


Send Me An Angel

by Patricia1974



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Anna's a bitch, But not between Cas and Dean, Cheating, Christmas Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Eventual Smut, F/M, Happy Ending, Kid Fic, M/M, Nanny Castiel, Slow Burn, So you'll understand, Thanksgiving fluff, and sexual tension, halloween fluff, lots of fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2019-06-21 18:23:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 78,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15563748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Patricia1974/pseuds/Patricia1974
Summary: Dean couldn’t remember the last time he truly smiled, the last time he felt needed, wanted, appreciated, included. The last time his wife gave him time, the last time she looked at him with love in her eyes, the last time they even had sex!Anna was so busy nowadays! She didn’t even have time for their 4 year old daughter. Dean is always there for Claire, taking her to preschool, setting up playdates for her, taking her out to the park. But Dean also has a small business to run and there’s so much piled up on his shoulders.Dean’s secretary, Charlie, has enough of it and convinces him to hire a nanny.To Dean’s surprise, his daughter’s new nanny is actually a dude; a dude with ridiculously blue eyes and intense stare. Dean isn’t sure about this, but since he really doesn’t have the time to look for a nanny himself, he lets Castiel stay.In just a few months Dean and his daughter’s new baby sitter fall into a sort of comfortable routine. Castiel is everything Dean has always missed since Anna started working.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This prompt comes from Nayna Dutt. Thank you for the inspiration <3
> 
> The cover is made by the awesome JenSpinner
> 
> My beta is the equally awesome tfw_cas. She still very often has to kick my insecure ass.
> 
> This fic is low on angst. It's mostly fluff...and smut of course

 

DEAN

 

Dean was pulled so briskly out of his concentration by the blaring of his desk phone that he almost jumped out of his skin.

_ God damn it. _ What part of ‘I don’t want to be disturbed before lunch’ didn’t Charlie understand? He had specifically asked her to hold all his calls unless it was a matter of life or death.

He took in a few calming breaths, to stop himself from yelling at his personal assistant before he picked up.

“This better be important,” he snarled.

“It is, Dean,” Charlie’s cheerful voice said in his ear. “I have Mrs. Moseley on the line for you.”

Dean immediately sat up at the name of Claire’s preschool teacher. Charlie was right. This was important. No matter how swamped with work he was, Claire was and always would be his first priority.

“Put her through, thanks Charlie.”

“Good morning, Mr. Winchester,” Missouri Mosley’s voice came over the line a few seconds later.

Before Dean had a chance to say anything, Missouri continued “Let me reassure you first that everything is fine, Claire just had a little accident.”

Dean’s stomach clenched together despite Missouri’s attempt to put his mind at ease.

“What kind of accident?” he asked breathlessly. 

“She fell from the monkey bars at the park where we took the children during recess.”

“Oh God,” Dean rubbed his forehead. “She knows she can’t climb on it without supervision. But, she’s fine, right? Please tell me she’s alright.”

“She is, don’t worry. Some cuts and bruises, nothing serious, nothing sister Jo couldn’t handle, but she’s pretty shaken up. We tried to contact Mrs. Winchester, but she seems to be unreachable.”

Dean rolled his eyes. Of course his wife was unreachable, what else was new?

“Is there a possibility someone can come pick her up? She doesn’t want to go back to the park,” Missouri asked.

“Yes, sure. I will be right there,” Dean said, despite the fact he had a ton of work to do and was about a million light years behind with it. Claire was more important than the numbers on invoices and papers. They could wait, Claire couldn't. 

There was nothing Dean wouldn’t do for his little girl. She was the light of his life. He worshipped the very ground she walked on. She was the sole reason why he still stayed in his trainwreck of a marriage.

He knew how bitter that sounded, but, it was true. His whole marriage was a farce; a joke.

Claire was conceived on the back seat of the Impala on his second date with Anna. She was the result of a torn condom. He could still vividly remember how Anna had come to him, in tears, telling him she was pregnant. She wanted to get rid of it. A baby was the last thing she wanted. It was a burden that would only stand in the way of her career.

Dean couldn’t let that happen. Of course, ultimately it was her body and her choice, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t do everything in his power to prevent it, so he had done the one thing he could think of. He had asked her to marry him.

After giving it some thought, Anna had agreed, but only if they would do it soon. She didn’t want to look like a whale on her wedding day. Her words, not his.

Dean snorted sarcastically at the memory as he stepped into his 1967 Chevrolet Impala, an old timer he had restored all by himself. He carefully moved the car out of the garage and joined the traffic on his way to the school.

Anna got the wedding she had always dreamed about, with a dress that had made Dean almost choke on his own saliva when he had seen the price tag. The whole event had left him nearly broke, but he figured it was worth it. He had his own little business and made a stable income which was more than enough to provide for Anna and the baby. He would be back on his feet soon enough.

The birth of his daughter was one of the most beautiful moments in Dean’s life. To witness a woman bringing a new life into this world, life he helped to create, was magical, and so fucking pure it had brought tears to his eyes.

The hunking of a car jolted him out of the memories from his past. He looked up and saw the traffic light had turned green.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he mumbled, held up his hand and drove on. As he rounded a corner, his mind drifted back off to what once was.

The first few years of his marriage were, well, good. They bought a nice house, settled in and lived the quiet life with its ups and downs. Something was off though, even then. Anna worked hard on her career and didn’t mind Claire very much. Their beautiful little girl with her cheeky grin and golden blonde hair, the curls dancing playfully on her cute little head, wasn’t worth a lot of Anna’s attention.

Dean didn’t think much of it at first. It would all get better when Anna landed her dream job, right? Wrong. It didn’t get better. It got worse.

A sigh passed his lips as he drove onto the parking lot of the school. He turned off the engine and got out. 

With long strides, he walked through the empty halls, the sounds of his footsteps echoing against the stone walls decorated with colorful children’s drawings.

When he entered Claire’s classroom, he saw Claire sitting on a playmat with a woman he recognized as sister Jo, the school nurse.

As soon as Claire spotted him, she jumped up and ran over to him.

“Daddyyyyyyyyyyy!”

Dean crouched down to welcome his daughter into his open arms.

“Hey, pumpkin,” he said, holding her tight, a smile forming on his mouth. Claire was the only one who managed to make him smile nowadays. 

This realization hit him hard. When exactly was the last time he smiled over anything else but his daughter? He couldn’t remember.

With a groan, Claire balancing on his arm, he got up from his crouching position.

“Thank you for coming so soon,” sister Jo said, shooting him a smile of her own. She was a nice woman. Dean had always liked her, just like he had always liked Missouri, Claire’s teacher.

“That’s okay.”

“I don’t wanna stay daddy,” Claire whined in a small voice. She looked at him, her big blue eyes shining with tears and the pleading question not to make her do something she didn’t want to do.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go back to the playground in the park?” Dean tried to persuade her to stay, remembering the huge pile of work on his desk.

Claire shook her head. Her lips formed into a pout. She buried her face into his neck.

“No,” she said, her voice muffled.

How could Dean resist her? One would have to have a heart of stone not to break under that adorable face of his four year old little girl.

“Okay then,” Dean succumbed, realizing very well that Claire knew exactly how she could wind him around her cute little finger. She was her happy self again as soon as they said their goodbyes to sister Jo, and Dean strapped her into her seat on the backseat of the car.

He knew he spoiled her by granting her every wish, but what else could he do? He loved her so very much he would die if anything were to happen to her, and also because her mom didn’t give her the time of day. He sometimes wondered if Claire even knew who her mother was anymore.

Okay, and now he was being ridiculous. Of course Claire knew her mom, even though she often didn’t see her for days. It was always Dean who took Claire to preschool in the morning and picked her up later; it was always Dean who set up playdates for her, took her to the playground, or the zoo, or all the other places children loved to go. Anna was never around for any of it. If and when she was home, she never wanted to go with them, claiming she was too tired and wanted to enjoy her day off by having some ‘me’ time as she called it.

Right. ‘Me time.’ Well, it was her prerogative, but he wished she would also make some time for her goddamn daughter; or for him, for that matter.

He frowned. Speaking of that, when was the last time they made love? “Sonofabitch,” he mumbled when he couldn’t even remember that. It was then when an ominous question presented itself to him. She wasn’t having an affair, was she?

He immediately scolded himself for even thinking that. “No.” 

A little voice in the back of his mind had, however, teased him. All the signs were there. He was the one who always came home first to an empty house, deprived of life, love and warmth. He was the one who cooked and cleaned and did the laundry and basically everything else around the house. Anna was up before breakfast and came home close to midnight, claiming there were either clients she had to go to dinner with or business meetings. She also had to travel a lot which often made her gone for over a week. Dean started to feel more like a single dad than like the married man that he was. Anna having an affair really wasn’t that far fetched.

Claire had drifted off to sleep by the time Dean drove up the driveway. He carefully unstrapped her from the car seat, and carried her into the house where he gently laid her on the couch.

He dug up his cell phone and called Charlie to bring some work over to the house and to cancel all his meetings that were scheduled for today. He asked her to transfer all the phone calls to his office through to his cell phone.

With a sigh he hung up, and was about to try to get in contact with Anna when his wife burst through the front door, seemingly in a hurry. A surprised look on her face appeared when she saw him. Then she smiled.

“Hey hun. You’re home early.” She swiftly kissed him on the cheek.

“I could say the same for you,” Dean replied, as surprised as she was, but also glad because this was the first time she came home so early.

He wrapped his arms around her waist in an effort to get some more affection from her than that swift kiss, but she brushed him off.

“Sorry, I have to go pack. There’s an emergency in Atlanta and they’re sending me over there to fix it.” She turned and ran up the stairs.

Dean followed her, hurt because she had given him the cold shoulder once again. 

“What emergency?”

“I don’t know Dean, they didn’t tell me much more.”

“But then how…”

“That’s just how it works, okay? You don’t work there so you don’t understand,” Anna bit out impatiently, frantically packing her suitcase. She looked around.

“Now where did I leave my red shoes?” 

“I don’t know. Why don’t you look under the bed,” Dean replied to her rhetorical question with a snarl. He folded his arms over his chest, getting more aggravated by the second. Who the hell did she think she was patronizing him like that.

Anna looked under the bed and, what do you know, pulled a pair of red pumps from underneath it. “Got them. Thanks hun.”

Dean rolled his eyes. It had been a joke when he had told her to look there.

Anna next ran to the bathroom to take all her cosmetics and whatever else, put all of it in a separate bag and threw it in the suitcase.

“How long do you think you’ll be gone this time?” Dean asked; not that he cared anymore.

“I don’t know. I have no idea how bad it is. But I really have to go. They booked me on the next flight out, which leaves in two hours.” She zipped up the suitcase.

“Will you take it down the stairs, please?”

Dean clenched his jaw. He almost wanted to tell her to do it herself, but couldn’t. She was still his wife, and that suitcase was pretty heavy.

Downstairs, Anna pulled out the handle and rolled with it to the door.

“Aren’t you gonna say goodbye to your daughter?”

“I have no time to stop by the school, Dean. Tell her goodbye for me, okay?”

“She’s not at the school. If you had actually turned on your phone, you would have known that.”

Anna whirled around to look at him with her brows drawn together.

“What do you mean? Where is she?” and wow, she actually sounded a bit concerned now. Was she human after all, or did she just pretend to be?

“She fell at recess. I picked her up when the school called. She’s sleeping on the couch. If you hadn’t been so self centered you would have noticed that when you burst in here.”

Anna took a deep breath, as if she was irritated. She shot him an annoyed look before she turned her attention to the couch where Claire was still sound asleep. 

On her high heels, she strode over to her sleeping daughter. She crouched down and brushed a golden lock from her little face. The gesture could almost be called ‘tender’. 

She bent over, placed a kiss on Claire’s head with the whispered words ‘See you next week sweetheart’, and got up again.

Claire stirred, but didn’t wake up.

Dean blinked as he watched Anna. There she was. There was the glimpse of the woman he fell in love with. He wondered what made her change?

It slowly dawned on him she never really changed. She had always been like she was now. The person he fell in love with; the mother of his daughter, didn’t exist. She was an image; a dream. He could kick himself that he never saw through that facade before it was too late.

“I’ll call you when I have landed,” Anna said.

Dean maintained a deadpan expression. He nodded with a hum and looked after her as she walked out.

He was still staring at the closed door long after she was gone, wishing he could go back in time, to the days when they were actually a family.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's meet Cas :)

 

DEAN

 

“Dean, you really need some help,” Charlie said. She put a stack of folders on the living room table next to the laptop.

Dean plopped down on a chair. “Charlie, we’ve talked about this. I’m not gonna hire a nanny for Claire.” He took the top folder from the pile and thumbed through it.

But, Dean…”

“No, Charlie, and that’s the end of it,” Dean adamantly cut her off.

A short silence fell. All that was audible for a moment, was the rustle of papers and the soft tapping from Charlie’s finger on the wooden table surface.

“May I be blunt?” she suddenly blurted out.

Dean quietly chuckled. “I haven’t known you to be anything else Charlie, so go ahead,” he said, without taking his eyes from the computer screen and the papers next to it.

“I want the man back I came to work for three years ago.”

That got Dean’s attention. He stopped transferring the data from the folders into his computer and looked up at her, narrowing his eyes. What the hell was that supposed to mean?

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about…” Charlie waved her arm at him. “Look at you. You hardly smile anymore, you have dark circles around your eyes and you walk like you’re carrying the weight of the world upon your shoulders. Hell, Dean, I know fifty year old men who look a lot better than you do at the moment, and you haven’t even hit forty yet.”

Dean gasped while rapidly blinking his eyes. He raised his brows.

“Well, thanks a lot,” he said, sarcasm dripping from his words. But damn it, Charlie did have a point. He was dead tired, and if he thought about the things he still had to do beside the work for his business, with which he was behind as it were already, he could easily spiral down into a more depressive state.

And sure, the house chores could wait, but not Claire. She had lunch at school so, that was covered, but she deserved a good breakfast in the morning, a nice snack in the afternoon and a decent home cooked meal at night, not to mention attention; heaps of it. 

He often put her in front of the TV to watch cartoons so he could get some work done when he wasn’t at his office, but he felt pretty guilty about it. TVs didn’t make good babysitters. It wasn’t healthy. Little girls like Claire needed to play outside or go on playdates. Watching an occasional Disney movie wasn’t bad, but not all day long for days on end.

“You know I’m right,” Charlie cut through his thoughts.

Dean sighed deeply. He rubbed his eyes with his thumb and index finger.

“And what do you suppose a ‘nanny’ does?” He didn’t know anything about how it worked.

Charlie shrugged. “Anything you need her to do. She can pick up Claire from school, give her her afternoon snack, take her to the park or whatever. Basically, she would babysit her until you get home from work.”

Dean had to admit, it didn’t sound bad. It was better than a TV, that’s for sure, and he wouldn’t get distracted.

“I can always stop working, you know. Anna makes enough for both of us, and I’m sure she wouldn’t mind one bit.”

Yes, he had thought about this. A lot actually.

“You can’t do that!” Charlie stared at him in utter disbelief. “Dean, it’s your dream, your business, something you worked very hard on to achieve. You can’t just give that up.”

“I can, for Claire.”

“Okay. You would do anything for her, and I get that, but can’t you just give this whole ‘nanny thing’ a shot before making drastic decisions like that? Give it a try, see how it works out. You may not believe me, but if you give up something you worked so hard for, you might resent Claire later on in life for it, especially when you didn’t make an effort in looking for other solutions.”

“I would never resent Claire.” Dean vigorously shook his head. “I might resent Anna for it, but not Claire.”

“Yeah well…” Charlie grabbed his hands. “Just try it?” 

Dean bit his lower lip. The more he thought about it, the more appealing the idea started to sound.

“Where do I find one?”

“Oh.” Charlie shifted in her seat and straightened while she enthusiastically started to talk. “I know a couple who got theirs from a company called ‘Guardian Angels’. It’s a recruitment agency who deliver the best nannies, according to my friends. They always speak very highly of her, and their son loves her.”

“Daddy?” a little voice laced with sleep coming from the couch whined softly.

“Daddy’s right here sweetheart,” Dean said.

With her blanket dragging behind her and rubbing her eyes with the fist of her free hand, Claire came over to him on wobbly legs. She climbed into his lap and put her cheek against his chest, still half asleep.

As always, Dean’s heart almost exploded with how much he loved her, but he also knew he wouldn’t get any more work done before she went to bed at eight. He resented himself for even thinking about that.

At the end of his rope, he looked at Charlie. “Okay, do it,” he finally succumbed, admitting he could use all the help he could get..

\----------

The next few days were so busy, the whole nanny thing disappeared to the back of Dean’s mind. He was in the middle of making scrambled eggs for him and Claire on Friday morning when the doorbell rang.

Dean turned off the stove and glanced at the clock with a frown. It was only seven. Who the hell could that be?

He quickly put some eggs on Claire’s plate. “Finish your breakfast, pumpkin. I’m gonna see who that is.”

Still wiping his hands on a kitchen towel, Dean opened the door. He genuinely had to gasp for air at the sight of the person standing in front of him. It was a man with ridiculously blue eyes and an intense stare. His dark brown hair stuck out in eight different directions, like he had just rolled out of bed after a round of good sex.

And why the hell was he thinking about sex?

The man reached out his hand with a faint smile on his lips. “I’m Castiel Novak. Are you Dean Winchester?”

_ Fuck! _ That voice. It sounded like it came from deep inside a tomb, yet warm and dark, like decades old whiskey. It stirred something deep inside Dean, something he ordered back to wherever the hell it came from.

“Ehm...Mr. Winchester?”

“Huh?” Dean shook out of his reverie and felt the heat of a blush crawling over his cheeks at the realization he had been staring.  _ What the actual son of a  _ … He quickly composed himself.

“Yes, I’m sorry,” he chuckled awkwardly and took Novak’s reached out hand. A tiny spark shot through his arm at the touch. What the...?

He cleared his throat. “Hi. And what exactly are you here for?”

“I was sent by ‘Guardian Angels’.”

Dean squinted. The name sounded vaguely familiar. Where did he hear it before?

“The recruitment agency?” Novak helped him to recall.

“Oh.” That’s right. The nanny. Wait a minute… The nanny?

“But...but...you’re a...ehm...guy,” Dean stumbled, a bit confused, and then realized he was still holding Castiel’s hand. He promptly released it.

Castiel looked at his own attire. “Yes.” He tilted his head with a frown, and damn if that wasn’t the most adorable thing Dean had ever seen.

_ Okay, and he was so not going to think like that. _

He didn’t have much time to ponder it. Claire suddenly interrupted them by appearing right by his side. With big blue eyes she looked at Castiel.

“Who are you?” she asked boldly.

“Hello there. I’m Castiel Novak.” Cas crouched down while the smile on his lips grew wider. “You’re quite the young lady already. How old are you?”

Claire stuck out her chin in a haughty manner. “I’m six.”

Dean chuckled. He put his hand on top of Claire’s head. “She’s a very presumptuous four year old.” He looked down at Castiel at the same time Castiel looked up at him. A very dirty thought crossed Dean’s mind the moment their eyes met and locked. Images of Castiel on his knees in front of him doing...other things, flashed before his eyes.

_ Holy fucking shit, what was wrong with him? _

Hastily, he chased all the inappropriate things away, hoping Novak wasn’t a mind reader.

“Are you gonna be my nanny?” Claire asked.

Dean had told Claire about the whole nanny thing. They had talked about it. At first, Claire didn’t really like it. She wanted her daddy to pick her up from school, not someone else.

With the patience of a Saint, Dean had explained to her all the reasons why they needed a nanny, and the benefits of having one, on a level a four year old could understand. It all paid off. In the end, Claire had reluctantly agreed.

“I guess he is,” Dean said. Ah well, why the hell not? So the new nanny was a guy, so what? Besides, he didn’t exactly have the time to look for someone else, and this Cas dude was very easy on the eyes. 

_ Damn it, Winchester, ignore that. _

He took a step aside. “Please, come in.”

Cas stepped inside and followed Dean to the kitchen.

“Take a seat,” Dean motioned to the chairs. “Have you had breakfast yet? You’re welcome to join us.”

He bit his lip. Shit. Did he just ask a perfect stranger to have breakfast with them?

“I have eaten already, thank you,” Cas said as he pulled out a chair and sat down.

“Some coffee then?”

“Coffee sounds great, Mr. Winchester.”

Dean laughed softly, while shaking his head as he poured a mug of coffee.

“Listen, Cas, here’s the deal,” he said, putting the mug on the table along with some milk and sugar. “Quit the Mr. Winchester, thing, okay? It makes me feel old. The name is Dean.”

“Okay, Dean.” And there was that stare of electric blue again. It could easily bore a hole into Dean’s skull, that’s how intense it was. Dean had a hard time tearing his gaze away from it. It was Claire who saved him from further embarrassment by looking into Cas’s eyes for too long.

“I’m finished, daddy.”

Dean turned to his daughter. Both her plate and her glass of milk were empty. He gave a little praise and then told her to go wash her hands and brush her teeth.

Claire did what she was told, and Dean saw that Cas watched after her as she ran off.

“She’s quite developed already,” he noticed

Dean’s chest swelled with pride. “Yes, she is.”

Cas pulled a folder out of his briefcase and handed it to Dean. “Everything you need to know about me is in there. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask.”

Oh, Dean had questions all right. He had a lot of questions in fact, but they just had to wait. It was already late. He jabbed at the folder. “I’m gonna take a look at this later. For now, I only wanna know one thing. When can you start?”

“Today, if you like,” Cas replied.

“Great!” Dean jumped up and started to clean up the remains of breakfast. “So, I want you to pick up Claire from pre school every day, make sure she has a healthy afternoon snack and basically be there for her until I get home from work, which usually is around six, so I can start dinner in time.”

“You don’t want me to take her to school in the morning?” Cas sounded surprised.

“Nah, that’s not necessary.” Dean dismissively waved his arm. “We can manage in the morning. I do want you to come with me today though. I wanna introduce you to Claire’s teacher, so that she knows it’s safe to let Claire go with you. They are very strict about these things.”

“As they should be,” Cas agreed wholeheartedly. 

Dean nodded as he wiped off the surface of the kitchen table. “Yeah. You can’t be too careful these days.” He turned to the sink and rinsed off the dishcloth.. 

Claire came running back in. “I’m ready daddy.” She showed him her hands. “See? All clean.”

“Awesome, sweetheart. Did you brush your teeth too?”

“Yep.” Claire grinned wide, to show her little white teeth.

“Okay. I guess we’re ready to go then.”

Cas finished his coffee and took it upon himself to rinse off the mug and put it in the dishwasher.

“Is Mr. Cast… Cast…”

“Castiel,” Dean helped his daughter pronounce the name.

“Casteel coming with us?”

“Yes, he is. He needs to meet Mrs. Moseley and the other teachers, so they know they can let you go with him.”

Claire ran to Cas. She took his hand and glanced up at him. “We are going to be good friends, right Mr. Cast...Cast-eel?”

Cas gave her the sweetest smile, a smile that warmed Dean’s heart in a way that totally blindsided him.

\----------

Charlie was already hard at work at the front desk when he entered the office space from which he ran his small business.

“Morning Dean,” she greeted him and looked up. She raised her eyebrows. “Is it me or is that a smile I see there.”

Dean crossed his arms over his chest. “I met the new nanny today,.” he said evenly, as if it explained everything which, let’s be honest, it actually did. The reason for his smile  _ was _ Cas, even though he wasn’t ready to admit it yet; not to Charlie, and not to himself either.

“Ooohhh,” Charlie exclaimed, excitement clear in her voice. “Is she nice? Well, she must be, according to your reaction.”

“ _ She _ is a  _ he _ .” Dean put his hands on her desk and squinted suspiciously. “Did you know that?”

Charlie, who just took a sip from her coffee almost choked on it. Her eyes grew wide. “No, Dean, I didn’t. I mean, the agency asked if it would be a problem if it were a man and I told them it wouldn’t…” She shook her head. “It’s not a problem, is it?”

“No of course it’s not,” Dean said with a sigh. “I was just surprised, that’s all. Claire seems to like him, and I trust my daughter’s judgement, she’s pretty good at reading people.” He walked over to his office. “Let’s just cross our fingers and see how it goes,” he said, hoping he had made the right call by hiring Cas.

\----------

Dean read through the folder Cas had given him this morning. According to the file, Cas had worked for a rather wealthy family, taking care of three kids until they moved to Europe.

The credentials were full of praise. He had become a very important part of their family, spending the holidays and other important events with them. They were all sad they had to go.

Cas was a certified nurse, specializing in pediatrics.  _ Interesting. _ Dean wondered what made him become a nanny while he had that degree. He smelled a story there.

The rest was just basic information. Cas was an only child and both his parents were deceased.

A tinge of sorrow hit Dean in the chest. Cas had to watch a new found family leave and had basically no one left. Surely he had friends, right? Dean hoped so. It was hard to think that Cas was all alone in this world.

Satisfied with what he had learned, Dean closed the folder and put it away. It was time he got some work done, which was the whole reason he had hired Cas in the first place.

Time travelled fast. Dean had lunch with a client and another business meeting in the afternoon. Before he knew it, it was four o’clock.

Dean had successfully fought the urge to call home and to ask how Claire was doing as soon as he knew school was out at three. He stared at the phone on his desk. Should he do it now?

No. He couldn’t. He didn’t want to give Cas the impression he didn’t trust him.

Half an hour later, he gave up. It was the first time he had left Claire in someone else’s care, and while everything was probably just fine, he had to make sure for his own peace of mind.

“The Winchester residence, this is Castiel Novak speaking,” Cas’s smokey voice came through the line after the third ring.

Shit. Dean had forgotten how sexy Cas’s voice was and the effect it had on him. He swallowed. “Hiya Cas. How’s everything going on the homefront?”

“Hello Dean. Everything is fine.”

“Is that my daddy?” Dean heard Claire asking in the background.

“Yes, it’s your daddy,” Cas replied.

“Hi daddy,” Claire yelled, and then little footsteps were heard as they ran away. This caught Dean by surprise. His daughter didn’t even ask to talk to him?

“Sounds like you have everything under control,” Dean chuckled, ignoring a little tinge of jealousy. He shouldn't feel that way. The whole point was for Claire to like her nanny. If he couldn’t deal with that, he shouldn’t have hired someone in the first place.

“Yes, Dean. We’re fine.”

“All right then. I guess I’ll see you at six.”

He hung up and leaned back in his desk chair. With his hands folded at the back of his neck, he looked up at the ceiling. See? Everything was okay. He should stop worrying and start trusting Cas that he knew what he was doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just some domestic fluff. POV Dean

 

DEAN

 

There were two things Dean noticed immediately when he entered his home that evening. The first one was that the place was absolutely spotless, and the second was a delicious smell filling the air.

A childish giggle, obviously Claire, came floating from the kitchen. Warily, Dean crossed the living room and peeked his head inside. The scene that unfolded before him was so unusual that his brain had a hard time registering what his eyes were seeing. 

Cas and Claire were standing side by side at the kitchen counter, up to their elbows in dough, making something that looked like...were they cookies?

He cleared his throat to announce his presence.

Claire’s head jerked up. A smile formed on her lips at the sight of him. With a glint in her eyes, she jumped off the platform she had been standing on to be able to look over the counter, and ran over to him.

“Daddy, you’re home.” Claire wrapped her little arms around Dean’s waist. Then she looked up at him. “Nanny Cas and me are making cookies.”

Dean raised his eyebrows. “It’s ‘nanny Cas and  _ I _ ’, pumpkin.” He took her small hands into his. “So, it’s nanny Cas now, huh? What happened to Mr. Casteel?”

A soft laugh made him look in Cas’s direction. “Mr. Casteel is quite a mouthful. She asked me if she could call me nanny Cas.” Cas shrugged. “I have no problem with it.” He glanced up from the cookies and straight into Dean’s eyes. “If it’s okay with you, of course.” 

There was that piercing stare again; the one that could make Dean’s face heat up in different shades of red.

_ Shit. _

Dean quickly looked away. He didn’t want Cas to catch him blushing like a frigging schoolgirl.

“No, it’s fine,” he said with a wave of his arm. He turned his attention back to his daughter. “So, what else did you do today? Did you have fun?”

Claire resumed her place on the platform. “Yes. Nanny Cas cleaned and I helped, and we folded the laundry and, oh, we made alangna.”

“Lasagna,” Cas corrected her gently. He glanced at the timer. “It will be ready in ten minutes.”

“Then I better go shower and change,” Dean said. He gave Claire a wink before turning around and going upstairs, still totally overwhelmed from what he had come home to.

Cas cleaned? He folded the laundry and made dinner on top of it? And now he was baking cookies with Claire? Was this some sort of dream? If it was, he never wanted to wake up from it.

Dean didn’t ask Cas to do any of it, yet he did and he even involved Claire in the tasks, making it fun for the little girl. This was so much more than he had hoped for when he gave Charlie the green light to hire a nanny.

Standing underneath the warm spray, relaxing and letting the water wash away today’s work from his body, his mind drifted off to Anna. Why couldn’t she be more like Cas?

It was clear as day that Cas loved what he did, otherwise he wouldn’t have chosen this profession and done everything he had today. Anna was the opposite. She was a career woman who hated house chores. And while there was nothing wrong with that, Dean couldn’t help but think that he would be a happy man if Anna possessed even a tenth of what Cas had when it came to taking care of Claire.

No. He shrugged the thoughts off and let them disappear down the drain, together with the water. He couldn’t think that way. It was not fair to either of them to compare them to each other. They were two different people and while Cas seemed perfect, Dean was sure he also had his flaws, just like everybody else.

It took Dean a little more than ten minutes to shower and to change his suit for comfortable sweats. He darted down the stairs to find the kitchen table nicely set for dinner, and the lasagne on the kitchen counter safely out of Claire’s reach so she wouldn’t burn herself on the hot pan. The smell that rose up from the dish was so freaking delicious, Dean’s mouth started to water.

Cas was cutting Claire’s lasagna and making sure it wasn’t too hot anymore for the little girl to eat. He looked up when he heard Dean enter the kitchen.

“The second batch of cookies is in the oven,” he said. A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “I set the timer.”

“Thanks, Cas.” Dean nodded appreciatively, again surprised by the efficiency of the man. He watched as Cas took a plate and put a piece of the lasagna on it. He placed it in front of Dean as Dean pulled out a chair and plopped down on it.

“What do you usually drink at dinner?” Cas asked. “Water, soda, something else?”

“Sodaaaa,” Claire yelled enthusiastically.

Dean flashed his daughter a warning glance. “What have I told you about soda so close to bedtime, sweetheart?”

Claire looked down at her plate. “No sugary drinks anymore in the evening after when the big arm of the clock points up to the twelve and the little arm points down to the six.”

“That’s right. Look at the clock, what do the arms say now?”

With a cute pout Claire looked at the kitchen clock hanging on the wall. “The big arm is past the twelve and the little arm is between the six and the seven.”

“Very good.”

The pout on Claire’s mouth faded away and turned into a big smile over the praise. A hopeful glint appeared in her big eyes. “May I have a soda now?”

“Claire!” Dean admonished.

“But da’aaaad.”

“Your daddy’s right, Claire. Water is so much better,” Cas calmly cut in. Dean noticed he had a hard time keeping himself from laughing as he put two glasses of water on the table.

“Okay then nanny Cas.” 

Claire admitted defeat so easily it made Dean scratch his head. She usually put up a hell of a lot more of a fight. It probably was because Cas was basically still a stranger and Claire didn’t know him well enough yet to defy his authority. Yep, that must be it. He chuckled inwardly. That would change soon enough. Cas was going to find out Claire was quite a handful.

“Is there anything else I can do, Dean? I mean, we haven’t discussed my hours yet and I don’t know if you need something done before I go home,” Cas interrupted his thoughts.

Dean shook out of his reverie. Cas was right. They hadn’t discussed anything yet. 

“Sit down. Join us,” he promptly invited Cas to stay and then gasped over his own boldness. “Unless of course you need to be somewhere,” he hastily followed with an awkward little laugh.

“I ehm...don’t have any other engagements.”

“Well then,” Dean waved his arm “take a plate, scoop up some of that delicious lasagna you made and sit down.”

“Yes, nanny Cas,” Claire chimed in. “Pretty please?”

Dean saw that Cas hesitated but then succumbed to Claire’s pleading face. He cocked his head to hide a smile. Seems like his daughter had her nanny already wrapped around her little finger as well.

With Claire there, Dean didn’t want to talk about what exactly he expected from Cas. Not that Claire wasn’t allowed to know, Cas was her nanny after all, but he preferred not to discuss business in front of his little girl. He asked her about school instead and all the other things she had done today. It was the topic of every conversation they had over dinner. Dean took a genuine interest in his daughter’s activities during the day. He encouraged her to talk about how she felt about certain things and, if she had a problem, to tell him about it.

Today clearly had been a good day. He didn’t know if he imagined it or not, but Claire’s eyes seemed to shine a little bit brighter and the smile on her lips seemed to be a little bit wider.

“All done,” Claire announced, chewing away the last of the lasagna.

“What did I teach you about speaking with your mouth full, Claire?” Dean asked, shooting her a warning glance.

Claire swallowed the food away. “That I should not talk with my mouth full.”

“Then why did you?”

“I’m sorry, daddy.” She took her glass of water and emptied it.

“That’s okay, sweetheart. Just don’t forget it again, okay?”

“Yes. May I watch cartoons?”

Dean looked at the clock. It was almost seven. “Yes, you can until it’s time for your bath.”

Claire jumped off her chair and happily skipped to the living room.

“She’s a wonderful little girl, Dean,” Cas said as he watched after her. “She’s polite, well educated...smart.”

Dean laughed as he pushed his chair back. “She is, Cas, but it’s not all sunshines and rainbows, believe me.” He collected the dirty plates and rinsed them off before putting them into the dishwasher. “She can be very stubborn and throw a major temper tantrum if things don’t go her way. When she’s like that, you have to put your foot down and make it very clear you’re not someone she wants to mess with.” He turned to Cas and squinted his eyes. “Can you do that?”

“I have plenty of experience with children, Dean, so, yes. I know the do’s and the don’ts,” Cas said, with an offended tone in his voice.

Dean felt bad. Of course Cas could do that. He wouldn’t even be here if he didn’t know how to handle children.

He ran a hand through his hair with a sigh. “I’m sorry, man. I shouldn’t have questioned you. It’s just that...” he closed the dishwasher. “This is the first time I’ve let someone else take care of my daughter for a few hours.” He huffed out a little laugh. “It’s hard, you know?”

He studied Cas’s gaze that was fixed upon him. His eyes were blessed with a unique shade of blue. Dean could easily lose himself in them if he wasn’t careful.

“I understand,” Cas pulled him out of his staring. “But don’t worry. She’s safe with me.”

Dean turned around. This was the second time that Cas managed to let heat rise to his cheeks. What magic was this?

He took in a few calming breaths while wetting a dishcloth. He wrung it out and turned back to the table to wipe it clean, making sure to avoid Cas’s eyes. It was dangerous to look into them too much..

“Dean, may I ask you something?”

“Sure, Cas,” Dean said. He finished wiping the surface and again turned to the sink to rinse off the dirty cloth.

“I understand there is a Mrs. Winchester? When do I get to meet her?”

All the muscles in Dean’s body tensed up. He was glad he was standing with his back to Cas so that the guy couldn’t see the probably sour expression on his face at the mention of his wife.

“Claire’s mom is a very busy woman,” he said, trying hard not to sound too bitter. “She’s extremely dedicated to her career, being up and gone before breakfast and not coming home before eleven at night.” He sighed and continued “She also has to travel a lot. She’s currently in Atlanta, and not expected to be home until next week.”

“Oh. I see,” was all that Cas had to say about it. 

Dean rolled his eyes. What else did he expect the guy to say, honestly? He threw the dishcloth away and, wiping his hands dry on towel, he plopped down on a kitchen chair.

“With Anna being so busy and with me running a business of my own, I finally decided I needed help.” He waved his arm at Cas. “And so here you are.”

The corners of Cas’s mouth tugged slightly up to an almost there smile. He moved his eyes to his hands folded on the kitchen table. “Before you hire me permanently, there’s something you need to know first,” he said. “Something that might have you reconsider hiring me.”

Dean frowned. Cas had already exceeded all his expectations, what could there possibly be that....ooohhhh. He could already guess.

“What is it?” he encouraged Cas to tell him.

“I’m gay, Dean.”

_ See? He knew it. _ “And that’s a problem how exactly?” Dean asked lightly, ignoring the little leap of joy his heart made.

Cas’s eyes slowly moved up to catch his. There was surprise witten in them. “Some people might find it a problem.”

“Well, I’m not one of those people,” Dean reassured him. “You have proved yourself well worthy today. Consider yourself hired.”

Over the next fifteen minutes, he discussed Cas’s hours. He practically told him the same as what he told him this morning. Cas just had to pick up Claire from preschool in the afternoon, and basically had to babysit her until he came home at six.

“It won’t be any later, and if there is some kind of emergency that makes me need to stay longer, I will inform you. But, please, Cas, be honest with me if that happens and you can’t stay, okay? I totally understand that, and in that case I will probably send Charlie over.”

Cas nodded. “Okay.”

“You’re also free to eat dinner with us if you like. Unless of course you have a...ehm...a boyfriend who's waiting for you at home.” He chuckled awkwardly. Smooth, Winchester, Jesus. What a subtle way to ask if Cas was involved with someone.

“I’m...not dating,” Cas deadpan informed him, with that adorable head tilt of his.

And there was Dean’s heart doing that little leap again. Damn it. This had to stop. He was a married man who had never dated another man in his life, college indiscretions not included. What the fuck was wrong with him?

“Okay, that’s settled then.” Dean glanced at the clock. “Oh, look at the time. I have to give Claire a bath and put her into bed.” Damn. He was glad he could change the subject.

Cas stood up. “Ehm, don’t forget to put those away,” he said, pointing at the cookies that were cooling off on the worktop.

Dean blinked. Shit. He had almost forgotten about them, even though they were standing in plain sight. “You know what?” He took a plastic container from the cabinet and filled it with a few cookies. “Why don’t you take some home with you? Claire and I can’t possibly eat them all and I would hate it if they went to waste.” He closed the lid and handed Cas the box.

“Thank you.” As Cas took the container, his fingers softly brushed against Dean’s. 

Dean’s breath hitched at the shot of adrenaline that went through his veins. It was something he didn’t expect. Yes, there had been a tiny spark when they had shaken hands this morning, but this? This was an entirely different feeling that could almost be identified as...sexual?

He composed himself and put his hands in the pockets of his sweats to keep them from ‘accidentally’ touching Cas again. “Ehm, yeah. So, I’ll see you at six on Monday? Don’t lose the key I gave you.” He turned on his heels to show Cas out.

“You wanna say good night to nanny Cas, Claire?” he asked as he crossed the living room.

Claire jumped up from the couch and ran over to them. She wrapped both her arms around Cas and looked up at him. “Good night, nanny Cas. Are you coming back tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow is Saturday, Claire. Most people don’t work during the weekend,” Dean explained.

“You do, daddy,” Claire countered. 

“I really don’t mind watching Claire on weekends if it’s necessary, Dean,” Cas cut in.

Dean looked from Claire to Cas and back again. He had mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, he was still swamped with work. This one day was hardly enough to catch up with everything, and his clients were getting impatient with the delay. On the other hand, he didn’t want to neglect Claire and deprive her of father-daughter moments. He felt extremely guilty even thinking about it.

As if Claire could read his mind, she said “We can do some fun stuff together on Sunday, daddy.”

Dean’s eyes suddenly filled with tears. Sweet Claire. How come she was so damn perceptive, knowing his every thought?

“I can pick up Claire at noon tomorrow and take her to the park,” Cas suggested. “We can have a picnic for lunch and maybe go for ice-cream afterwards?”

At the mention of ice-cream, Claire started to jump up and down in excitement.

“Oh yes, daddy! Please, please, please, PLEASE? Please say yes.”

Dean could feel himself crumble under Claire’s enthusiasm. How could he say ‘no’ to  _ that _ . And, let’s face it, it was better than putting her in front of the TV, because that’s where she ultimately would end up so he could work at least a little bit to catch up.

“Okay, okay, okay,” he gave in, holding up his hands in a placating manner. “But, on one condition,” he added in a serious manner.

Claire’s excitement instantly tempered. She squinted her eyes suspiciously. “What’s that?”

Dean formed a smile. “That you guys call me before going for ice-cream so I can join you.”

“Of course, daddy,” Claire giggled. She wrapped her little arms around his waist. “You’re the best daddy in the whole wide world.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “I bet I am,” he joked. “Now go to the bathroom. I’ll be there in a second.”

As Claire ran off, he escorted Cas to the door. They said their goodbyes and Dean caught himself watching after the car as it drove away, battling long forgotten feelings that tried to fight their way to the surface.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week POV Cas and it will be a bit of a funny chapter as adorable Claire has some questions...


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cas's POV
> 
> Yes, four year olds do ask questions like that and it's awkward as hell. I raised a daughter myself so... But it's also adorably innocent.

 

CAS

 

Cas lived in a cosy cabin at the lakeside. It had once belonged to the family he had worked for before they moved to Europe.

Fifteen years ago, Cas had made a career change, for his own sanity. He loved his job as a registered nurse in pediatrics, but taking care of sick and often terminally ill kids had taken its toll. Everytime another child whom he knew would never recover was admitted to his ward, his heart broke. It hurt so much to watch them wither away; to know they would never play outside again or smell the scent of the flowers filling the air in early Spring.

Many of those kids were a hell of a lot stronger than he was. They knew very well what was happening to them. Cas had spent hours talking to them, or just sitting at their bedside. The wisdom he had often detected in their tired eyes that could already see into a world that was still hidden from him, had amazed him on numerous occasions. 

While Cas knew he couldn’t get too attached to the ones he took care of, he couldn’t help himself, and his heart always shattered a little more when another life was cut way too short.

After eight years, he had to quit his job. He couldn’t do it anymore. It had become too painful. 

The Morrisons were the first and thus far the only family he had worked for as a ‘nanny’. They had given him his own private apartment in their mansion that resembled a small castle.

The children aged two, five and seven had loved him and so did their parents. Over the years Cas wasn’t just a ‘nanny’ anymore, but had become a part of their family.

When they moved to Europe, they had asked him to come with them, all expenses paid. Cas had thought long and hard about it, but had ultimately declined even though there was no one he would leave behind. His home was here. He would never be able to adjust in another country.

Mr. Morrison had given him the lake house before they left. At first Cas didn’t want to take it, it was too much, but his former employer had insisted. All the paperwork was done, it was Cas’s now whether he liked it or not.

With a mug of tea sweetened up with a spoonful of honey, Cas plopped down on the rocking chair standing on the porch. He looked over the lake that was lazily glistening in the evening sun, which colored the blue palette of the sky with stripes of orange and pink, as it cut through it like a big fading ball of fire. 

Cas suppressed a shiver when it disappeared behind the treeline. 

It was late September and while the days were still nice and warm, the evenings were left with the chill of early autumn.

Everything in nature was preparing itself for the upcoming winter. Deprived of water, the leaves of the trees changed from green to yellow, orange, or even red with their dying breath, displaying the most beautiful scenery. Eventually they would let loose from the branches, and fall to the ground to rot away and nurture the tree that had once given them life. 

Enjoying the peace and the quiet of his new home, Cas took in a deep breath of clean air while he let his mind wander back to this morning.

A few days ago the agency had called him to tell him they had found a new family that needed help. It had made him happy. He wasn’t ready to retire just yet.

Cas had expected a lot when he had rang the doorbell of the new family’s residence, but not a gorgeous green eyed man to open the door, and certainly not the attraction that had been instant like a snap of the fingers.

Another thing that Cas had almost immediately picked up on, was Dean’s bi vibe, something that would go totally unnoticed by someone else because he hid it so well. Cas however, had an eerily accurate sixth sense when it came to that. Dean Winchester was many things, but entirely straight wasn’t one of them.

Sipping his tea, savoring the taste of sweet honey on his tongue, Cas looked over the brim of his mug. The descending twilight shrouded the landscape in front of him in ghostly shadows, that danced to the sound of the wind rustling through the dead leaves on the ground. 

He smiled when the thought of Claire crossed his mind. She was an adorable little girl who stole his heart the moment he had looked into her big baby blue eyes. 

According to Dean, Claire could be quite a handful. Cas didn’t doubt it for a second. He was sure Claire was going to try his patience as soon as she knew him better. It’s what kids did. They always tried to see how far they could push their babysitter.

His empty mug and the ever growing darkness that incorporated a moonless night, chased Cas inside. He closed and locked the door and padded to the kitchen where he rinsed off the mug and put it in the sink.

Deciding to read a bit, Cas changed into his pyjama pants and an old t-shirt and crawled under the covers with a good book. 

No matter how much he tried to focus on the black words that danced before his eyes, he failed miserably. His mind constantly drifted back off to Dean.

_ Damn it. _

He  _ had _ to stop thinking about him. The guy was his employer and therefore off limits. Most importantly, he was also married, although Cas couldn’t help but wonder if there was any trouble in that marriage. He had heard the bitterness in Dean’s voice when Cas had asked him about his wife. From what little he was told, Mrs. Winchester wasn’t home a lot and that didn’t sit well with Dean.

Cas shrugged off his suspicions. It was none of his business. He was hired to take care of Claire and that was what he intended to do, along with all the other things that needed to be done around the house. With Mrs. Winchester gone all the time, Dean could use all the help he could get.

With a frustrated sigh, Cas closed his book and put it on the bedside table with his reading glasses on top of it. He reached over and turned out the lamp. If he couldn’t concentrate on reading, or at least pay attention to _ what _ he was reading, he might as well try to get some sleep.

One hour later he was still looking into the blackness of a seemingly endless nothing, with only the faint sounds of nature ruled by the night, and the image of Dean to keep him company.

\----------

With a fully stocked picnic basket filled with all kinds of delicious things, and a backpack, Cas arrived at Dean’s house a little after noon. He could have saved himself the trouble of trying to figure out what Claire liked when it came to food and drink this morning, as Dean had made a picnic as well.

With enough food to feed a small army, Cas and Claire headed to the park. They found a nice spot in the shade of a tree near the playground.

“Oh, there’s Chelsey from school,” Claire said excitedly. She turned to Cas. “May I go play with her?”

“Yes, you may. But keep where I can see you, okay?”

“Okay.” She ran off, the curls on her head bouncing up and down.

Cas didn’t let her out of his sight; he kept a very close eye on her at all times.

In the next hour and a half, Claire ran back and forth between him and her friends she was playing with, until she finally plopped down next to him on the blanket that was spread out on the grass, face adorably flushed, and with shining eyes, telling him she was hungry.

Cas gave her a chicken sandwich, her favorite according to Dean, and then took one of his own.

Claire had a very pensive but very cute frown between her little brows as she chewed away on her food. She was obviously very deep in thought about something.

“Nanny Cas?” she finally asked.

“Yes, Claire?”

“What’s sex?”

Cas almost choked on his food. He coughed a few times, trying not to show that this question came as a complete surprise. It wasn’t unusual for four year olds to ask things like that, but still.... 

Cas was very well aware that he had to answer her and not be all secretive about it.

“Ehm...where did you hear that word, Claire?”

“Jonny said grown ups have sex all the time,” Claire said matter of factly. She looked at him. “Is that true?”

Cas swallowed. He tried to manage his reaction so he didn’t transfer shame or anxiety onto her, no matter how weird it felt talking about this with her.

“Well,” he started to carefully formulate his answer. “I wouldn’t say grown ups have sex  _ all _ the time, but...often.”

“Why?”

“It’s...uh...how babies are made.”

“Oh.”

Cas could almost see the cog wheels turning inside Claire’s head as she thought about it. Then she frowned again.

“Does it hurt?”

“Does what hurt, Claire?”

“Sex. Does sex hurt?”

“No, it doesn’t hurt,” Cas said with an awkward chuckle. He handed her a paper napkin when he saw she was done eating, to wipe away the mayo stuck on her mouth.

Claire didn’t ask any further questions. She seemed satisfied with the answers she got, and she probably had to process this information first.

After emptying half of her juice box, Claire suppressed a yawn and laid down on the blanket.

“Are you sleepy?” Cas asked.

“Yes.”

Cas pulled a towel out of his backpack and folded it into a cushion to put underneath Claire’s little head. Not five minutes later, she was sound asleep.

While Claire was napping, Cas read a bit, sitting with his back against the firm trunk of the tree. It surprised him that, unlike yesterday evening, he actually managed to concentrate on the story.

Claire woke up about an hour later, all moody and whiny. She felt better as soon as she got another sandwich and the rest of her juice box  into her system. All fueled up, she ran off again to play some more with her friends.

At half past four, Cas announced it was time to go. He wetted a washcloth from a bottle of water, and ran it over Claire’s face, her hands, arms and legs to get rid of the dirt. He then helped her to change her soiled play clothes for her light summer dress. She had to be a bit presentable when they went to the ice cream parlor, right?

Dean was already waiting for them when they arrived there at five sharp. Claire immediately ran over to him and crawled into his lap.

“Hey pumpkin. Did you have a good time?”

Claire nodded vigorously. “Yes. I played with Chelsey.”

Dean glanced at Cas who slipped into the booth and affirmed what she was saying. “She napped for about an hour,” he added.

An obviously pregnant waitress came to take their order.

“Oh look, daddy, she has a baby in her belly,” Claire said, her eyes wide with wonder as she pointed to the woman’s baby bump. “That means she had sex, right, nanny Cas?” she blurted out.

Dean gasped loudly. His face turned all different shades of red. Cas was glad the guy didn’t have any food or drink in his mouth, because he would probably have spat it out.

“Claire!” Dean admonished. He turned to the waitress. “I’m...I’m so sorry...I…”

“That’s okay,” the waitress said after recovering from her initial surprise. She waved her arm with a smile. “She isn’t wrong. That’s how babies are made.” She nodded. “You have a smart little girl.”

After writing their choice of ice cream on a note pad, with Dean still looking absolutely horrified, the waitress walked away.

Cas chewed his lower lip. He was so going to hear it, but he also knew Dean well enough already that he wouldn’t scold him out in front of Claire.

“I spotted some coloring books at the play corner,” Dean told his daughter, voice strained with contained anger. “Why don’t you go color some pictures for me while we wait for our ice cream, okay?”

“Okay.” Claire slid out of the booth and ran off.

“What the hell have you been telling her,” Dean asked through gritted teeth, as soon as she was out of earshot.

“Claire heard her friend talking about sex and she asked me what it was,” was Cas’s honest answer.

Dean blinked in surprise. “And you  _ told _ her? What the hell, Cas.”

“It’s perfectly normal for children Claire’s age to ask about these things, Dean. They hear a lot in school and they ask about it.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to actually  _ talk _ about it, or answer it.”

“Yes, it does. It’s important to be honest and open and available when they ask you about it. Having a negative reaction or refusing to answer gives them the message that their natural curiosity is bad and that it’s not okay to come to you with questions. So, even if you feel flustered, try to keep calm. Do you think it was easy for me? Do you think I didn’t feel awkward when Claire asked me?”

“I’m...eh…” Dean stuttered. He sighed. “She’s  _ four _ , Cas.”

“Yes she is, and she’s still a clean slate and adorably innocent. She doesn’t even really know what it means, but that doesn’t mean you have to dismiss it when she asks about it, or, worse, get angry. Just try to explain on a level a four year old can understand. You don’t have to go into detail about it.”

“God forbid.” Dean rolled his eyes. He squinted. “Did the children you formerly took care of ask you about it?”

Cas shook his head. “No. The Morrisons were very open with their kids. The oldest child, who was seven, already knew quite a bit, and siblings usually ask their older brothers or sisters about it first.”

Dean ran a hand over his face. “Man.” He chuckled while shaking his head, finally able to see the humor in it. “So, that was the first time for you? That a child asked a question like that?”

“Yes. And although I knew how to handle it, it caught me off guard.”

“Yeah. I can only imagine,” Dean mumbled.

Their ice creams arrived, and Dean called Claire over to come and eat it before it melted.

For a little while, they enjoyed it in silence, but Cas could clearly see on Claire’s face she was thinking about something. He braced himself, sensing another question was coming.

“Daddy?”

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“So, grown ups have sex to make a baby, right?”

Dean swallowed hard. He glanced over at Cas for support before answering.

“Ehm, yes.”

“So, I have an idea.”

“Oh? What’s that?” Dean scooped up some ice cream.

“Why don’t you and nanny Cas have sex and make a brother or a sister for me?”

Dean choked. He honestly choked. His face became so red Cas was afraid it was going to explode any second. He reached out his hand and wrapped his fingers firmly around Dean’s wrist. When he caught Dean’s eyes he slowly nodded his head, signaling him to calm down.

Claire was beaming at them as if she just had the most wonderful idea in the whole wide world. It was almost sad to shatter her dreams.

“It doesn’t work that way, Claire,” Cas said, because Dean was still looking for his voice.

“Why not?”

“Because mommies and mommies or daddies and daddies can’t make babies with each other. You need a mommy and a daddy for that.”

“Oh.” Claire frowned. “Can’t they have sex then?”

“They can. They just can’t make babies.”

Claire processed that while continuing to eat her ice cream. Cas could hear her thinking. He wondered when she was going to put two and two together. With her intelligence it probably wouldn’t take long. He was right. Understanding dawned on her face and with a radiant smile she turned to Dean.

“You’re a daddy and mommy’s a mommy, so, you should have sex and make a brother or a sister for me.” It sounded like an order.

“I think that’s something your mommy and I should decide,” Dean said, finally able to speak again, exchanging a quick look with Cas.

Claire shrugged. “Okay. But I still don’t think it’s fair that two mommies and two daddies can’t make babies.”

Cas took in a silent breath. Claire didn’t know how much he agreed with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See ya'll next week.


	5. Chapter 5

 

DEAN

 

Dean plopped down on the couch with a bottle of beer in his hand. He stretched his legs out in front of him and let his head fall back against the cushions. “What. A. Day,” he thought with a sigh that pierced through the lingering silence of the house.

After finishing their ice cream, they had said goodbye to Cas outside the parlor and went their own separate ways. They wouldn’t see him tomorrow, but he would be back on Monday.

With Claire now nicely tucked away in her bed for the night, Dean could let his mind wander. He went over the events of today.

While Cas was in the park with Claire, Dean got some work done as planned. He wasn’t caught up yet, but he made progress; a lot of progress actually. Taking Charlie’s advice and hiring a nanny was the best thing he had done in quite a while, even if that nanny was a dude. Cas was a godsend.

He took a swig from his beer while remembering the ‘sex talk’. Holy fuck if that wasn’t the most awkward thing in a long time. And when Claire had casually said that he and Cas should have sex because that was the way to get a brother or a sister, he had genuinely lost it. Of course Claire hadn’t meant anything by it. It was just her very logical solution to having a sibling.

Lucky for him, Cas had kept his cool and had explained to his four year old that it took a mommy and a daddy to make a baby, which had lead to Claire telling him he should have sex with her mom then.

Right. And when exactly was the last time that had happened? He honestly couldn’t say. Besides, Anna having another baby? He snorted. When hell freezes over maybe, but certainly not sooner than that. 

Deprived of sex, Dean had to satisfy himself with jerking off sessions in the shower every morning. It did the trick with getting rid of his boner, but it didn’t fill the emptiness in his soul, or fulfill the need to be close to someone he loved.

The image of a pair of eyes the color of sapphires brightening up a handsome face, appeared before him. 

“No.” He pushed the mental image away. He was not going to think about Cas that way. The side of himself that he had buried a long time ago, had no business resurfacing now. He had experimented and dealt with it in college, it was over. He was strictly into women now. Besides, Cas was his daughter’s nanny, and he himself was still frigging married.

It was mainly because of his dad that Dean denied that particular side of himself. John Winchester would have beaten the crap out of him if he ever found out his oldest son was into both boys and girls. He died shortly after Dean’s wedding to Anna, not knowing who his son really was at his core. 

Out of nowhere, the image of a smiling Cas started to float before his mind’s eye again. He shifted in his seat as something started to grow between his legs. The crotch area of his pants became pretty tight. 

_ Shit. _

This shouldn’t be happening. He shouldn’t pop a boner at the mere thought of his daughter’s babysitter, what the hell?

Deciding to ignore his physical reaction to the new nanny, he emptied his beer bottle with a last swig and went to bed to watch some porn. He had to get his mind off of Cas, and what was more suitable for that than a good porn video?

He first checked on Claire to make sure she was fast asleep. When there was no indication that she wasn’t anywhere else than in the land of her dreams, he went to his bedroom but locked the door just in case. The last thing he needed was his daughter to walk in on him in the middle of jerking off.

By the time Dean had gotten rid of all his clothes and had made himself comfortable on the bed with a porn video playing on his laptop, his dick was reduced from hard to half hard and didn’t want to go up again. It wasn’t even remotely interested in the exaggerated groans and moans from the people on the screen while they were getting it on with each other.

Frustrated, he pulled up another video, and another one, but neither did the trick. 

He was about to give up and call it quits when the image of Cas suddenly flashed before his eyes. This time his cock did jerk up.

_ Oh for the love of… Okay, fine. _

With a slight bit of guilt in his stomach, Dean did something he hadn’t done in sixteen years. He subscribed to a male porn channel.

Excitement rolled in his gut as he watched the first video. His cock immediately started to grow in his hands. Oh yes, this was it. Why had he denied himself this?

Oh, that’s right. He had to pretend he was entirely straight. Well, you know what? Fuck them all. He liked some good male on male action and no one had to know about it, right?

Without taking his eyes from the screen, he put himself on his knees. He took the tube of Astroglide and lubed up his fingers. While watching on the laptop as one guy sucked the other guy’s dick, he reached behind himself and circled his rim. He swallowed and then pushed his finger past the muscle.

Gasping at the burning sensation, he took his cock and started stroking while actively fucking his finger.

He inserted a second finger, and a third, reveling in the jolts of pleasure that rippled through his body as he found his prostate and jabbed it with every other stroke of his cock.

The men fucking each other on the screen were all but forgotten as Dean lost himself in his own world of happy satisfaction and enjoyment.

A pair of bright blue eyes suddenly appeared behind his closed eyelids and he promptly came to the image, spilling his release sticky and warm over his hand with a long moan.

Dean shuddered through his orgasm until the last drop of semen pulsed from his cock. He took a few seconds to control his breathing and his racing heartbeat, as he slowly calmed down, before taking the wet wipes to clean up his mess.

That’s when he got overwhelmed with shame. What the fuck did he just do? What was wrong with him that he had to watch gay porn and come to the vision of Claire’s babysitter while he was fucking married?

Scolding himself out with every ugly word in his vocabulary, he walked to the bathroom for a shower. 

Taking deep, calming breaths, he tried to wash the guilt from his body, not that it worked. Thinking about it rationally though, there was nothing to feel guilty about. How many married men masturbated? All of them probably, and Dean was also not naïve enough to think they only had their wives on their minds while doing it.

Yeah, okay, but Cas was a dude, dude.

So?

So he was also Claire’s frigging nanny.

So?

So IT WAS NOT RIGHT

UGH. He was not going to have this conversation with himself.

The fruity fragrance of his body wash, featuring lavender, geranium and citrus, filled the bathroom as Dean dried himself with a fluffy dark green towel. 

By the time he slipped underneath the covers in just his boxers, he had reached a decision. This was a one time event that was never going to happen again. Cas was off limits, even in his imagination.

Glad that he had sorted that out for himself, he turned on his side and closed his eyes.

_ Yeah, Winchester, let’s see how well that’s gonna work out for you _ , he thought before he drifted off to sleep.

\----------

In a matter of just a few weeks, Cas became a constant in Claire and Dean’s life. Every night, Dean came home to a clean house, the smell of a home cooked meal and a giggling, happy Claire. Basically, he came home to the warmth and the comfort of a _real_ _home_.

Dean had often told Cas he didn’t have to do all the house chores, but Cas always dismissed him, saying he loved doing it.

Cas ate dinner with them and went home when it was Claire’s bath time. It was a sort of comfortable routine they had fallen into. Dean couldn’t deny how much he liked it.

Anna couldn’t care less that Dean had hired a babysitter and that said babysitter was a man. “Good for you,” was all she had to say about it, and then just went on with her day as if it wasn’t important. She didn’t even take the time and the trouble to meet the guy.

It was close to Halloween when Anna came home earlier than usual. It wasn’t even ten yet.

Dean heard the front door opening and closing, followed by the clicking of heels on the parquet floor in the hall.

“Wow, Anna. Who kicked you out of your office,” Dean joked, surprised, but with a sarcastic undertone when he saw his wife appearing in the arched doorway of the living room. 

“Ha, ha, very funny Dean,” Anna drily replied. Balancing on her forever high heels - Dean often wondered how the hell her feet didn’t hurt walking around in those type of shoes all day long - she strode over to the couch. The skirt of her designer Armani two piece suit that barely reached to her knees, pulled up a bit when she placed herself next to him.

She faced him, knees neatly pressed together and with one foot hooked over the other.

Dean swallowed. She was such a beautiful woman and physically very attractive, yet it left him cold. No matter how pretty she was, with a body many women would give an arm and a leg for, Dean knew how she was on the inside, and that wasn’t a pretty picture.

“I have something for you,” she said. She reached into her leather briefcase and pulled out a present. “Here.”

Dean suspiciously glared at the square package. It was black wrapped up with a white bow.

“What’s this?”

“It’s an early Christmas and birthday present.” She chuckled. “It should cover your last birthday as well, since I didn’t get anything for you.”

Dean raised his brows. Well, at least she thought it was funny that she forgot his birthday this year, which was over nine frigging months ago.

Wait, what did she mean by ‘early’? An awful premonition stirred in his gut. 

With a lot of caution, he took the present and opened it. He gasped loudly when he saw what it was.

With wide eyes, he stared at an 18 ct everose gold rolex with a diamond paved dial. This must have cost a fortune, what the hell?

“Do you like it?”

Dean looked up. She was beaming and there was a strange glint in her eyes, like she  _ wanted _ to make him happy with an expensive gift. He sensed an ulterior motive though. Anna never just did something; there was always an agenda.

He moved his gaze back to the watch. He had to admit it was fucking gorgeous, but how on earth could she afford it? 

“Not to sound ungrateful here, Anna, but how did you pay for this? Did you rob a bank or something?”

“Damn it Dean.” Anna rolled her eyes at him. “You know how much I make. I never kept that a secret. And you also know I have my own private savings account. That’s not a secret either.” She huffed out a little laugh. “Okay, that’s empty now, but you know what? It’s worth it.” She grabbed his hands. “When you married me, I had nothing. You gave me the wedding of my dreams which left you nearly broke. You did that for me. You stood by me when I worked hard on my career, and you were always there for me and for Claire. You earned this, Dean.”

Dean squinted. Okay, where was his wife and what did this woman do to her? She was so sucking up to him, and she never did that unless she wanted something from him.

“Why do I sense there’s more, Anna? What are you not telling me?”

Anna averted her eyes. Her gaze moved down and she released his hands. 

“Ehm...the company is opening a new division in Paris and they want me there to supervise it.” She drew her lower lip between her perfectly white teeth as she looked back up, pleading, begging him to understand. “This is a big opportunity for me, Dean.”

“I’m sure it is,” Dean replied.

Anna sighed. “Look, Dean, I’m not asking for your permission, I’m only asking you to understand why I have to do this. I  _ want _ to do this.”

Dean shook his head. He wasn’t going to stop her. She was her own person, but damn it, their marriage was in trouble as it was already, and this was not going to make it better.

“How long?” he asked because, let’s face it, this was not something that was going to take a week or two. 

“At least until February.”

“Wait, what? That’s three whole months!”

Anna took in a deep breath. “Four actually. I’m leaving tomorrow.”

Dean jumped up. “I need a drink,” he mumbled. He walked over to the kitchen and opened the fridge to pull out a beer. He looked at it for a second and then put it back. A simple beer wasn’t going to cut it, he needed something stronger.

Clenching and unclenching his fists to control the anger that started to bubble up, he strode back into the living room to fix himself a scotch at the mini bar. So that’s what the watch was for, to soften him up. He let some ice cubes fall into the crystal glass. 

And if his marriage had been a solid one, or if Anna had taken the time and the trouble to be a mom to Claire, or a wife to him once in a while, her going away for four months wouldn’t have bothered him so much. But with how things were now? 

With the glass in his hands, he turned back to her. “So, you won’t be home for Thanksgiving?”

“No. I’m sorry.” Anna looked down at her hands that were folded in her lap.

Oh was she really? He doubted it. They always went to Sam at Thanksgiving, and Anna had always been sitting there looking like she’d rather be someplace else. 

“At least you will be home for the holidays, right?”

Anna didn’t respond. She didn’t even look at him. Her silence tightened the knot that had nested in his stomach, heightening the earlier premonition.

“Anna?” he asked, a warning clear in his tone.

“I’m afraid I won’t, Dean.”

Dean blinked rapidly. “What did you say?” He flinched at the sound of his own voice. It was low and dark and it perfectly reflected what he felt.

“Dean, I’ll be working 24/7. I will probably even be working on Christmas day.”

Dean threw his head back and closed his eyes.

“You can always come with me,” Anna then suggested.

Dean snapped his head back up. “If what you’re saying is true, and you will be working 24/7, then what’s the use, Anna? Besides, I have my own business to run here and I don’t want to rip Claire away from her friends.” He took a sip from his drink. The ice cubes that touched his lips for a second left them tingling from their cold.

Anna didn’t put up much of a fight, not that he expected her to. And that’s when it hit him full in the face. She probably  _ was _ having an affair and her lover, whoever it was, was probably going to be in Paris with her.

No! He could not think that way. 

With one large gulp, he finished his drink and drew in a sharp breath through his teeth as the liquor burned down his throat. He turned to the mini bar to fix himself another one.

If Anna was having an affair, then why was she still with him? She was an independent woman who didn’t need him, and she sure wasn’t staying for Claire. She never really cared about her daughter so why would she start now?

“I’d better go pack my suitcases,” Anna said behind him. He heard the rustle of fabric as she stood up.

Dean turned back around when the sound of her high heels sounded on the wooden steps as she went upstairs. 

Since he never saw a lot of Anna when she was at home, it wouldn’t really make that much of a difference for her to be gone for four months. The only difference would be that his bed would be empty at night and she wouldn’t be there to celebrate the holidays with him and Claire. Not that that was such a big loss. She never liked those family events anyway.


	6. Chapter 6

 

CAS

 

Cas was surprised when Dean had called to tell him he didn’t need to pick up Claire from preschool, but to come over at noon instead. He was still wondering what that was all about when he pulled up into Dean’s driveway.

With the key, he let himself into the house through the back door.

Claire was sitting at the kitchen table, coloring pictures. She jumped up from her chair and flung herself into his arms the moment she saw him.

“Nanny Cas!”

Cas crouched down to properly hold her. When she didn’t release him but instead tightened her little arms around his neck, he knew something was not quite right.

“Hey. What’s wrong?”

Claire didn’t answer, she just kept holding onto him like he was some sort of life buoy.

He looked up at a noise, and saw Dean appearing in the kitchen doorway with a rather dark expression on his face. It kind of scared him.

“Thanks for coming, Cas,” he boomed with a nod of his head. A little softer he continued, addressing Claire “Sweetheart, can I have a moment alone with nanny Cas, please?”

Claire finally released Cas from her iron grip. “I’m happy you are here nanny Cas,” she said, looking straight at him before running off to the living room.

Cas was at a total loss. Both Dean and Claire were acting strange. What the hell was going on here? Was it something that he did? Did he say or do something wrong?

While all these questions were running through his mind, he quietly watched Dean taking two mugs from the kitchen cabinet. He brushed Claire’s coloring books and crayons to the side and put the mugs on the table, together with the can of coffee, cream and sugar cubes. He pulled out a chair to sit down, and motioned to Cas to do the same.

“Anna left for Paris today,” he started, sounding more angry than sad while pouring himself a mug of coffee. “I kept Claire from school so she could spend some time with her mom while I drove her to the airport.”

“Oh.” Cas frowned. “I’m sorry.” What else could he say to that? At least it wasn’t about something he did or said that he shouldn’t have.

Dean huffed out a bitter laugh. “Yeah, me too.”

Cas figured there was more to this story. It wasn’t the first time that Anna had gone away for a long period of time, so, what was it that made it so different now?

“She will be gone for the next four months, and won’t be home for Thanksgiving nor for Christmas,” Dean continued around a sigh as if he had just read Cas’s mind. He put a sugar cube in his coffee, stirred and carefully took a sip.

Now Cas finally got it. So, that’s what was wrong. Four months huh? And not even coming home for the holidays? Who did that? Even the Morrisons who lived very busy lives, made time to spend with their family, especially for family occasions like Thanksgiving and Christmas. They never even skipped a birthday.

“I  _ am _ sorry, Dean,” Cas said again. “Claire seems to be taking it surprisingly well though. Does she know her mom won’t be home for Christmas?”

Dean nodded. “She does and frankly, she doesn’t really care that much about it. Sure, she’s a bit sad, but that will all be forgotten in a few days.”

Cas didn’t understand. He couldn’t even wrap his head around what Dean had just said, which was basically that Claire wouldn’t miss her mom at all. How? Why? 

These questions must have been written all over his face because Dean went on “Cas, there’s something you need to know.”

“Okay.”

Dean looked over at the living room for a second to check what Claire was doing. Then he leaned forward and lowered his voice to almost a whisper.

“Claire was an accident.” He quickly held up his hand. “Don’t get me wrong. She’s the best thing that has ever happened to me, but Anna,” he shook his head, a sarcastic smile on his lips, “Anna didn’t want her. There isn’t a maternal bone in her body. I practically raised Claire on my own.”

Cas got the whole story. It left him baffled. Claire basically grew up with a mother who didn’t want to give her the time of day. He could almost feel his heart breaking over that, especially when Dean told him how many hours Claire had spent sitting in front of the bedroom door on Sunday, waiting for her mom who was ‘napping’, to come out and play with her.

“That’s pretty sad, Dean.”

“Yeah.” Dean stared at his hands. He plucked the side of his thumb. “You eh...in the past few weeks you’ve been more of a mother figure to her than Anna has been in the last four years.”

The shade of pink that slowly covered Dean’s cheeks was so adorable it almost made Cas reach out his hands and put them over Dean’s in a manner of comfort. He barely contained himself from doing so. It wasn’t right.

“That’s ehm...a nice compliment, Dean. And I will continue to do my best,” he said, meaning every word of it.

Dean held up his head to shoot him a smile. Their eyes met, and while Cas had looked into them so many times before, only now did he notice the tiny specks of gold in them that lit up, caught by the sunlight that poured through the window. In that moment, Cas fell, and for the first time he wondered how Dean’s full lips would taste; what kind of feelings it would kick alive at the touch of Dean’s tongue against his; what it would be like to…

“Daddy, daddy, daddy,” Claire came running into the kitchen, brutally kicking Cas out of his reverie. Judging by the look on Dean’s face, he had been caught in the moment himself. 

Claire put a magazine on the kitchen table and crawled onto a chair. “I want this dress for Halloween.”

“What or who do you want to be for Halloween, Claire?” Cas asked, glad she had come running in when she did. 

“Elsa.” Claire shoved the magazine underneath his nose. “And I want this dress” she added pointing to a picture.

“That’s very beautiful.”

“Yes, it is.” Claire turned back to Dean. “Can I daddy?”

“If it’s still available when we go to the store on Saturday, sure,” Dean replied.

Wrong answer. Claire’s bottom lip started to tremble and her big blue eyes filled up with tears.

“But...but...but what if it is not ava...ava...not there anymore?” She sounded like it would be the end of the world and in her mind, it would. Cas knew very well how those little brains worked.

“Then you pick out something else.”

Cas held his breath. Again, wrong answer. Oh Dean. You really should know that for four year olds it’s never that simple.

“But I don’t want something else. I wanna be Elsa,” Claire yelled, jumping off the chair.

Cas watched as Dean’s features darkened. He opened his mouth to say something, probably about to add to the drama instead of making it better by the way he looked, so Cas shot him a pointed look to prevent him from speaking.

Dean instantly got the message and snapped his mouth shut.

“Come here, Claire,” Cas said.

Claire glared at him with her arms folded across her chest and her lips pursed into a cute pout. She hesitated, but then gave in and slowly walked over to him.

Cas picked her up and put her in his lap. “You know, your daddy is going to do the best he can to get you that Elsa dress, but if it is not available anymore, that is not your daddy’s fault. You need a back up plan.”

Claire turned her head at him with a frown. “What’s backplan?”

“Back up plan,” Cas corrected her. “It’s your second choice in case you can’t have your first choice. So, besides Elsa, who else or what else do you like?”

“I like Belle,” Claire said after giving it some thought.

“Oh, good choice. I like her too.” Cas thumbed through the magazine with Halloween costumes and soon found a gorgeous Belle dress. “See how beautiful this one is? And it’s also from Disney.”

Claire shrugged. “I guess so.”

“Okay. I want you to close your eyes now. Close your eyes. Are they closed?”

Claire nodded.

“Now I want you to picture in your head how beautiful you are going to be wearing that Belle dress. Do you see it?”

Again Claire nodded.

Cas shot a quick look at Dean who was watching him with a lot of admiration in his eyes. He formed the words ‘thank you’ at him.

Cas gave him a nod and then turned his attention back to Claire.

“Now, I want you to take this magazine, go to the living room, pick out some other costumes you like and picture how you would look in them in your head.”

“Who do you like, nanny Cas?”

“Me? Well, I like Cinderella. I bet she has a very nice dress too.”

Claire jumped down from his lap, took the magazine and darted to the living room.

“Jesus, Cas,” Dean breathed out when Claire was out of earshot. “I think you just prevented a major temper tantrum.”

“They’re four year olds, Dean. It’s always a big drama to them if they can’t have something they want, but they are smarter than you think. Claire was easy to handle. A lot of kids are more stubborn.” He sipped his coffee.

Dean leaned back in his chair. A sad laugh escaped his lips. “I feel like such a failure in the dad department.”

“You are not a failure, Dean,” Cas said adamantly. “Don’t ever let me hear those words coming out of your mouth again. You’re a great dad.”

With a shy smile, Dean rubbed an imaginary spot on the table surface. “You think so?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Thanks, Cas.” He sighed. “I kind of needed to hear that.”

A short silence fell, a silence in which Cas carefully observed the man sitting across from him. He was so freaking gorgeous. If only he wasn’t married…

He pushed the thought away before it had the chance to fully blossom. Sure, there was an attraction, he was the last man to deny it, but he couldn’t feed it. The guy had a wife for crying out loud. Cas wasn’t a homewrecker, and even though the home was wrecked already, sadly enough, Cas wasn’t going to add to that.

He meant what he had told Dean. He was a great dad, Claire was raised very well and he did that all by himself without much help from his wife, who should fucking appreciate Dean for all that he did to keep his family together. 

“Cas, I need a favor,” Dean broke the lingering silence first.

“Sure. Name it.”

“I eh… Do you have plans on Halloween? I mean, could you maybe stay a little longer in the evening and take Claire trick or treating so I can stay at home to give candy to the kids?”

“Of course.” Why was that even a question? He’d love to spend Halloween with them.

“And can you come in the next day at 8.30? It’s probably gonna get late and Claire will be tired,” Dean continued. “I’d rather keep her at home and let her sleep in the day after, you know?”

“It’s not a problem, Dean. And before you ask, I will come in in the morning on school holidays as well. We haven’t actually discussed that yet now that I think of it.”

“You’re right, we haven’t.” Dean ran both hands over his face. “God, I’m a bad employer.”

“No, you’re not,” Cas deadpanned. “And why don’t _ you _ take Claire trick or treating and _ I _ stay here to give the candy?” He squinted. “Unless you don’t want to.”

Dean blinked in surprise. “Of course I want to. I just...you do so much for us already Cas, and I just...I want you to have some fun.”

“You’re her dad, Dean. You should take her, and besides, who says I’m not having fun watching Claire?”

Dean chuckled. “I’m glad you feel that way. He glanced at the clock. “But I have to head to the office. I’m meeting a client at two.”

“Dean, before you go, may I ask you something?”

“Yeah, shoot.”

“I didn’t want to say this in front of Claire, but, do you want me to take her to the store to get her Elsa dress? There’s a bigger chance it’s still available now than if you wait. Besides, the stores will be overflowing with customers on Saturday.”

Dean thoughtfully drew his bottom lip between his teeth. The act was so damn seductive that Cas instantly popped a boner. He swallowed hard around the lump in his throat as he shifted in his seat.

“That’s...not a bad idea.” Dean took his wallet and pulled out a hundred dollar bill. He put it on the table. “This should cover the Elsa dress.” He hesitated and then pulled out another hundred dollar bill. “And this should cover your costume.”

Cas stared at the money with wide open eyes. “Dean, I can’t take that. For Claire’s dress, yes, but not…”

“Cas, please,” Dean cut him off. “I asked you to be here on Halloween so it’s only fair that I pay for your costume.”

“No, Dean…”

“Do you want me to go into employer mode and give you an order, Cas? Because I will if you keep refusing me.”

Cas’s breath hitched. He knew Dean was kind of joking; he could tell from the teasing glint in his eyes, but god damn, that commanding tone in his voice was a real turn on. His cock grew even harder, pushing against the fabric of his boxers as it tried to escape the confinement of its prison.

“Ehm...ok.”

Dean’s eyes flicked to Cas’s mouth for a second and back up again while licking his lips, probably a very unconscious act. Then, as if he suddenly realised what he was doing, he stood up with the words “I really need to go now,” and went to the living room to say goodbye to Claire.

Cas couldn't be sure, but for a split second he swore he saw a bulge in Dean’s pants right at the crotch area. It caught him so completely off guard that he barely heard Dean saying: “Have fun at the store,” before disappearing through the door into the crisp air of this beautiful autumn day.

\----------

Claire was one big bouncing ball of excitement. She couldn’t shut up all the way to the store, and was still babbling when they walked through the seemingly endless aisles of Halloween costumes and props.

“There it is,” Claire yelled when she spotted her much wanted Elsa dress, and ran over to the rack. Cas followed her with a big smile plastered onto his mouth.

He had to admit, Claire had taste. It was truly a beautiful and elegant Disney original dress in soft velour, with glitter encrusted jewels and glitter accent designs woven into the fabric. He carefully looked through them and Claire was in luck; her size was still available.

Of course, now she also wanted the matching shoes, the tiara and the Frozen deluxe light and sound wand. 

On their way to the adult section of the Halloween costumes, Claire saw a Frozen Essential treat bag and she asked if she could have that too. Since it was only 50 cents, Cas figured it couldn’t do any harm.

Claire’s whole outfit had cost about 100 dollars, which was more than he spent on his own costume. He hoped that Dean liked what he had chosen for himself.

Driving back home from the store, he thought about what happened a few hours ago. The sexual attraction was obvious. The trick right now was not to give in or to act on it, because that had trouble written all over it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all. I don't know where the end note of the last chapter came from for that was the end not from chapter 3. Anyway, have a bit of Halloween fun.

 

DEAN

 

On Halloween, Dean came home an hour earlier than usual. There were already a few trick or treaters roaming the streets, mostly small children with their parents.

As he moved his car up his driveway, he saw the pumpkins on his porch were already lit. Yesterday he had walked in on Cas and Claire carving them out. Afterwards, Cas had made delicious soup from the pulp that had come from inside the fruit. A faint smile graced his mouth at the memory.

The garage door automatically opened, and closed again once he had driven inside. Usually, he didn’t bother putting the car in the garage on weekdays. He would just let it sit on the driveway and enter the house through the front door. It wasn’t wise to do that tonight though; not with all the kids wandering the neighbourhood.

As he made his way through the yard to the back door, Dean wondered what Cas would be dressed like. He didn’t want to give any details about the costume he had bought. Dean had tried to get Claire to spill the beans, but the only answer he got from her was that it was a secret and she had promised not to tell. The tinge of jealousy that disturbed him on and off, stirred in his gut. He envied the bond Cas and Claire had formed. He knew it was ridiculous. If anything, he should be glad his daughter and her babysitter got along so well. Besides, he was still Claire’s dad and he knew his little girl worshipped him.

He feigned surprise when he entered the kitchen and saw Claire sitting at the table eating her dinner, already all dressed up and looking adorable.

“Who are you?” he asked, shrugging off his jacket.

“I’m Elsa. I’m a princess.”

Dean raised his eyebrows. “Hey, nanny Cas? Do you know there’s a princess sitting at my kitchen table? And where’s my…”

He cut himself off as he had to gasp for air at the sight of Cas appearing in the kitchen doorway.

“...daughter,” he finished his sentence, while giving Cas a once over.

Cas wore a black and red checkered jacket with long black satin sleeves, over simple black slacks and shining black dress shoes. The coat fastened at the front with silver buttons with inset red faux gems. A black cravat over a white shirt sat underneath the jacket, and the equally black cape with attached silver brooch that matched the buttons completed the outfit. It was the silver mask that covered the right half of his face that gave away that Cas was dressed like the Phantom of the Opera. Dean swallowed hard. How come his daughter’s babystitter was so devastatingly handsome? It wasn’t fair, and it did things to him it shouldn’t be doing.

“Daddy, you’re silly,” Claire giggled, and promptly started him out of his staring. The ringing of the doorbell saved him from further embarrassment.

“Excuse me,” Cas said. He turned around and walked away to answer the door.

“Trick or treaaaaaaaat,” Dean heard some children’s voices yelling in unison. He gave Claire a smile. “Are you ready for tonight?”

“Yes.” Claire put her fork down. “I’m finished.”

Dean looked at her plate. There were only a few bites left, which was good. Claire never was a big eater, and he had learned a long time ago that it wasn’t recommended to force more food down children’s throats just for the sake of finishing their plates. He knew how much his daughter could eat.

“Go wash your hands. I’ll get some dinner first and then take a shower and get dressed, okay?”

“Okay.” Claire hopped from her chair and almost bumped into Cas, who entered the kitchen. He jumped aside just in time, with his hands lifting in the air.

Dean chuckled. He scooped up some potatoes. “Phantom of the Opera huh, Cas?”

“Ehm, yes.” He opened his mouth to say more but was interrupted by another ring of the doorbell.

“Excuse me,” he said again.

With a smile Dean shook his head. It sure was getting busy already.

\----------

With a critical eye, Dean looked at his reflection in the mirror. His western outfit suited him, even though he said so himself.

Dean always had a cowboy fetish, ever since he was a child. He especially loved the ones from the Wild Wild West, like Wild Bill Hickok, the fastest gun in the West, or the notorious Billy the Kid, to name a few. 

He adjusted the double holster with the fake pistols, that was strapped around his waist and hanging low on his hips, before putting on the black duster and his oversized cowboy hat.

Damn. He really looked like he just ran away from the set of some spaghetti western.

He nodded at his reflection. “Here we go.”

The spurs on his boots jingled with every step he took. It made Cas and Claire simultaneously look up as he came down the stairs with a menacing tread. 

At the bottom, he stopped, legs spread wide and with his hands hovering over the holster, like he was ready to pull his guns. Slowly, he lifted his head to shoot both his daughter and her babysitter a threatening death glare.

“You look scary,” Claire breathed with wide eyes.

“He does,” Cas agreed.

Dean dropped the act and beamed at them. “I’m glad you guys like it.” He turned to Claire. “So, princess, are you ready to go?”

“Yes, yes, yes.” Claire jumped up and down in excitement, her blonde curls bouncing with her. She adjusted her tiara, grabbed her wand and her treat bag, and was already out the door with Dean trailing after her.

“Have fun,” Cas shouted from in the doorway.

Dean waved. “We will.”

During their tour through the neighborhood, Dean turned a lot of heads, especially from the ladies. It made him feel cocky and confident as he walked the streets with his thumbs in the front pockets of his pants, acting like the cowboy that he was. This was one of the reasons why he liked Halloween so much. Once a year he could do this without being ridiculous or raising too many eyebrows.

He was glad that it was him who took Claire trick or treating, and not Cas. Dean might draw a lot of attention, but he was sure Cas would manage to make half a dozen moms and dads, single or not, faint, and he couldn’t have that. Cas was his. He wasn’t willing to share him.

And where  _ the fuck _ did that thought come from? He absolutely could not think like that.

After he had come so vigorously to the image of Cas a while ago, he had managed to keep his dirty fantasies at bay. Not that it was that easy because, let’s face it, that orgasm had been the best in like, forever, in the self satisfactory department.

Tired of fighting Cas’s image from his mind every time he wrapped his hand around his cock for another jerking off session, he had allowed himself to have it, but that’s as far as he was willing to go. It was a fantasy that was never going to happen in real life.

\----------

Claire was on a serious sugar high when they finished their tour at a little after eight. Dean gave his overactive four year old a bath, hoping it would relax her a bit, and then let her further unwind in her pajamas. She wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway, with all those trick or treaters that were still outside ringing the doorbell every five minutes.

While Cas was still handing out candy, now with Claire’s help, Dean changed into some comfortable sweats himself.

It was nine when things started to calm down, and half an hour later, Dean put Claire to bed, glad that she went out like a light.

Cas blew out the pumpkins and turned out the porch light as an indication that this house was out of candy. 

“You want a beer, Cas?” Dean asked, coming darting from the stairs and making a beeline for the fridge.

“No, thank you. I have to go home. It’s already late.”

Despite Cas saying ‘no’, Dean pulled two beers from the fridge. 

“Why don’t you stay?” he asked offhandedly. He closed the fridge with his hip while pulling off the lids off the bottles and bringing them to the living room, where Cas was sitting on the couch, seemingly frozen and staring at him with wide open eyes.

Dean frowned. Why was Cas looking at him like that? It took him a moment to realize how his casual invitation to stay had sounded.

“Jesus, Cas, I didn’t mean it like that,” he breathed out, putting the bottles on the coffee table. He could feel how heat rose to his cheeks. “I was gonna offer you one of the two guest bedrooms.”

“Oh.” Cas visibly relaxed. He took in a deep breath. “I don’t know, Dean.”

“Why not? It’s already ten, and the only reason you go home is to sleep.” He waved with his bottle. “You can do that here.”

According to Cas’s facial expression, he still had some reservations about it, but he was getting there. Dean could see his reluctance crumbling by the second. It slowly dawned on him how much he wanted Cas to spend the night at his house, even if it was in another bedroom, obviously. He wanted to have Cas close to him; as close as platonically possible, which gave him another brilliant idea. 

“I don’t have anything with me…”Cas’s weak protest pierced his thoughts.

“You changed into your Halloween costume here, right?”

“Yes, but…”

“Then you have your regular clothes here, and I can always lend you some old pajamas I don’t wear anymore. The guest bedroom has its own bathroom, and I’m sure I have a new toothbrush lying around. There really is no reason why you shouldn’t stay, unless of course you don’t want to.” He took a swig from his beer. “I’m not gonna force you.”

“Ehm… If you’re sure you don’t mind?”

“Of course I don’t mind, Cas. I wouldn’t have offered it if I did,” Dean said, trying not to make a big deal out of it but in reality hoping and praying Cas would say yes.

Cas however, still had that very pensive frown between his brows; the one that was so fucking adorable Dean was sure it wasn’t legal. He rolled his eyes.

“Okay, I  _ want _ you to stay,” he finally confessed.

The frown between Cas’s brows grew deeper, and was now accompanied by a head tilt.

“Why?”

Dean almost lost it. Jesus, why couldn’t the guy just say yes. What the hell was so difficult about that?

“Because…” he waved circles with his bottle, searching for an excuse. “It’s more...convenient.”

Cas’s brows shot up, painting wrinkles on his forehead.

“Convenient?”

“Yes.”

“As in practical?”

“Yes, Cas, as in practical, Dean said around a sigh. Damn, this was exhausting. He was about to give up when Cas said:

“Okay.”

It was so sudden it made Dean’s head spin. He thought he didn’t hear it correctly.

“Okay?”

“Yes.”

“As in okay you’ll stay?” Dean asked just to be sure. He could hardly believe Cas just gave in.

“Yes.”

“Well, okay then.” A smile formed on his lips. He pointed at the bottle on the table. “You wanna have that beer now?”

Cas leaned forward and took the bottle. He saluted with it before taking a sip.

Dean sagged back into the cushions of the couch, putting his feet on the coffee table, crossed at the ankles.

“Now we got that out of the way… What are your plans for Thanksgiving?”

Cas shook his head. “I don’t have any plans.”

“Huh.” Dean rolled his head towards him. “You don’t celebrate Thanksgiving?”

“I do. I just don’t have any plans. My parents are dead, I’m an only child, and my new found family just moved to Europe.”

“Huh,” Dean said again, sounding a bit more surprised now, studying the tips of his toes on his socked feet. Sorrow washed through him. Cas really was all alone.

“Don’t you have any friends?”

“I have one good friend, but he lives in France and is there right now. I do know people, but they’re just acquaintances. The Morrisons were my family.”

“Man.” Dean ran a hand through his hair. He took his feet off the coffee table and straightened himself up. “You are so coming with me to Sam for Thanksgiving.”

“To your brother?”

“Yes. I will be damned if I’m gonna let you spend Thanksgiving alone. It’s not gonna happen.”

“But, Dean…”

“No, Cas. You’re coming and that’s final. No arguments.”

“But…”

“Nope.” Dean held up his hand and turned his head away with his eyes closed. He opened them again when he heard Cas sigh deeply.

“I told Sammy all about you, and he and Eileen are dying to meet you.”

“Are you sure they’re gonna want me there? It is a family dinner.”

“You are family, Cas.”

“I’m…” Cas plucked at the label of the beer bottle, his gaze fixed upon it. The corners of his mouth tugged up in a shy smile. “Thank you, Dean.”

“Well, it’s true. I already consider you as a vital part of this family, and that’s why I have another proposition for you.” He braced himself for what he was about to suggest, hoping Cas would go along with it. 

Cas moved his eyes up to meet his. “Oh?”

“Why don’t you stay here during Thanksgiving break? I mean, you’ll have to be here every morning for Claire, and it saves you the trip back and forth every day all week long.” He huffed out a little laugh while looking down at the beer bottle in his hands. “You can also sleep half an hour longer and it’s just...more…”

“Convenient?” Cas finished his sentence.

Another little laugh left Dean’s lips as he looked back up, straight into a sea of staring blue. “Yeah.”

The expression on Cas’s face was deadpan serious; stoic almost. His eyes however, betrayed a lot of emotions, from hesitation - that his was a bad idea - over fear, to the overwhelming urge to say ‘yes’.

“It  _ would _ be more practical for me to stay in on school holidays,” he finally agreed.

Dean let out a silent breath of relief. This went better than expected. 

“So, it’s settled then?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.” Dean clicked his beer bottle against Cas’s, trying not to show too much excitement about the whole thing. This was about Claire, right? And about Cas staying. Going home just to sleep, only to come back again early the next morning on the days that Claire didn’t have to go to school, would be a waste of time and energy. It was better this way. 

If Dean was totally and fully honest with himself, he had to admit this wasn’t just about Claire or Cas, but about himself as well. He was still a long way from accepting that though, his jerking off sessions to Cas’s image be damned. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated might be a bit slower from now on. Sorry.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments. Love you all.
> 
> There seems to be a glitch re the end notes. Somehow the end notes of an earlier chapter pop up. Ignore it.

 

CAS

 

Cas loved mornings. Those few moments right before the break of dawn, when the world was still shrouded in silence and everything seemed to be at peace, were the ones Cas cherished the most.

Despite the sub-zero temperatures, Cas was sitting on his porch, bundled up in a thick blanket that shielded him from the bitter cold of this early morning in late November.

His hands were wrapped around a mug of steaming hot tea; his breath forming little clouds in the frosty air with every exhale.

The sun was still hiding behind the curve of the horizon, but its bright rays already started to light up the sky in the East, while in the North, it was still pitch black. Soon that ball of raging fire would start to appear, ringing in a brand new day.

Cas quietly watched the magical sunrise with a sense of serenity. The world turned; nature stirred and woke up to the birds that let their songs be heard to whoever would take a moment to listen.

A thin fog rose up and danced above the surface of the frozen ground. An arctic wind coming from the North blew in Cas’s face and made his eyes water. He blinked away the mist forming before them, which caused a few tears to fall. Chuckling, he wiped them from his cheeks with the back of his hand.

He glanced at his watch. He still had a few minutes left before he needed to get ready to go to Dean’s. This was the first day of a whole week he would spend there. His bag was already packed and sitting by the door, waiting.

Cas let out a sigh of contentment. A fuzzy feeling had warmed his entire being when Dean had called him a part of his family a few weeks ago, and had made it very clear over the following days that he had meant it. He couldn’t have made Cas happier than he did with that statement. In a matter of only a few weeks, two strangers had become friends, with the love for a precious little girl in the middle to bind them together.

Echoes of long forgotten feelings from a distant past resurfaced. Cas knew what love was; he had experienced it once. It had left him with a heart broken into so many different pieces he wasn’t sure if he was able to ever mend it. Yet, he did. He had managed to put it back together, but was very reluctant to give it away again. A quick fuck fueled by a mutual attraction with some guy he met at a bar was one thing. Falling in love again...that was an entirely different ballgame.

_ Damn it. _ Why was he thinking about love now all of a sudden? The answer was obvious, and that answer had a name: Dean. Sure, Cas had a huge crush on the guy, he was not going to deny it, but to call it  _ love _ ? It was ridiculous, too soon, and wrong in so many ways he couldn’t even count them; one of them Dean being married.

With a big sigh, he got up from the rocking chair, chasing the thoughts from his mind. It was time to take a hot shower and get dressed; maybe even indulge himself in a jerk off session underneath the spray, before heading to Dean for a week long adventure in babysitting.

\----------

Cas was brutally pulled out of his sleep by the bouncing of the mattress. He let out a groan when his eyes caught the time. 6.30 in the morning. 

Rubbing the last remains of sleep from his eyes, he turned on his back and looked at Claire, who was happily jumping up and down on the bed, the long ears of her fluffy bunny slippers joyfully swinging around with the movements of her feet.

She let herself fall onto her knees, a healthy flush on her cheeks, glistening eyes, and her blonde curls a mess on her little head.

“Good morning,” Cas said, suppressing a yawn behind his hand. “What are you beaming about?”

“My pull-ups are still dry.”Claire shot him a radiant smile and held up her hand,  spreading out all her fingers. “Five whole nights.”

Oh. Right. Dean had told him a while ago that they had started the nighttime potty trainings.

“That’s so awesome,”Cas praised her, exaggerating a bit. “Don’t you have to go now then?”

“I already went.” There was a proud tone in Claire’s voice.

“Very good.” Cas gently poked her in a teasing manner.“You are doing great.” 

Claire pulled up her shoulders and let out a small giggle at the little jabs from Cas’s finger.

“Don’t you wanna go tell your daddy?”

“He’s still asleep.” Claire let her head hang in shame, as if she had done something she wasn’t allowed to do, but did anyway. It made Cas frown in wonder.

“What’s wrong, Claire?”

Claire shrugged. “I’m not s’posed to leave my room before seven o’clock in the morning unless I have to go pee pee or when it’s an emergsie.”

“Emergency.”

“Yes.” Claire tentatively held up her head back up to look at him, guilt written all over her face. “I had to go pee pee, but then I had to go back to my room after, and play, and be quiet until it’s time. I’m sorry.” The look in those baby blue eyes full of remorse was too much for Cas to handle. He immediately melted.

“That’s okay, Claire. But it’s your father’s rule, you have to respect that, okay?”

“Okay.”

“So, not doing it again?”

Claire vigorously shook her head.

“Good girl.” Cas threw off the covers. “Why don’t we go downstairs now and make breakfast?” He stood up. “You wanna piggyback?”

“Yes, yes, yes,” Claire yelled, all excited.

Cas sagged down on the bed to make it easier for Claire to crawl onto his back. She slung her little arms tightly around his neck.

“Are you ready?”

“Yes, horsey. Go.”

Cas got up with a chuckle and galloped through the hall and down the stairs with a laughing Claire on his back.

While making the coffee and scrambling the eggs for breakfast, Cas let his mind wander over Dean’s ‘seven o’clock in the morning’ rule. Claire was probably never up before seven - she hadn’t when he had stayed here the first night, on Halloween - so it made sense to ask her to play quietly until it was time when she did wake up before that.

He decided to let it go and to ask Dean about it later. There were more important things to concentrate on now, like not burning breakfast.

Pouring a glass of milk for Claire and putting some eggs on her plate with a piece of toast beside it, he called to her in the living room. “Claire, breakfast is ready.”

Claire came darting in on her furry white bunny slippers. She slid onto a chair and dug in.

Not five minutes later, Dean appeared in the doorway, scratching his head and looking so goddamn sexy in his pyjama pants and the white t shirt that tightly hugged his chest. 

“Wow, Cas. This is the second time I’ve woken up to the smell of coffee and eggs in the morning.” He went over to Claire and kissed the top of her head with the words ‘morning sweetheart’.

“Morning daddy,” Claire said after swallowing the food in her mouth.

Dean pulled out a chair and sat down. “You really don’t need to do all this, Cas.” He scooped up some eggs.

“Stop saying that, Dean. I love to do this, I already told you that.”

“So you did.” Dean buttered some toast. “You have to be careful not to spoil me though. I could get used to this and might not wanna let you leave when the week is over.”

Cas let out a small chuckle. “What are you gonna do, Dean? Tie me to the bed?”

_ Fuck.  _ That came out wrong. He glanced over at Claire who luckily wasn’t really paying attention to their conversation; not that she would understand the double entendre of what he had just said.

He quickly turned to the stove to prevent Dean from seeing the heat that was slowly making its way to his cheeks.

Because he needed something to do to get his mind off all the images of him tied down to the bed with Dean doing all sorts of dirty things to him, he cracked some more eggs into a bowl. He forcefully beat them with a splash of milk, and poured them into the hot pan, as if they didn’t have enough scrambled eggs already.

“Are you planning to feed an army, Cas?” The teasing tone in Dean’s voice didn’t go unnoticed.

He was spared from answering by Claire, who suddenly seemed to remember something.

“Oh, daddy, guess what?”

“What, sweetheart?”

“My pull ups were dry.”

“Really? That is so great.”

Cas smiled at the father-daughter conversation that was going on behind his back. It gave him some time to compose himself,  and to force his face to take on a more normal complexion while he transferred the eggs from the pan onto a plate.

“Did you hear that nanny Cas? That’s my baby girl.”

Cas took in a deep breath and turned around to put the plate with eggs on in the middle of the table. “Yes. She came to tell me that this morning.” He plopped down on a chair.

“When was that?” Dean took a bite from his toast.

“Ehm, around 6.30.”

Dean stopped chewing and sent Claire a questioning glare, with raised eyebrows. “What are the rules about waking up the people in this house before seven in the morning, Claire? Unless it’s an emergency?”

Claire stared at her plate. “That I shouldn’t do it.”

Cas bit his lip. He wanted to say it was fine, but he knew better than to defy Dean’s authority in front of his daughter.

“Then we won’t do it again, okay?”

“Okay daddy.” Claire put her fork down. “May I watch cartoons?”

“Yes you may.”

Cas watched after her as she ran off. Then he turned to Dean. “What’s with this ‘seven o’clock in the morning rule’?”

Dean sighed. “Claire used to wake us up at the crack of dawn, and by that I mean like five-ish. Anna always got up at six and hated to be woken up an hour early, so I took it upon myself to get up with Claire since she didn’t want to go back to sleep again, and Anna didn’t wanna have her in our bed. After a while it got exhausting. I tried to keep her up an hour later at night, in the hopes she would sleep longer. I even told the daycare to cut down her naps a bit. Nothing worked. Claire herself got pretty grumpy from the lack of getting enough sleep for children her age. When she was old enough to reason with, I taught her how to read the digital clock and to stay in her room or in her bed until the clock turned seven.”

“And it worked?”

“It took a while,” Dean said around a little huff. He ran his fingers through the short strands of his hair. “Eventually she got the drill and now she hardly wakes up before seven. The rule still stands though, should she wake up earlier. Of course she is allowed to go to the bathroom, but she has to go straight back to her room after that.”

Cas nodded in understanding. Some parents allowed their kids to sleep with them or to crawl into bed with them in the middle of the night. Dean wouldn’t mind it, he knew that, but Anna clearly didn’t like it. God, the more he learned about the kind of woman Anna really was, the more he started to resent her, and he never even met her.

“I don’t mind that she wakes me up earlier, Dean.”

“I know that. And frankly, I don’t mind either, but if I allow it now, she will soon think she can get away with everything and start pushing her boundaries. Before I know it, she will crawl into bed with me in the middle of the night and then I have a big problem when Anna comes home.” He pushed his chair back and got up. “And we don’t wanna upset Anna, now do we.” The sarcasm was dripping from his words.

“Anyway,” he went on, changing the subject. “Thanks for breakfast, Cas. I really appreciate it.” He glanced at the clock. “Time to hit the shower.”

Cas sighed deeply as he started to clean up the remains of the morning meal. He felt sorry for Dean. He was such an amazing guy and a great dad. Why didn’t his wife see that? Cas would give anything to have a man like him.

\----------

Watching Claire was a joy. Cas loved every minute he spent with the little girl, and the feeling was mutual, that much was obvious. He involved her in simple house chores, played educational games with her, and they baked something new every day. On Monday, it was cookies, on Tuesday, it was cupcakes, and they were just finishing decorating the gingerbread men on Wednesday when the first snow started to fall.

“Oooh nanny Cas, look.” Claire pointed to the window all excited. She turned to him with a pleading face. “Can we go outside? Please?”

“Sure,” Cas said with a smile, not able to deny her some fun in the snow. “Go wash your hands. I’ll clean up here and then we can go.”

“Yippieeee.” Claire ran off.

Cas had a hard time keeping himself from laughing. The main reason Claire wanted to go outside was probably her brand new outerwear she had gotten from Dean last week. She had proudly showed it to him, and what do you know, the snow boots, the lilac puffer coat with metallic sparkles and even the matching beanie and mittens set were all from ‘Frozen’. Add to that a pair of pajamas, the cover on her bed and the dress she wore last Halloween, and you knew Claire was going through some serious ‘Frozen’ phase.

An idea started to form in Cas’s head; a surprise for Claire in the form of a Christmas present. He only hoped he could pull it off in time, but the look on Claire’s face if he did would be worth all the effort.

\----------

The snow was coming down pretty hard. The flakes always reminded Cas of big cotton balls that came falling from the sky.

It was a ten minute walk to the park. By the time they got there, everything was covered in a thick blanket of virgin white snow. It was like they had entered a magical winter wonderland.

Claire had a blast running around, kicking up the snow and making the occasional snow angel. She managed to sneak up behind Cas and planted a snowball on his back.

Cas whirled around and Claire ran away, giggling and screaming as he ran after her. He grabbed her, lost his balance and they both fell in the snow.

After an hour, Cas noticed Claire’s lips were slightly turning blue despite the fact she was bundled up pretty well. It was a sign they had to head back. 

Cas was glad he could trade the freezing cold for the comfortable warmth of Dean’s house. He lent Claire a helping hand changing into some dry, warm clothes, and once she was settled at the kitchen table with a mug of hot chocolate, he ran upstairs to change into some dry clothes himself, before starting dinner. Dean would be home soon.

He took in a startled breath, surprised at his thoughts and what the hell he was doing. He was treading into some very dangerous territory here. Thinking of Dean and Claire in terms of his own little family was inappropriate. Sure, Dean had called him a part of his family, but he wasn’t his boyfriend, nor his husband, and Claire wasn’t his child no matter how much he wanted those things to be different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates might be slower from now on. Sorry about that.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments. You guys are awesome.
> 
> I'm fighting a serious sinus infection here, so, things are not so great atm.

 

DEAN

 

Getting home was a bitch due to the unexpected snowfall. Dean left the office thirty minutes earlier, and it was still half an hour later than usual when he finally pulled up on his driveway that had been cleared of snow.

He smiled. Cas did that. It was on days like this that he appreciated him even more than he already had. Knowing that Claire was safe and well taken care of, was one less thing to worry about. That, and the delicious smelling home cooked meal he came home to every evening, made him count the blessing that was Cas. He couldn’t even imagine his life without him anymore.

“ _ Okay, Winchester, stop thinking like that _ ,” he silently scolded himself as he maneuvered the car into the garage because of the bad weather outside, and got out. 

“ _ Why _ ?” a little voice in the back of his head asked in a teasing manner. “ _ There is nothing wrong with recognizing the full worth of Claire’s nanny. _ ”

Hmm, true enough.

“ _ Especially when he’s between your legs pounding into you _ ,  _ or vice versa _ .”

Dean gasped.“Shut the fuck up,” he loudly silenced that annoying little voice that wouldn’t leave him alone.

“Who are you talking to?”

Dean jumped and whipped around to Cas, who was looking at him with that adorable head tilt of his accompanied by a cute frown between the brows. He had been so preoccupied by his own thoughts he didn’t hear or see him entering the garage.

“Cas,” he breathed. “You trying to give me a heart attack?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you. I just came to get some milk.” He walked over to the shelves where all the canned food and the drinks were stored, and took two cartons.

Dean wetted his lips as he let his eyes glide over Cas’s back, paying special attention to the guy’s ass.  _ Damn, that ass _ .

He shook out of his reverie when Cas turned around and hit him with that intense stare, the one that always made his breath hitch. It was so magnetic he had the hardest time tearing his gaze away from it.

Cas moved first. He slowly took a few steps forward and came to a stand still right in front of him with no sense of personal space.

Dean’s lips involuntarily parted, and his eyes were automatically drawn to Cas’s mouth. He felt Cas’s warm breath grazing his face as he said “Let’s go back inside.” 

As Cas brushed past him, their arms lightly touched. A bolt of lightning shot through Dean’s veins straight to his dick, which perked up with interest.  _ Shit _ .

It took him a few seconds to come out of whatever that was. What the hell just happened? He shouldn’t have these urges, these desires. In his fantasies, yes, maybe, but not in real life, what the fuck? He had dealt with it; he had come to terms with his guilty pleasure of coming to the image of a pair of blue eyes, it should be enough. Yet it clearly wasn’t, because here he was, popping spontaneous boners in the presence of the guy.

Entering the kitchen, he was instantly welcomed by an enthusiastic Claire as always, and, again, the awesome smell of food.

He quickly planted a kiss on the top of his daughter's head before running upstairs to take a shower and change, and to take care of his hard on.

In the past few days that Cas had been here day and night, he had managed pretty well at telling his cock to keep it down, except that one time on Monday morning when Cas had dropped the line ‘What are you going to do Dean? Tie me to the bed?’ The images that remark had conjured up were so dirty, it made him even harder just thinking about it. 

Jerking off during the shower, he imagined everything he would do to Cas if he had him completely at his mercy. He was going to drive him to the edge over and over and over again until he begged for release, and he wasn’t going to give it to him…

Dean came hard, his long moan muffled by the clatter of the water against the walls.

With his forehead resting against the white, wet tiles of the stall, he took a moment to spiral back down from his high. He didn’t feel guilty, not anymore. This was his secret. He was allowed to have at least one, right? And it’s not like he was hurting anybody with it.

The realisation that masturbating to Cas’s image was a very bad idea hit him when he sat down at the kitchen table, with the guy right across from him. He could barely look him in the eyes. Damn it. He shouldn’t have done what he did, or waited until he was in his bed later tonight.

Cas didn’t seem to notice his embarrassment, or, if he did, he didn’t show it. He just tried to make casual conversation about trivial things, and for that, Dean was grateful.

Something was brewing underneath the surface of their friendly talk though. There was a whole lot of sexual tension going on. Dean could feel it in his frigging bones. Cas often caught his eyes and held his gaze with a piercing look. If he kept this up, Dean wouldn’t be responsible for his actions anymore. 

Cas however, never drove it too far. He always backed off when Dean was on the verge of losing it; like he sensed it when things got too heated. 

Claire also helped in preventing Dean from dragging Cas to the bedroom and doing things he would most certainly regret in the morning. He was glad when it was Claire’s bath time as part of the nightly routine before putting her to bed. It gave him the necessary distraction he so desperately needed to keep his hormones under control.

When Claire was tucked in, Dean came back downstairs and tidied up the living room of all the toys that were scattered around, while Cas was cleaning up the kitchen. Afterwards, they both plopped down on the couch with a bottle of beer, each pressed in their own corner on either side of it, quietly listening to the crackling of the fireplace and other faint sounds that marked the end of the day.

“Dean, may I ask something?” Cas said, breaking the lingering silence between them.

Dean waved with his bottle. “Sure, Cas, go ahead.”

“Would it be ok if I make my Thanksgiving special casserole to take with us to Sam’s tomorrow? Like a thank you gift?”

Dean frowned. “I can’t see why not.” He took a swig. “He and Eileen would love it. Do you have all the ingredients here?”

“Yes. I checked.”

Dean formed a smile. “Then by all means. Do it.” This was actually a good idea. In the past couple of months, Dean had told his brother what a wonderful nanny Cas was, and how he was also an excellent cook. Tomorrow they could see that, and now also ‘taste’ that for themselves. 

“Are you nervous, Cas?”

Cas blinked in confusion. “About the casserole?”

“No, genius.” Dean rolled his eyes. “About meeting my brother.”

“Oh. Ehm...yes, I am.”

“Well, don’t be.” Dean got up with a groan. “They’re wonderful people.” He padded to the kitchen to take two more beers from the fridge. After pulling off the lids, he took them back to the living area, and placed one in front of Cas on the coffee table.

“There are a few things you need to know though.” He plopped back down in his corner of the sofa.

“Oh? Like what?”

“Like Eileen is deaf.”

A tinge of sorrow glided over Cas’s face. “That’s...unfortunate.”

“Yeah.” Dean huffed a sad little laugh. “Unfortunate is actually a good word to describe it. You see, she wasn’t born that way.”

Cas drew his brows together. “What caused it?”

“A severe and long-lasting ear infection when she was a child. It took them some time to figure out what was wrong, and by then it was too late. It’s pretty sad, really.”

Cas nodded. “It’s one of the causes of permanent hearing loss, yes. At least her condition is not genetic by the sounds of it, so they don’t have to worry that any future children will be born deaf.”

“Yeah,” Dean said again. “Her parents have been beating themselves up for a long while about not catching it in time. Eileen is well adjusted though. She can read lips, is a master in sign language, and speaks very well.” He sighed deeply. “Anyway, I thought you should know that so you wouldn’t be caught off guard tomorrow. Not that you would mind, it’s just…”

“It’s okay, Dean. I understand what you mean.” Cas took a sip. Dean watched mesmerised as his mouth wrapped itself around the neck of the bottle; how the beer left his lips glistening in the soft light of the sphere lamp behind him.  _ Fuck _ . How was it even possible that a simple act like taking a swig from a bottle of beer could be this seductive? 

“You said there were a  _ few _ things I needed to know. What are the other ones?” Cas asked, snapping Dean out of his hypnotized state. He tore his gaze away from Cas’s mouth and looked into a pair of captivating blue eyes.  _ Shit, wrong move _ . 

“I’m eh...it’s…,” Dean stuttered, trying hard to find the right words. His entire vocabulary seemed to have disappeared into oblivion for a second. 

He took in a calming breath, while figuring out how he was going to say they were not the only people who were invited to Sam’s for Thanksgiving. Truth is, he had been wrecking his brain about it ever since he asked Cas to join him. The only reason he waited this long was that he was afraid Cas might back out of it, and he really, really wanted him to come.

For a short while, he had thought about not telling him at all, but that wouldn’t be fair. Cas had the right to know, even it it meant that Cas was going to change his mind. He wouldn’t blame him if he did because, let’s be honest here, meeting Sam was one thing, meeting a bunch of other strangers…

“Sam eh... invited a few more people…”

A little shy and also a tiny bit embarrassed because he had kept this from Cas, he plucked at the label of his beer bottle, not able to look straight at him.

“What are you saying, Dean? That it’s not just going to be you, me, Claire and your brother and his wife?”

“That’s...yeah, that’s what I’m saying.” He tentatively looked up. There were not many emotions written on Cas’s face; none really. The guy just regarded him with a deadpan expression. Well, at least it was better than him being angry for springing this news on him last minute.

“Look, man, I’m sorry, okay?,” Dean went on when Cas stayed silent, and just kept staring.

“Who?” Cas finally spoke. “Who else is gonna be there?” Unlike the stoic look on his face, his voice was wavering with irritation.

“Bobby and his wife Ellen, for starters,” Dean replied around a deep sigh. “Bobby was my dad’s best friend and mine and my brother’s godfather. Ellen’s daughter Jo and her girlfriend Charlie. Charlie is my secretary by the way, and the main reason that you and I know each other, and...and that’s it.” He spread out his arms, beer bottle in one hand. “Look, they know you’re coming, and they are looking forward to meeting the man who managed to steal a piece of my daughter’s heart.”

“That may be so, Dean. But what about me? What about how  _ I _ feel meeting six new people all at once?”

Dean blinked. Cas was right. He was so excited about introducing Claire’s nanny to his family that he didn’t even consider how said nanny felt about it. How could he have been so insensitive? You didn’t need to have social anxiety to be apprehensive about being thrown into a crowd you don’t know for Jack squat.

“They’re good people Cas,” he said, trying to take some of Cas’s nervousness away. “But you’re right. I should have told you sooner.”

“Yes, you should have. I don’t like being ambushed like this.” Cas stood up and went to the kitchen. He opened the fridge to take out a small bottle of water.

Dean darted after him. “I still hope you will come, although I will totally understand if you don’t want to anymore. I messed up, and I _ am _ sorry.”

Cas unscrewed the bottle. Leaning against the counter, he took a huge gulp. And then another one. “It’s fine because, at the end of the day, when everything is said and done, you are my boss and I basically have to do as you say.”

Dean gasped for air.  _ Now wait just a minute _ . He pointed a finger at him. “I’m not your  _ boss _ , Cas.” Meanwhile, he was hit by flashes of bossing Cas around in the bedroom. He quickly pushed them back to where the fuck ever they came from. “At least, that’s not how I see it,” he continued.

“Oh no?” Cas narrowed his eyes at him. “Then how  _ do _ you see it, Dean?”

“The way it is. The recruitment agency is your employer. I pay  _ them _ and  _ they _ are responsible for your paycheck at the end of the month after all the deductions. I get a detailed description of it, which reminds me,” he folded his arms over his chest. “Why didn’t you put in the Saturday that you watched Claire for me?”

Cas shrugged. “For the same reason I won’t put in the hours I worked longer on Halloween, or all the hours apart from my regular hours for you, which are from two thirty until seven thirty, including this week and including Thanksgiving or every other holiday you want me here for Claire. You do know they charge you double for those days, don’t you?”

“I’m…” Dean was at a loss for words. 

“I love watching Claire,” Cas continued. “I would do it for free.” He took another gulp, and screwed the bottle back closed. “And yes, I will still go to your brother’s with you. I promised Claire I would come, and I don’t want to disappoint her.”

Dean still didn’t know quite what to say. He couldn’t believe this shit. But, then again, this was Cas. Wonderful, amazing, selfless,  _ gorgeous _ Cas. He didn’t expect anything else from him.

“Thanks, Cas,” he finally managed to force out with a nod of his head.

“No problem.” Cas glanced at the clock. “But it’s late. I’m going to bed.” He chuckled. “It’s a big day tomorrow.” 

“Yeah.”Dean absentmindedly rubbed his forehead. “Yes, of course. Night, Cas.”

“Good night, Dean.”

With his mouth slightly hanging open, Dean watched after him as he walked out of the kitchen. For one fleeting moment, he wanted to stop him, but then he remembered that he was married. Anna was still in the picture, and no matter how much they had grown apart over the years, she was still Claire’s mom and he was still her husband. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some Thanksgiving fluff at Sam's

 

CAS

 

Cas spent all afternoon preparing his special Thanksgiving casserole he had promised to make.

It was a strange day. This morning he had totally overslept, and when he went down and entered the kitchen, he was met by a beaming Claire, a grinning Dean, and the mouthwatering smell of oven baked goods.

The kitchen table was covered with fresh croissants, waffles, and crispy buns that had almost screamed at him to devour them.

This was such a nice thing for Dean and Claire to do it had brought tears to his eyes. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had made  _ him _ breakfast for a change, and you can be sure that he enjoyed it to the very last crumb. 

\----------

They left for Sam’s at five, and were the first to arrive half an hour later. 

“You guys are early,” Sam greeted them at the door with a smile from ear to ear. “Heeey, how is my favorite niece?” He picked Claire up and put her on his arm while he let them in.

“I didn’t wanna throw Cas here into a crowd he doesn’t know,” Dean explained with a little laugh, wiping his wet boots dry on the doormat. “It’s better to ease him into it. You know they can be a bit overwhelming.”

Sam chuckled. “Yes, they can.” He turned his attention to Cas. “Welcome. And don’t let what my brother said scare you. They’re good people.” He nodded at the casserole in Cas’s hands. “I believe that’s for the kitchen?”

“Ehm...yes. It’s my Thanksgiving stew. I make it every year. It’s a…‘thank you for inviting me’ gift.”

Sam’s smile broadened. “Thanks, man. I really appreciate it. And I’m sure Eileen will too.”

“I helped,” Claire said, who was still balancing on Sam’s arm, with Dean pulling off her shoes and replacing them with her slippers.

“I’m sure you did.” Sam put Claire back on her feet. “Go say hi to aunt Eileen.” He took the casserole from Cas. “Sit down, guys. You want something to drink?”

“I’ll get it,” Dean offered. “What do you want, Cas? Beer, soda, wine, anything else?”

“Water for now, thanks Dean.”

Dean raised a surprised eyebrow. “Okay. Water coming right up.” 

Cas felt awkward. He never felt entirely at ease when it came to meeting people for the first time. This was so different from when he had met Dean. There had been an instant connection, like he had known him his whole life and they just had to be reacquainted again. 

He looked up when Dean entered the living room with a beautiful dark haired woman trailing behind him.  _ Eileen _ . He jumped up.

“Welcome, Mr. Novak. Nice to meet you,” she said with a smile, reaching out her hand. “Dean speaks very highly of you.”

Heat rose to Cas’s face. He shook her hand, that was soft and completely disappeared in his, while forcing a smile on his own lips and doing his best not to look like a deer caught in the headlights. She seemed nice though, and so did Sam for that matter.

He sank back down to the edge of his seat when she left again, completely stiff and uncomfortable, with his stomach in all kinds of complicated knots.

“Cas, relax, it’ll be fine,” Dean tried to reassure him.

“Easy for you to say,” Cas mumbled. He took a sip from his glass of water, and tensed up a little more, if that was even possible, when the doorbell rang. God, he  _ hated _ meeting new people. 

Cas soon found out it wasn’t as bad as he had feared. These people were everything Dean had told him they would be.

Charlie’s cheerful nature had pulled him into an unexpected hug, Ellen’s firm but honest handshake had told him you wouldn’t want to be on her bad side, but behind her tough exterior, there was a heart of gold, and Bobby was a bit rough around the edges, but also he had a soft side to himself.

Jo was a bit harder to read. Cas felt there was more to this young woman than met the eye. Dean had told him she had a crush on him at one point in the past, but he never pursued it. He viewed her more like a little sister than anything else and when he did, however briefly, show  _ some  _ interest,  _ she _ had turned _ him _ down.

Half an hour later, the living room was filled with laughter and animated conversations. They didn’t bombard Cas with a million questions like he was afraid they would, and they didn’t judge him for being a ‘male’ nanny. Of course they were a tiny bit curious about who he really was, but it was all casual and in a friendly manner. It was not like they tried to get him to spill earth shattering secrets. By the time Sam and Eileen announced that dinner was ready, all the tension had seeped from his body, and the knot in his stomach wasn’t so tight anymore.

A big stuffed turkey was placed at the head of the table, with Sam cutting it into pieces. It tasted so freaking good, it was to die for. Cas needed to get his hands on the recipe because, wow. He complimented Eileen on it.

“Your casserole isn’t bad either, Castiel,” she said. “It’s delicious.”

“Thank you.”

Ellen’s head jerked up. “You made this?” she asked, pointing her fork at her plate filled with his stew.

“Ehm, yes ma’am.” A shy blush crept onto his cheeks. He wasn’t someone to brag about anything. If Eileen hadn’t mentioned he had made the casserole, he wouldn’t have told anyone.

Ellen’s eyebrows raised. “That’s pretty amazing.” She turned to Dean. “Now I know why you’re so taken with him. That boy can cook.” She dug back in, as if she wanted to emphasize her words.

Dean chuckled. “That he can.” He shot Cas such a radiant smile it almost blinded him. It kicked a few butterflies residing in his belly to life.

“It sure explains the paunch you have going on Dean,” Jo teased.

Dean glared daggers at her. “Are you calling me fat?”

“I didn’t say that.” She pierced a roast potato on her fork and studied it as if it was the most fascinating thing she had ever seen. “I’m just saying you gained some weight, that’s all.”

“And that’s your problem how exactly?” Dean narrowed his eyes at her, daring her to elaborate.

“Can you two idjits stop bickering,” Bobby grumbled, saving Jo from answering. “It was about time someone put some meat on that boy’s bones.”

Ellen raised her wine glass. “Hear hear.” She took a sip.

“Who’s fat?” Claire asked all innocent like. She was placed between Cas and Dean, which Cas figured was just as well. Sitting right next to Dean, where knees could accidentally bump underneath the table or arms could casually brush against each other, would put too much strain on his nervous system. He had a hard time keeping his feelings for the guy hidden as it was already, without adding that to the equation.

“No one’s fat, sweetheart.” Dean scraped the leftover food on her plate together and scooped it up. “Open mouth.”

Claire pressed her lips tightly together and shook her head.

“Come on, Claire. It’s just one more bite.”

Again, Claire forcefully shook her head. “I don’t wanna be fat.”

Everyone burst out laughing.

Dean rolled his eyes. “See now what you did, Jo?”

Cas formed a fond smile on his lips and leaned towards Claire, like he was going to tell her a secret. “You know, I bet there is some dessert coming.”

Claire’s eyes widened. “Really?”

“Yes, really. But you have to finish your plate first so we can clean up and make room on the table for it.”

Claire seemed to think about it. Then she slowly opened her mouth and let Dean feed her that last bite.

She beamed when she received exaggerated praise over it from all the rest, telling her what a good girl she was.

Eileen started to collect the dirty dishes, and Cas pushed his chair back to help her. Soon everyone was engaged doing their share in cleaning up.

When the dishwasher was running steadily, the leftovers were put in containers and the bigger pots and pans were all clean, Eileen brought out the sweet treats. There was apple crumble, pumpkin pie, and banana pudding; Claire’s favorite.

In the middle of everyone enjoying the dessert of their choice, and some, especially Dean, going for seconds and even thirds, Sam stood up, asking for everyone’s attention.

He looked at his wife beside him, and Eileen glanced up at him with so much love and adoration in her eyes it almost made Cas jealous. What wouldn’t he give to have someone looking at him like that.

“We have an announcement to make.” A nervous laugh escaped Sam’s lips. He looked at Eileen again, and without taking his eyes off her he said  “We’re pregnant.”

There was a beat of silence, as if the words spoken by Sam had to be processed in everyone’s mind first. Then suddenly they all started to talk at once, all excited. It was a moment of chaos in which hugs were exchanged and congratulations were said.

Claire looked puzzled. “What’s going on?”

“Uncle Sam and aunt Eileen are going to have a baby,” Dean explained with a proud glint in his eyes.

Slowly, understanding dawned on Claire’s face. “Ooooohhhh.” She turned to Dean. “I wanna hug aunt Eileen too.”

Dean helped her from the chair. She ran over to Eileen and flung herself into her arms. Then she took Eileen’s head into her little hands. “There is a baby in your belly,” she said, so slow, to make sure Eileen could read her lips.

“Yes,” Eileen replied making the sign language for the word. She then signed while saying “I love you, Claire.”

Claire mimicked her. “I love you too.”

Cas watched them while swallowing around a few emotions stuck in his throat. It was so fucking adorable to see. Claire was taught so well when it came to addressing Eileen. She knew that Eileen had to look at her when she spoke to her, and she seemed eager to learn how to sign. He knew Dean had to take credit for that. Anna probably never bothered.

\----------

After dessert, and when everything was cleaned up for the second time, they all gathered in the living room. Soon Cas found himself with a lap full of Claire on the couch, who fell asleep with her head against his chest.

Charlie nudged Jo’s arm. “Look how sweet.” She nodded her head at them.

“I think I’m gonna hire Cas as a nanny too,” Sam joked. He was hanging in the armchair, with Eileen sitting on the carpet between his legs.

“Oh no, Sammy.” Dean shook his head. “Get your own. Cas is spoken for.”

“Don’t you think it’s for Cas to decide if he wants to take on a second child to care for, Dean?” Jo said. She casually took a sip of her orange juice.

“I, eh…” Dean looked from Cas to Jo and back. A cute red color was slowly covering his cheeks, making his freckles seem more prominent. He huffed a laugh. “Yeah...of course, it’s ehm, really up to you, Cas.”

Cas wasn’t sure his face was free of some redness itself. He had felt it warming up to Dean’s uninhibited remark ‘Cas is spoken for’. Could it be that there was so much more meaning behind those words? Or was he seeing things that weren’t there. He was sure of one thing: Dean was acting all possessive.

“I think I’ll stick to just Claire for now,” he said. He turned to Sam and made sure Eileen was able to read his lips. “But if you two want some alone time once the baby is born, I will be glad to babysit from time to time.”

“Hey,” Charlie interrupted, quasi offended. She waved a hand between her and Jo. “I thought that was our job.”

“And I was under the impression it was mine,” Ellen chimed in. She patted Bobby’s leg. “And his.”

Bobby, who could hardly keep his eyes open and was well on his way to dozing off, jolted awake.

“Damn, woman. You trynna kill me?” he groaned, all grumpy like.

Eileen looked up at her husband. “I think we have enough volunteers to watch the baby when we want some time for ourselves.”

“Seems like it.” Sam formed a smile. “Until we ask them and then they’re all busy all of a sudden.”

Jo reached over to the coffee table, and took a handful of peanuts from the bowl. “Don’t count on it. I’m looking forward to watching the baby.”

“She really is pretty fond of you, isn’t she,” Ellen changed the subject, nodding at Claire in Cas’s lap.

Cas looked down at Claire. “The feeling is mutual.” He wiped a stray curl from her flushed face. “I’m pretty fond of her myself.”

“Yeah, I can see that.” She frowned. “Isn’t it hard to leave the kids behind when the family don’t need your services anymore?”

Cas shrugged. “I only worked for one family before this. I watched three kids for fifteen years. I practically saw them growing up from the children they were when I started to work there, to the wonderful adolescents they are today.” A sigh came over his lips. “It was....difficult when they moved away, but it was my own decision not to go with them when they asked.”

“And I’m glad you didn’t,” Dean said. “Otherwise I wouldn’t have met you and man, you are a godsend.”

“They would have sent someone else, Dean, Cas cleverly countered. “Someone who I’m sure would have been just as good for Claire.”

“That may be so, but now that I have you, I don’t want anyone else,” Dean argued with a firm shake of his head. “And I’m sure Claire would agree with me.”

Cas took in a silent breath. What the hell was Dean doing? Did he forget he was surrounded by family and friends who could hear everything he said? Or was Cas just imagining all the innuendos hidden in those carefully spoken words? 

He watched as Dean’s eyes flicked to his lips, and then back up again to meet his eyes. The tension that was building up between them was uncomfortable because of all the witnesses in the room.

It was Charlie who relieved some of it by clearing her throat. “So, Jo and I are planning to go to the Thanksgiving Winter Carnival tomorrow. Who wants to hang out with us?”

“Not us probably,” Ellen said. “I doubt I’m gonna get grumpy bear here out of the house two days in a row.”

Charlie turned to Dean. “What about you? It’ll be fun for Claire. There is a Winter Wonderland with an ice skating rink. And Cas can come too of course.”

“Yeah, sure.” Dean looked at Cas. “What do you say? You wanna come?”

“Sounds like fun, yes,” Cas replied. Why would he decline? It was the perfect excuse to spend an additional day, and night, at Dean’s. Since Dean had taken the day off tomorrow, Cas would go home, but now it seems like he had just bought another day.

Damn. He was walking a very dangerous road here. 

While he had loved the Morrisons’ kids to pieces, he had always managed to keep some distance, never forgetting they weren’t his children. In return, the kids saw him like a cool uncle, a friend and a confidante. They came to him whenever there was something they couldn’t talk to their parents about. He had gained their trust and he never betrayed it.

With Claire, it was different. He didn’t think he could love a child of his own more than he loved the little girl that was sound asleep against his chest.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more Thanksgiving fun. I hope you guys enjoy it.

 

DEAN

 

This Thanksgiving had been the best since...forever. Dean had truly enjoyed himself.

His friends and family had warmly welcomed Cas into their midst, and when they saw how good he was with Claire, that was it for them. They would let him get away with murder and even offer him to help bury the body, in a figure of speech. Dean thought it was amazing.

He turned his head to glance at the clock on his nightstand. 9 AM. The sigh that left his lips while running both hands over his face, was one of regret. Yesterday morning he had set his alarm to make breakfast for Cas. The guy deserved it. He wanted to do it again today, but judging by the time, Cas had probably beaten him to it.

His instincts were dead on. As soon as he left his bedroom, he smelled the faint scent of coffee and pancakes. He closed the door and then froze in place when he saw Cas coming from downstairs and entering the hallway, while pulling his shirt over his head.

All his thoughts came to a screeching halt. His mouth fell open and he licked his bottom lip as he watched Cas, unaware he wasn’t alone, uncovering the upper part of his toned body.

Dean had seen his fair share of well built men in his life, but Cas took the cake. He always had to leave it up to his imagination as to what was hidden underneath the fabric of his shirts, but damn, the reality was so much better than whatever his mind could come up with. He was beautifully tanned, with broad shoulders and a well trained chest, but without it all being too muscular. He didn’t have a six pack, but his flat belly betrayed he worked out regularly and kept in shape without overdoing it. He had always found Cas a good looking man, but this...double damn.

_ Breathe, Winchester. _

Dean continued to take in Cas’s disheveled appearance. It was impossible to tear his gaze away from the guy standing a few feet in front of him. His unruly dark hair, a mess on his head, stuck out in all different directions. He was the epitome of tall, dark and handsome, just the way Dean liked them.

Cas stopped dead in his tracks when his eyes landed upon Dean. They grew wide, and then they wandered down to the shirt in his hands. “I...ehm...Claire spilled a glass of milk over me,” he stammered. “I...need to change.” Without looking up, he hurried on and disappeared into the guest bedroom.

Dean blinked. This encounter had been so fast that he had a hard time processing if it actually happened, or if he had made the whole thing up. Did he really just run into a half naked Cas? He had to admit, the guy was stunning. If what was in his pants was equally tasteful… He almost choked on his own saliva at the thought.

Trying his hardest to chase away the strange confrontation from his mind and into forgetfulness, Dean darted down the stairs

“Morning sweetheart,” he greeted his daughter when he entered the kitchen. She was sitting at the table, feasting on the pancakes with what looked like a lot of syrup. “I heard you spilled some milk?” He poured himself a big cup of coffee.

“I assedently knocked over my glass.”

“Accidently,” Dean pronounced the word correctly for her. “That’s okay. Accidents happen.” He pulled out a chair and sat down. “I hope you apologized though.”

“Yes, I did.”

Dean took a sip and almost burned his upper lip. That coffee was scorching hot.

_ Just like Cas. _

Okay, he  _ really _ needed to stop that, but how the hell he was going to do that, when the image of Cas half naked was seared into his brain, was a mystery.

The rest of the morning went by in some sort of a haze. Dean tried to pretend that what happened in the hallway upstairs didn’t happen at all.

He knew he was being ridiculous. He acted as if he had never seen a half naked man before. You only had to go to the pool, or to the beach in the summer, to see a bunch of them. It’s not like those men went swimming with their clothes on.

Okay, yeah, true enough, but that was different. He never fantasized about them the way he did with Cas. He sure had a more accurate picture now, to conjure up during his next jerk-off session.

The initial and very awkward tension slowly lessened, and was fully gone by the time they arrived at the Winter Wonderland where they met up with Charlie and Jo after lunch, at the entrance of the ice skating rink.

\----------

To say Claire enjoyed her time on the ice was an understatement. Since it was her very first time, they had rented double blade ice skates for her. They provided the balance and security she needed to feel comfortable on the slippery surface. After only fifteen minutes of skating in between Dean and Cas, holding onto their hands, she let go and went off on her own.

About half an hour later, Jo and Cas went to get some drinks for all of them, which they could consume at the tables that were set up all around the outside of the rink.

“He’s dreamy,” Charlie said as she watched after them.

Dean frowned. “Who? You mean Cas?”

“Yes.” Charlie turned to him as they kept on skating side by side. “What’s the deal between you two?”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“Oh, come on.” Charlie bumped his arm with hers. “Since he came to work for you, you’ve been more alive and happier than I’ve seen you in a long time.”

Dean shrugged. “It’s no secret that I like him. He’s a great help.”

“Yeah, hmmmm, it’s more than that.” A thoughtful line appeared between her brows. “He’s gay, you know.”

Dean let out a sigh. “Yes, I know that, Charlie. So?”

“So, you’re bi.”

“So, I’m married,” Dean deadpanned, never taking his eyes from Claire, who was having the time of her life with another kid her age.

Charlie huffed out a laugh. “You call that trainwreck you’re in a marriage?”

“Charlie!”

“Well, it’s true. I have watched Cas with Claire. He’s a better mom than Anna is or ever will be. You can’t deny that.”

Dean closed his eyes. No, he couldn’t deny that.

“And then I haven’t even talked about the heart eyes you throw at him or the fact that he looks at you like you hung the moon and the stars,” Charlie continued.

Dean stopped skating. He narrowed his eyes at her. “What the hell do you mean?” He knew very well what she meant though. But damn, was he that obvious? And did Cas really look at him like that?

“Don’t play dumb with me, Dean. Something is going on between the two of you.”

“You’re wrong, Charlie. There’s nothing going on.”

“Maybe nothing  _ happened _ ...yet. But there is definitely something going on.”

Dean rolled his eyes. It was clear he couldn’t fool Charlie. She was way too perceptive. He opened his mouth to say something but snapped it closed when he saw Jo coming up to them.

“The drinks have arrived,” she announced, pointing a thumb over her shoulder.

“I’ll get Claire.” Dean skated off to pick up his daughter, relieved his conversation with Charlie was over. 

\----------

The hot chocolate they had wasn’t bad, but was way overpriced. Dean had tasted better for half the cost.

The usual small talk was made among friends, until Claire suddenly interrupted them, almost yelling: “Ooohhh, look.”

They all turned their attention to what made her so excited. A young girl, no more than fourteen, Dean guessed, was spinning, turning and jumping on the ice in an elegant manner. She was clearly showing off her skills.

“I wanna do that.”

“You wanna learn how to figure skate?” Charlie asked.

“Yes.” Claire looked at Dean with big pleading eyes. “Can I daddy? Please?”

Dean chuckled. “Last week you told me you want to take ballet classes.”

“That too.”

“You’re gonna be a busy girl,” Jo stated.

Claire nodded vigorously. “Yes.”

“You wanna have a closer look?” she asked then, nodding her head at the girl on the ice.

“Yes!” Claire jumped from her chair and took Jo’s hand, who escorted her to the edge of the rink.

Meanwhile, Charlie had pulled out her phone. She was scrolling through something, her eyes squinting in concentration.

“It says here that the right age to start figure skating lessons is five or six.”

“Mmmm. Makes sense,” Cas said. “By that age they have the balance and coordination needed to master those skills.” He took a sip. Some of the cream the hot chocolate was topped off with, got stuck on his upper lip.

Dean’s breath hitched. Without a second thought, and as if it was the most normal thing in the world to do, he reached out his hand. With his thumb, he brushed away the cream from Cas’s lip, and then put the thumb in his mouth to lick it off.

The sweet taste on his tongue shook him out of what the hell he was doing. It was like coming out of a dream.

“I...eh...you had something stuck there,” he made the effort to clarify his actions, motioning to his own mouth. He quickly looked away from Cas’s dumbstruck face, to Charlie, who had a gleeful smirk playing on her lips.  _ Shit _ . She had totally seen it.

“Does it say where she can take the lessons?” he asked, surprised he and Cas didn’t just cause a massive power failure, with how high the tension was that was pulsing between them.

“I’m on the website of the local ice skating rink. She can take lessons there from the age of five, like I told you. In the meantime, you can prepare her by taking her skating regularly, and you have to start as soon as possible with single blade skates if you’re serious about it.” She pocketed her phone. “They advise you to pay them a visit if you want more info.”

Dean ran a hand over his face. “Looks like I know what to do every weekend from here on out,” he joked.

“And I can always take her ice skating once or twice a week after school,” Cas offered.

Dean nodded. “Thanks, Cas.”

“Anytime, Dean.”

Again, their eyes met like they had so many frigging times Dean had lost count, and again the tension between them rose to unmeasurable heights. Dean wondered how long it was going to take him to finally snap underneath it.

\----------

After finishing their hot chocolate, they continued skating for about half an hour, until Sam and Eileen waved at them from the side of the rink. They had decided to skip the skating part, but wanted to meet up afterwards. Eileen wasn’t a good skater, and after trying for so long to conceive, with so many disappointments, she didn’t want to take any chance with the baby now that she was finally pregnant. 

It surprised Dean that his brother hadn’t wrapped everything up in bubble wrap already, including Eileen herself. He understood though. He had seen first hand the frustration in their eyes when yet another pregnancy test had shown negative. 

\----------

The Winter Wonderland they strolled through was exactly what the words described it as: a winter wonderland. It was like something out of a fairy tale, and with the freshly fallen snow they had this morning, it was even more magical.

Claire enjoyed the hell out of it, especially when they reached the carousel. 

“Ooohhh,” she breathed out, her eyes wide with admiration over the colorful lights and the enchanting music. She looked up at Dean. “May I ride a horsey, daddy?”

“It’s what we’re here for, pumpkin.”

“Two rides?”

Dean squinted at her. “Don’t push your luck, young lady.”

“Please, daddy? One with you and one with nanny Cas.”

A sigh left Dean’s mouth. It was so hard to resist Claire’s adorable pleading face. He looked at Cas, who just shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t mind.”

Dean rolled his eyes. Of course Cas didn’t mind. Did he honestly expect anything else from him? Claire had her nanny wrapped so tight around her little finger, he would give her the moon if she asked for it.

“I guess two rides it is then,” he mumbled, much to Claire’s delight. “You guys go stand in line, I’ll get the tickets.”

A few dollar bills were shoved into his hands. “Will you get our tickets as well? Thanks Dean,” Charlie said, and went to stand in line behind Cas and Claire, with Jo by her side.

The line wasn’t long. They could already get on the carousel when it came to a stop.

Dean watched with a soft smile as Cas put Claire on a horse and then remained by her side, since she wasn’t tall enough yet to ride alone.

Sam suddenly showed up next to him. “He’s great with her.”

Dean’s smile grew wider. “Yeah.” He waved at Claire and Cas, who waved back at him. “Yeah, he is.”

“So...ehm...is there something I should know?”

Huh? Seriously? What was it with everyone today? First Charlie, now his brother. Who’s next?

“What gave you the idea there’s something you should know?” he boomed, without taking his eyes off Cas and Claire.

“Ehhhhh, judging by how defensive you just got, I think you know what I mean.”

Dean drew his brows together into an annoyed frown. He turned to Sam. “There’s nothing going on between Cas and me if that’s what you’re getting at.”

Sam held up his hands in a placating manner. “Hey, I’m not judging. I honestly wouldn’t blame you if there was though.”

“Well, there isn’t.” Dean turned his attention back to the carousel. “And there never will be,” he added, with a sense of unexpected regret in his voice that left him startled at the thought.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more Thanksgiving fun at the carnival.

 

CAS

 

Cas was living. Thanksgiving had turned out to be great despite his initial fears about meeting new people, and also this day; this outing with Dean, Claire and their family and friends would be marked with a gold lining.

After the carousel ride at the end of the Winter Wonderland, they had gone to a diner to get something to eat and to warm up from the freezing cold outside. They refrained from having a too heavy meal, in order not to get sick in case they wanted to experience a crazy roller coaster ride, and throw up the contents of their stomach as a result.

They were at the carnival and Claire had just hitched a ride with Sam and Eileen in the Ferris Wheel. Cas was glad. Nothing and no one, not even Claire who he loved more than anything, could convince him to set a foot on that thing.

“You scared, Cas?” Dean teased.

“I am not scared. I just don’t like dangling so high above the ground, that’s all.” His voice wavered while his gaze darted over the big attraction in front of him.

“In other words, you’re scared.”

“I am not…” He cut himself off with a sigh. Who was he kidding here? He was afraid of heights. It wasn’t extreme though. He could handle an apartment or even a penthouse. As long as he was surrounded by walls and he didn’t have to look down, he was fine. The cars on that Ferris Wheel didn’t count as such even if they were closed.

“Oh you so are.” Dean was relentless, and judging by that amused glint in his green eyes, Cas just knew he was never going to hear the end of it.

“I don’t see you catching a ride either, Dean.”

“Riding alone? Where’s the fun in that?”

“You could have gone with Sam and Eileen and Claire, or with Jo and Charlie. There was still room.”

Dean snorted. “With those love birds? No, thank you.”

“I can’t speak for Jo and Charlie, but I doubt Sam and Eileen are gonna make out with Claire there,” Cas evenly said. He looked up, searching for the cars they were all in. A shiver ran down his spine. Jesus, even looking at it gave him the creeps.

“Fuck, Cas, you really are afraid, aren’t you?”

Cas moved his gaze from the cars of the Ferris Wheel to Dean, who had a few lines painted on his forehead. There was also some guilt visible on his handsome face.

“I’m...yes,” Cas reluctantly admitted. He cocked his head in shame. This was embarrassing.

“Man, I’m sorry.” Dean sighed. “I was just teasing, I didn’t know it was serious, you know? I didn’t mean to make fun of you.” He shoved his hands into the pockets of his thick winter jacket. “I’m eh...I know what it’s like when people laugh at you when you’re afraid of something they think is ridiculous.”

Cas squinted, with a head tilt. What was Dean saying? That, he too had some sort of phobia? 

“I’m afraid of flying,” Dean answered just when Cas was about to ask about it. He huffed a laugh. “It’s absurd, right?”

“No Dean, it’s not.” Cas shook his head. “A lot of people don’t like flying.”

“That may be so, but not many people have a panic attack at the mere sight of a plane.”

“Is it that bad?” 

“Yeah, Cas,” Dean took in a very deep breath. “It’s that bad.”

This surprised Cas. He himself wouldn’t set foot on a Ferris Wheel, but he could handle flying. As long as he didn’t have to sit at the window and look down. Dean was quite the opposite. 

Didn’t opposites attract? Maybe that’s why they had become such good friends. It wasn’t because of their similarities, but because of the fact they completed each other.

“I like roller coasters though,” Dean pulled him out of his inappropriate thoughts.

Cas blinked. “What?”

“Roller coasters, Cas. Do you like roller coasters?”

“Ehm, yes.”

“Then why are we still standing here freezing our butts off?” He jerked his head in the direction of the Ferris Wheel. “It’s still gonna take a while before they’re back down. We can catch a roller coaster ride in the meantime.”

“We?” Cas motioned between the two of them with his eyebrows raised.

“Yes, dumbass, we. Do you see anyone else here?” Dean started walking to the nearest roller coaster. “Come on.”

Cas trailed after him, excitement stirring in his gut. He loved the adrenaline rush of a thrill ride, but to experience it with Dean? It was probably gonna be twice as nice, no doubt. If they could only be more than just friends.

A few hours ago, he had been caught totally off guard when Dean had brushed the whipped cream from his lips. The desire in Dean’s eyes marked by the dilated pupils had been so obvious there was no mistaking it.

No. He couldn’t think like that. They had something great going on, he should be grateful for that, instead of wanting something that was never going to be possible despite the mutual attraction.

The line for the roller coaster wasn’t very long. They already caught the next ride.

Cas squeezed his eyes shut as the train started its journey up at a snail’s pace. This was the part Cas always hated. He preferred coasters that just took off.

“I thought you liked coasters?” Dean said beside him.

Cas clenched his jaw. “I do,” he replied through gritted teeth. “I just don’t like the going up part.”

“Well, we’re almost there.”

Cas silently gasped for air when a hand was put on his thigh. The warmth of it seeped through the fabric of his pants and went straight to his dick that gave a more than interested twitch.

Ignoring his slowly growing cock, Cas hesitantly opened his eyes. The view was amazing, but vertigo slapped him so hard in the face he couldn’t really enjoy it. Before going into full panic mode, the train dove into the deep with an exhilarating speed.

After the ride, Cas immediately agreed to do it again when Dean suggested it, especially with the memory of that hand on his thigh fresh in his mind. Now  _ that _ would almost be worth a ride in the Ferris Wheel.

They were acting like two kids on a sugar high when they exited the roller coaster a second time. Not a minute later, Claire came running up to them, telling them how fun her own ride had been.

Now that the gang was back together again, they continued their walk around the carnival.

Cas and Dean caught a few more thrilling rides while Sam and Eileen, or Jo and Charlie took Claire into attractions that were more suitable for children her age. 

They rounded up their visit with Cas helping Claire catch ducks at the duck pond. It was a good activity to help the little girl relax and wind down from what had been an exciting day.

\----------

Cas left that same evening after Claire was tucked in. Dean tried to persuade him to stay another night, but Cas had politely declined, saying there were things around the lake house that needed to be done. It was only partially true.

The truth was that Cas had to get away from Dean, if only for a few days. The sexual tension between them had risen to unmeasurable heights this past week. With what happened that morning in the hallway, the cream that Dean had brushed from his lips, and the hand placed on his thigh, Cas needed a breather, before he did something exceptionally stupid and jeopardized the friendship he and Dean had going on, not to mention his job he loved so much.

It was cold and dark in the cabin; so different from the cosy warmth of Dean’s place.

Suppressing a shiver, Cas turned on some lights and the heating, before going upstairs to change into his pyjamas and to unpack his bag.

Once he was comfortable, he measured one of the rooms and the window for the project he had in mind. He had to know how much paint and fabric he needed to buy. He would paint the walls himself, but the curtains had to be made by someone else. Luckily, the owners of the drapery shop provided this service for their clients.

He carefully wrote down all the measurements on a notepad while coughing a few times to get rid of that annoying tickle in his throat. Damn, he hoped he hadn’t caught a cold. It was not so much himself he was worried about, but Claire. The last thing he wanted to do was to infect her.

Trying to nip this bug, or whatever it was, in the bud, he made a hot lemon drink with honey and went to bed early. Maybe it hadn’t been such a bad idea to come home. It wasn’t very wise to be around a child while getting sick.

\----------

The next morning Cas woke up at 9 to a bright winter’s day. He felt well rested, which was a good sign. Maybe he did manage to prevent the upcoming cold from breaking through.

He thought wrong; the tickle in his throat returned with a vengeance while he was making breakfast. It looked like he was going to have a lot of hot lemon drinks with honey during the weekend.

Cas scooped the bacon and eggs he had just made up onto a plate with two pieces of buttered toast on the side, and went to sit with it at the kitchen counter. He stared down at it without much of an appetite. 

It didn’t take him long to realize why that was. He missed Claire. And not just Claire. It was only fair to admit to himself that he missed Dean too. He missed them all having breakfast together.

He reluctantly nibbled on a piece of toast, finished the hot lemon drink and then threw the rest of his breakfast in the garbage bin. He would eat when he was hungry. It was time to take a shower now and head to the stores.

\----------

Two hours after he left, Cas was back. He had ordered all the furniture for the room; the curtains were being made with the fabric of his choice: lilac with a fine pattern of white flowers, and now he was unloading all the tin cans that contained the paint, the paint brushes and rollers, the paint buckets, a large piece of plastic to put on the floor, tape and everything else needed to paint a room.

He changed into ratty old jeans and an equally old t-shirt, spread out the plastic and got to work.

The color he had chosen for the walls was a lighter shade of lilac as the curtains, and a board of flowers would later be added in the middle.

He was so caught up in his work that he skipped lunch without even realizing it. It was only when he had to turn on the light because it was getting dark, that he looked at the time. He startled when it was already after 5.

Stepping back, he looked at what he had already done with a critical eye. It was quite good, even though he said so himself. Well, he  _ did _ know how to paint walls. The color was nice and the walls probably wouldn’t need a second layer to cover everything.

Two walls were done, and Cas decided it was enough for today. With a little bit of luck, he would finish his painting job tomorrow.

He closed the tin can with the paint in, and took the brushes and the bucket to the garage where he cleaned them in the large sink. Afterwards he took them back inside the house. It was too cold in the garage for them to dry properly.

In the kitchen, he took his phone and ordered Chinese take out. He went to take a quick shower while waiting for it, all the time contemplating if he should call Dean. But, what would he say? What excuse could he come up with other than to ask how Claire was doing?

The thought was still running around his skull as he toweled himself dry and threw on his pyjamas. It gave him a fucking headache.

By the time he came back downstairs, he had successfully convinced himself that it wasn’t fair to use Claire as an excuse. If he wanted to call Dean just because he needed to hear his voice, then he should man up and admit it or not call at all, period.

The ringing of the doorbell, indicating his food had arrived, came as a welcome distraction. He paid the courier, adding a large tip and brought the bag to the kitchen. 

The undoubtedly mouthwatering smell that rose up from the boxes as he opened them, left him cold, which was weird to say the least. Normally he couldn’t wait to dig in. Now, however, he couldn’t care less. The growling of his stomach might tell him he was hungry, but he didn’t have much of an appetite, just like this morning.

He vaguely realized that this wasn’t just about missing Dean and Claire and the meals they shared anymore. Something else was wrong that deprived him of his interest in food.

He ate something regardless, without really tasting anything, with an upset stomach as a result.

With a sigh, he put everything in the fridge and made another hot lemon drink with honey. He took it to the living room where he started the fire, before making himself comfortable on the couch with a blanket and the remote.

\----------

Cas startled out of a very vivid dream. For one disorientated second he looked around, blinking in confusion to his surroundings, until he realized where he was.

His eyes landed on the digital clock of the DVD player that showed 8 in the morning. Did he really sleep for twelve hours straight on the couch? He must have been pretty beat. His muscles however, didn’t agree with this little adventure. He was sore all over.

Still sleepdrunk, he got up and tried to stretch, only to bend over in agony instead. A painful groan left his lips. This was bad. He needed to make a memo not to do this again. A couch was good for napping, not for sleeping.

On wobbly legs, he stumbled to the kitchen to get the coffee going, and to make yet another hot lemon drink. It really did the trick with soothing his sore throat, if anything.

He didn’t bother with breakfast. His appetite hadn’t returned from wherever it had disappeared to. Besides, his stomach was still a bit upset.

Despite all the aches and pains - nothing an Ibuprofen couldn’t fix - he changed into his old ratty clothes to finish painting the room.

He managed to get the job done, but maybe he shouldn't have. He felt like crap afterwards. One moment he was so hot, like he was on fire, he wanted to run outside, naked, and the other moment he was shivering, being so cold he could crawl into the fireplace. It was then when it hit him that he probably had caught the flu, and if that was the case, then the only thing he could do was to let it run its course, but that meant he needed to rest.

He managed to make another hot drink and took it to the bedroom, together with a pack of crackers, a bottle of water, some medication for the pain and the fever, his phone and a lot of paper tissues.

Cursing, sniffling and coughing, he crawled under the covers. Damn it. What good was a flu shot when he got the flu now anyway? He knew it was a ridiculous thought. This was most likely a different strain than what was in the vaccine. 

Another thing crossed his mind as he sipped his drink with his hands tightly wrapped around the mug. What about Claire? He hoped he didn’t infect her and, oh dear God, what about Eileen? The last thing she needed right now was getting sick while pregnant.

Although he rationally knew there was nothing to feel guilty about - he did have that shot after all - he couldn’t help but feel it was his fault if any of the people he had been around in the past few days got ill.

His head hurt too much to think about it more. The medication was also starting to kick in and it made him too drowsy to have coherent thoughts.

He finished his drink that had warmed him up from the inside, and he sagged further down under the covers. He needed to rest; he needed to sleep this off and be better tomorrow. There was a job waiting for him, and the last thing he wanted was some stupid illness getting in the way of his responsibilities. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone in for some 'nurse' Dean?

 

DEAN

 

Dean answered Charlie’s cheerful “Morning Dean” with a low grumble as he passed the front desk at nine on Monday morning, and went straight to his office, slamming the door shut behind him with more force than he intended.

He threw his briefcase on the ground, hung up his coat and fell into his chair, running both hands over his face as he went over the events of the disaster that had been the past weekend.

First, Claire had gone into full temper tantrum mode when she had woken up and found out ‘her’ nanny Cas wasn’t there. Dean, not being in the best of moods himself over the exact same thing, had to explain to her that nanny Cas couldn’t be there every hour of every day. 

“He’s to come live here,” Claire had firmly stated with a little pout.

Yeah well, Dean couldn’t agree more, but he couldn’t very well tell his four year old daughter that now, could he.

Second, he had tried to contact Anna as soon as he had figured out the time difference. It had been three weeks since they last heard from her. She hadn’t even texted them to wish them a happy Thanksgiving.

Of course, Anna was hard to reach. No surprise there. He had to give up trying when it was midnight in Paris. Where the hell was she? Stupid question, really. He knew that as soon as it presented itself to him. She was probably ‘out’ with whoever, having a blast. It was Saturday evening in Europe after all.

Claire took it remarkably well when another attempt to reach her mom failed. She just shrugged her little shoulders, leaving Dean astounded. There had to be something fundamentally wrong when Claire was more upset with Cas not being there than with not being able to reach her own mother.

Sunday went a little better. Anna finally called  _ them _ . She had explained that they didn’t celebrate Thanksgiving in Europe. It was an all American holiday, and so it totally slipped her mind. 

At least she was honest where she had been that Saturday evening. She had gone out for some drinks with a few colleagues. 

“I’m working my butt off here, Dean. I needed a break,” she had snapped.

Dean had blinked in confusion over that. Why did she sound so defensive? He never told her she couldn’t go out for a drink or deserved a break, what the hell?

That’s when he heard something in the background. It was faint but it was definitely there. Of course, it could always be the TV, or a friend that came over for a visit, right? It didn’t have to mean anything. He had shrugged it off, not wanting to think the worst.

Anna talked to Claire for a few minutes and after that, Dean had taken his daughter to the local ice skating rink to get information about figure skating. Since Claire would turn five next February, she would be able to start taking lessons in September next year when the new season started. They had given him the advice Charlie had read on the website a few days earlier: take her out skating at least once a week and put single blade ice skates on her feet in preparation. It would be a hell of a lot easier for her if she could already skate a little bit and felt confident on the ice when the lessons started.

Dean let out a big sigh. And all that time during the whole weekend, Cas hadn’t been far from his mind. He had wanted to call him at least five times. On one occasion he had even already formed his whole number, totally forgetting he had him on speed dial, before deciding against it.

Why? Why did Cas leave on Friday night? They had spent a wonderful Thanksgiving at Sam’s and an awesome day at the carnival. He had thought Cas would have stayed an additional night. Imagine his disappointment when Cas had told him he wanted to go home.

Damn it. He jumped up from his desk chair and stared out of his office window into the greyness of the day. The sky held another big load of snow that would soon start to fall. 

Wasn’t it time that he fully admitted to himself that he wanted Cas around twenty-four seven? Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to ask Cas to become a live-in nanny during the week. He could come in on Monday morning and stay until Friday evening, just like he had done the previous week. 

No. He couldn’t do that. It wasn’t fair to expect this from Cas. The guy had a life. It shouldn’t revolve around Dean and Claire. 

Led Zeppelin started playing from the inside pocket of his coat. Dean pulled the phone out and frowned slightly at the caller ID. What was Cas calling him for now while he had the whole fucking weekend to do it? What was so important that it couldn’t wait until tonight? Unless the guy was so desperate to hear his voice he couldn’t hold it anymore.

_ Sure, Winchester. You’re just annoyed he didn’t call you earlier. _

“Shut up,” Dean mumbled to that pesky little voice in the back of his skull, and then answered his phone.

“Hiya Cas. What’s up?”

There was a beat of silence before a voice at the other end of the line cracked: “Dean.”

All the alarm bells in Dean’s head went off at once. Something wasn’t right.

“Cas?”

“Can’t...pick up...Claire.” Cas sounded horrible, and that was an understatement. It was like talking exhausted him.

“Cas, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Just...little sick...is all.” A series of awful sounding coughs came through the phone. A  _ little _ sick? Right. This didn’t sound like a  _ little _ at all.

“Cas where are you?”

“H...home...is cold.”

_ Fuck.  _ “Okay, Cas, stay on the line.”

Dean frantically looked through all his drawers and cabinets.  _ Address, address, address. _ He got frustrated when he didn’t find it immediately. Where the hell did he leave Cas’s address? Wait, did he even have it?

He stopped his mad search for a bit to think calmly about it. Then it hit him. The folder! It must be in Cas’s folder.

With his cell phone still pressed against his ear, he burst out of his office.

“Charlie. Do you know where I left Castiel’s folder?”

“Sure, Dean.” Charlie pulled a blue binder out of the drawer. “It’s right here.”

“His address must be in there somewhere. Write it down for me please.” He turned on his heels and went back into his office to put on his overcoat.

“Dean, you don’t…” Cas said.

“Don’t argue with me,” Dean cut him off. He snatched his keys from his desk. “You’re obviously very sick and there’s nobody there to help you. Stay on the line, okay?”

He went back outside and took the piece of paper Charlie handed to him with a lot of questions in her eyes.

“What’s going on?”

“Not now. I’ll call you later. Just, cancel all my appointments for the next three days,” Dean answered, and hurried out with big strides.

He almost ran to his car in the parking garage.

“Cas? You still there?”

“Ehm...yes.” 

God, he sounded so weak, it chilled Dean to the bone. 

“Hang in there, buddy,” he said, nearly choking on his worries. “I’m on my way.”

He unlocked the Impala and got in, after which he put his phone on handsfree and quickly put Cas’s address into the GPS. He doubted he would find his place without it.

Dean broke every speed limit as he raced to Cas, all the while trying to keep him talking.

Damn it. Why didn’t Cas call him earlier? Like yesterday? He didn’t get sick overnight, did he?

It dawned on him Cas probably wouldn’t have called at all if it weren’t for Claire. He didn’t call for help; no, he called to say he couldn’t pick up his daughter today.

“Stubborn son of a bitch,” he mumbled under his breath. 

He reached the lake house in a little more than fifteen minutes. He immediately noticed the frozen lake on his right hand side as he approached the house from the back. It was a strange mixture of stone bricks and wood and glass - lots of glass - which meant that it couldn’t really be defined as a ‘cabin’.

Dean exited the car and ran through the snow and up the porch, hoping the back door wasn’t locked. He breathed a sigh of relief when it wasn’t. It was good for him now, but he made a mental note to talk to Cas about locking his doors in the future.

The kitchen that he entered was big and modern, with a cooking island in the middle and a breakfast counter at one end that separated it from the dining and living room area.

Judging by the closed, from roof to bottom long, cream curtains, the whole front was made of glass. 

While it was one big open space with shiny polished hardwood floors and cream carpets that matched the curtains, it breathed out a cosy and warm atmosphere.

Dean didn’t have time to take it all in though. “Cas, I’m here. Where are you?”

“Second floor. Turn left. Last door...right.”

“Got it.” Dean pocketed his phone. Taking two steps at a time, he ran up the stairs following Cas’s directions. He gently knocked on the bedroom door, and went in without waiting for an answer.

The first thing he noticed when he entered the dusky room, that was only lit up by a beam of grey daylight seeping through a crack in the curtains, was the stale smell of illness, and Cas in bed looking absolutely miserable. The sight nearly broke his heart.

“Cas!” He hurried to the bedside and put the back of his hand against Cas’s forehead. “You’re burning up.”

“I...don’t feel well. I knocked over the bottle of water. Tried to get up...get another…”

Dean nodded. It explained the claminess of the sheets, and poor Cas was too weak to change the bed, or take a shower by the looks of it. Damn it. Why didn’t he call for help sooner? 

Dean took in a deep, shivering breath. He needed to calm down. There was enough time to scold Cas out later. First things first.

“Okay, Cas, here’s what we’re gonna do,” he said, shrugging off his coat and his suit jacket. He hung it neatly over the back of a chair. “First, this room needs to be aired out. Since it’s freezing outside, it’s not a good idea to do that with you in it. Do you have a guest bedroom?”

“A few. There’s one right next door.”

“Great. We’re gonna move you in there after you have taken a bath and changed into some clean pajamas.”

Cas moved to try to get up, and was hit by a very nasty coughing fit that clearly wore him out.

“Jesus, Cas, that doesn’t sound so good. Lay back down. I’m gonna run a bath for you.” He looked around. “Where do you keep your pajamas and underwear?”

Cas pointed to the dresser. “Top drawer.”

Dean opened it and pulled out a pair of flannel pyjamas and clean boxers. He ignored the fact that he felt like he was invading Cas’s privacy somehow. Now was not the time.

He took the clothes to the adjoining bathroom where he rolled up his sleeves, took off his tie and ran a bath with lots of awesome smelling bubbles. He searched the cabinets for clean towels, and hung them up within reach.

While the bath was running, he checked out the guest bedroom. He turned on the heat and put fresh flannel sheets on the bed. Then he went back to look after the bath.

So far so good. Those were the easy parts. The hard part was yet to come, and that was getting Cas into the tub. It wouldn’t be much of a problem if Cas didn’t have to be naked for that. Dean asked himself how the hell he was going to be able to handle that. There was no way he was going to leave him to do that alone. The guy was way too weak. He could barely get up without help, let alone step into that tub. What if he slipped and fell?

He turned off the water and took some time to brace himself for what he had to do next.

Overly cheerful to hide his awkwardness, he walked back into the bedroom where he helped Cas out of bed.

“I think I bruised a rib,” Cas said, leaning on Dean as Dean supported him.

“With the way you’re coughing, it wouldn’t surprise me,” Dean grunted.

In the bathroom, he put Cas on a stool. Visibly shivering from the fever, Cas started to unbutton his pajama top. His fingers trembled so hard he could barely manage. It was painful to watch.

“Come here,” Dean mumbled as he started to help him with it.

“No, Dean, it’s fine. I...I got it from here.”

Cas was embarrassed. Dean could feel it radiating from him. The guy couldn’t even look him in the eyes.

“Cas, I get it, okay? But seriously, let me help you.” He tried to catch Cas’s gaze.

Cas blinked up at him for a second before averting his eyes. There was a great amount of shame written in them. “I tried to shower earlier. I stumbled and fell on my way to the bathroom.”

Dean took in a startled breath. “Damn it, Cas. You should have called me.”

“Didn’t wanna bother you. I hate being so goddamn weak, Dean. I feel pathetic.”

Dean finished unbuttoning Cas’s pajama top and peeled it from his arms. “It’s not your fault. Your body is putting up a strong fight. It’s only normal you’re feeling so weak.” He took the hem of the shirt Cas wore underneath the pajamas and pulled it over his head, revealing that same toned chest he had seen a few days ago. It was covered with a thin sheen of sweat, gleaming in the bathroom light. He swallowed.  _ Fucking hold it together Winchester. _

“Can you...can you stand up a bit?” He took Cas’s arm to help him up, ignoring how hoarse he sounded. Then he tied a big towel around Cas’s waist, and sagged down to his knees.

“I’m gonna tug down your pajama pants now, okay?”

“Yes.” The word was barely audible. Dean figured Cas was as uncomfortable as he was with the whole situation. But, damn it, what was he supposed to do? Let Cas fend for himself while being so sick? Yeah, not gonna happen. Dean was a natural caregiver. It was in his bones; it’s who he was. 

He pulled at the pants. They fell down and pooled around Cas’s ankles. Cas stepped out of them while seeking support with one hand against the bathroom wall.

“Okay.” With a grunt, Dean got back up. He cleared his throat. “So...ehm...do you...do you wear underpants?” he asked, trying his very best to push back the heat that was rising to his cheeks at the mere thought that the only thing that separated him from an almost naked Cas was a fucking towel. 

“Yes, I do. I can...take them off myself.”

Dean huffed an awkward little laugh to relieve some of the tension, but failed miserably at the attempt. “Yeah, I’ll...ehm...turn around.”

He turned his back to Cas and took in a deep, silent breath. The groans and moans that sounded behind him almost made him whirl back around. He clenched his fists to fight the urge.

The simple act of taking off his boxers tired Cas out, Dean heard it in his heavy breathing. He supported Cas as he got into the tub. When he was standing with his two feet in the water, Dean had to swallow again. “I’m afraid you have to lose the towel now, Cas,” he said. “Don’t worry, I’ll close my eyes until you’re seated,” he quickly added. “The foam and the bubbles will be enough to cover...ehm...everything.”

Cas nodded.

“Okay.” Dean shut his eyes. “Go ahead.”

Once Cas was fully seated he told Dean that he could open his eyes. He was sitting with his arms around his legs, and his head rested on his knees that stuck out above the water’s surface.

Dean took a sponge and ran the water over Cas’s shoulders and his back. Goosebumps appeared on his flesh. He started shaking uncontrollably. “I’m so cold,” he murmured with an unsteady voice.

“I know, Cas. I know. But we need to get your fever down.” Dean sighed. “Don’t you have any medication for that?”

“I took the last pill this morning.”

“Why didn’t you call a doc already?”

“I’m...I’m sorry.”

“For what? For not calling a doc?”

“For bothe...bothering you.”

“You are not bothering me,” Dean said, offended that this thought even crossed Cas’s mind. He continued to sponge off Cas’s shoulders and back. “If anything, you should have called me yesterday. I mean, you didn’t wake up being this sick now, did you?”

“It wasn’t...this bad...yesterday.” Cas had a hard time speaking with how badly he was shaking. It scared Dean out of his wits, and it was at that very moment that he fully realised how much Cas really meant to him. Not that he didn’t care about Cas before, but this was a different feeling. It ran deeper; it was stronger; it was called falling...in love.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates will come faster for a while. I have a whole Christmas chapter in mind that I want to have up before...well...Christmas :)


	14. Chapter 14

 

CAS

 

Cas finally managed to keep his shaking body under control. He was still shivering slightly though. He was vaguely aware of a few fingers gently massaging his skull and water running over his head, accompanied by Dean’s voice softly giving him instructions.

This was torture. Cas longed for his bed and some sleep. He was so tired. 

“Okay, Cas. We’re gonna get you out of that tub now.” 

Cas looked up. He watched as Dean took a big towel and held it up. “Lean on me. I’ll close my eyes until you’re covered.”

Cas obeyed. He felt too much like crap to be worried about how fucking embarrassing this was. That would soon change once he felt better, he was sure, but at that moment he couldn’t give a flying fuck if Dean saw him naked or not.

With a body that felt so heavy he could barely stand up, he got out of the bathtub, the towel wrapped around his waist.

With Dean’s help, he dried himself off and then got into a fresh pair of pajamas, following the same routine as when he was getting undressed.

He was so glad when he finally got back into the comfort of his bed. With a sense of relief, he sagged into the pillows.

“Where do I find the number of your doc, Cas?” Dean asked. He was standing at the bedside, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, his tie gone and his shirt that showed wet spots, unbuttoned at the top.

“I...ruined your shirt.”

“Don’t worry about my shirt. Right now I need the number of your doc.”

“Shurley. Chuck Shurley. It’s in my phone.” He closed his eyes. His eyelids were so heavy he couldn’t keep them open any longer.

“You rest a bit now. I’m gonna make some calls,” he heard Dean say before he drifted off into a light sleep.

\----------

“A bad case of the flu and the start of pneumonia,” Chuck said. “And, as you already suspected, you did slightly bruise some ribs.” He had arrived about an hour after Dean had made the call, according to the alarm clock on the nightstand. Cas remembered catching the time before he fell asleep.

Dean had discreetly left the room during the examination, but was called back in to hear the diagnosis so Chuck didn’t have to repeat himself.

Cas was prescribed a course of antibiotics to prevent the pneumonia from breaking through, and plenty of rest. He was allowed to take over the counter painkillers for the bruised ribs, and fever reducing medication with the prescription drugs.

He thanked the doctor and Dean showed him out. A few minutes later Dean came back into the room with two bowls of what smelled like chicken soup, on a tray.

“Thank you, Dean. But I’m not really hungry.”

Dean put the tray on the table. “You have to eat something, Cas.”

Cas was too tired to put up a fight. Reluctantly, he let Dean help him out of bed and onto a chair. 

Dean took a seat opposite him and dug in. He hummed appreciatively around his spoon at the first taste. “I found this in the freezer. Did you make it yourself?”

“Yes.”

“It’s really good.” He shot Cas a shy smile. “But, then again, I already knew you were a great cook.”

Cas cocked his head to hide the blush that crept over his cheeks at the compliment. “Thank you.” He took the spoon and tentatively started eating.

No matter how tasty the soup was, it didn’t instigate Cas’s appetite. He finished half the bowl before he gave up trying to force more down his throat. “I...can’t.”

“That’s okay, buddy. At least you have something in your system now,” Dean said, nodding in understanding. He jumped up from his chair to help Cas when he got up to get back into bed.

“Jesus, Dean. I can make those few steps on my own.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t doubt that, but I’m not taking any chances with you. You already fell once.”

“I stumbled.”

“And why do you think you stumbled, huh?”

“Because I hit my toe on the nightstand.”

“And we don’t want that to happen again, right?”

Cas rolled his eyes as he sagged down on the bed. “I’m not a child, Dean.”

“I know that.” Dean tucked him in. “But I’m here now, so, let me take care of you, okay?”

“You need to take care of Claire, not me.”

“Claire’s fine. She’s gonna stay with Sam and Eileen for a few days.”

Cas was confused. Why on earth would Claire need to stay with Dean’s brother and his wife? Despite the fever that had been down since the bath but was now spiking again, it slowly dawned on him what Dean meant.

“Dean, you don’t have to…”

“Don’t argue with me Cas,” Dean cut him off. “I’m staying here with you, at least until your fever is gone, even if it is to prevent you from doing something stupid.”

“But, your business…”

“My business can wait. I’m all caught up, and I have you to thank for that. The most important thing for me to do right now is to get you better.” Dean’s tone of voice was so firm and determined, it made Cas think twice before arguing further with him. He swallowed back the protest he was about to make, knowing it would be a useless effort and therefore a total waste of energy. Besides, he was too tired for this bickering anyway.

“I’m gonna pick up your medicine now,” Dean continued. “And pack an overnight bag.” He turned and strode to the door.

Cas felt bad. Dean had done so much, and instead of being grateful that he was there for him, Cas was being a nuisance.

“Dean,” he stopped him before he could walk out.

Dean whirled back around. The look in his eyes was filled with worry.

Cas held his gaze for a second, almost melting underneath that intense stare. 

“Thank you,” he said, looking down and away.

Dean formed a smile. “Don’t worry about it, Cas. You rest now. I won’t be long.”

Cas nodded, trying to put a smile of his own on his lips as he looked back up and stared after him, as he disappeared into the hallway.

\----------

Cas took a turn for the worst the next day. Dean almost rushed him to the E.R., that’s how bad it was, but Cas wouldn’t have it.

“Just call Chuck,” he said.

And so Dean did.

Cas sighed in relief when Chuck managed to reassure Dean that it was a normal course of events. The antibiotics kept the upcoming pneumonia under control, but the body had to fight the flu by itself. There was nothing much they could do in the hospital that couldn’t be done at home.

“Just make sure he drinks plenty,” was the doc’s advice.

Cas was adamant on getting as much water down as he could manage. If that was the thing that prevented Dean from taking him to the hospital, then that’s what he was going to do.

Despite Dean’s protests telling him a bath would be better, he took a shower in the hours that the fever was down a bit due to the fever reducing medication. Dean helped him the same way he helped him the day before, and then some. Cas thought he was exaggerating. Dean was hovering over him so much he almost got into the shower with him. 

“I swear to God, Cas, if you slip and fall I will get into that shower and I won’t give a shit if you’re naked or not.”

“I don’t expect anything else, Dean,” Cas sarcastically countered. He promptly dropped the towel around his waist and stepped underneath the spray, slamming the shower door shut before Dean had the chance to turn around. That he had just given Dean a perfect view of his naked ass was something he really couldn’t care less about at that point. He was too tired, too sick, too everything to worry about it.

Of course, he could have taken the towel off after he got into the shower stall, but logical thinking was something that had left him, in his feverish state. Lucky for him a sliver of it returned when he finished showering. Instead of just getting out in all his naked glory, probably giving Dean a full on cardiac arrest if he did that, he asked Dean to hand him a towel first.

He quickly dried himself and got out, exhausted. Those few minutes in the shower had eaten away most of his energy.

He let Dean help him into a pair of fresh pajamas and into bed, where he immediately fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillows.

\----------

Cas didn’t eat much during the time he was sick. A bite of scrambled eggs in the morning, one slice of bread at noon and half a bowl of soup for dinner was all, and not because he had an appetite, but because he had to, with the antibiotics.

His fever broke on Wednesday morning. He woke up feeling better than he had felt in days. His energy level was still crap, but other than that, he felt reasonably good.

A full bladder and very clammy pajamas and sheets - he had been sweating up a storm during the night - chased him out of bed. Getting up was hard because of his bruised ribs, but he managed to stumble to the bathroom, and even took a shower without any help. 

He had just finished, wrapping a towel around his waist, when a knock on the bedroom door announced Dean’s arrival.

“Cas, what are you doing?” he almost shouted as he entered. In no time Dean was by his side, grabbing him by the arm.

“Relax, Dean, I’m fine. I think my fever broke,” Cas reassured him, but allowed him to give some support while escorting him back to the bed, where he sagged down at the edge of it.

The smile that appeared on Dean’s face was one of relief. “That’s great, Cas.” He went to the dresser to get some clean pajamas from the drawer.

“I’m eh...wanna go downstairs.” Cas took the pajamas from Dean and looked up at him with what he hoped was a lot of determination.

Dean squinted. “Are you sure? You’re not fully recovered yet.”

“Yes, I’m sure. Besides, the sheets need to be changed and,” he pulled up his nose, “it smells here. This room needs to be aired out.”

Dean blinked a few times, then he threw his head back and laughed. “You really  _ are _ better.”

“Yes, I am.”

“Okay then. You dress, I’ll make breakfast and then I’ll come and get you. How does that sound?”

“Sounds good.”

Dean hesitated. “You sure you got this? You need help?”

Cas rolled his eyes. “Yes, I got this, don’t worry. I just took a shower on my own.”

Dean still seemed unsure about the whole thing. Cas watched as the tip of his tongue darted out to lick his lips, as his eyes roamed over Cas’s naked chest. Then, as if he suddenly realised what he was doing, he gasped for air, and with the words “I’m gonna make some breakfast now,” he hurried out of the room.

The little incident had made Cas’s cock twitch. One corner of his mouth tugged up in a half smile. It was another sign he really was getting better. 

He took his time putting on his pajamas, all the while pondering over what exactly happened the past few days. He appreciated everything Dean had done for him, nursing him back to health and staying with him, but some memories were pretty vague. Did Dean really give him a bath? And...dear God, did he really drop his towel in front of him yesterday?  _ Shit. _ This was embarrassing. He hoped he didn’t do anything else equally embarrassing he couldn’t recall. 

He was finishing up buttoning his pajama top when Dean came back. He escorted him down the stairs and settled him onto a barstool at the kitchen counter.

The awesome smell of eggs, coffee and toast made Cas’s mouth water. His stomach growled. It was the first time since Saturday that he had an appetite. Good! The pajama pants that always had been a comfortable fit, hung too loose around his waist, marking a noticeable weight loss. 

Dean poured Cas a glass of fresh orange juice and mug of coffee. He put a big plate with scrambled eggs, and another with toast, in the middle of the counter between them.

Cas scooped up some of the eggs onto his empty plate. He buttered a piece of toast and took a bite. With his eyes closed, he hummed while chewing away. It was amazing how good something plain like a piece of toast could taste, after not being able to eat for so long because of the lack of an appetite.

The soft chuckle from Dean made him open his eyes again. 

“I’m glad you’re feeling so much better, Cas.”

“Hm, me too.” He took another bite, savoring the delicious taste.

They ate in silence for a while, not that Cas could eat a lot; his stomach was quickly satisfied. He figured it was normal after not being very interested in food for days.

The last bite of the eggs on his plate went down the wrong way. He started coughing, cringing in pain because of the pressure it put on his bruised ribs.

“Cas? You okay?” Dean was instantly by his side, sounding all worried.

Cas knew Dean meant well, but damn it, his constant hovering was starting to get annoying. Cas wasn’t some delicate flower who was gonna faint from a little pain. He waved his arm. “I’m fine. I just choked, and it hurts when I cough.” Another cough left his throat. “Fuck!”

A glass of water was put in front of him. “Here, drink this.”

Cas carefully took a few sips. “Thank you,” he scratched out after cleansing his throat. 

Over the brim of  his glass he watched as Dean started to clean up the remains of their meal.

“You know,” he said after a few seconds, “you don’t have to stay here anymore, now that I’m better.”

Dean huffed a laugh as he put the dirty plates in the dishwasher. “You’re really eager to get rid of me, aren’t you.”

Cas took in a startled breath. No, that’s not what he meant. Damn it.

“Dean,...I’m...no…,” he tried to explain. “Claire needs you more than I do, and your business...

“Cas,” Dean interrupted him around a sigh. He closed the dishwasher. “Claire’s fine. I have talked to her on the phone several times a day. Sam and Eileen are spoiling her rotten. She misses you though”

Cas formed a smile. That warmed his heart. “Really?”

“Yes, really. She asks about you every time I call her, wondering when you’ll be back.”

“I miss her too, Dean.”

Dean wetted a dishcloth and wiped the counter surface. “I know.”

“You...ehm...you can always bring her over for a visit. If it’s not too much trouble.”

Dean stopped wiping and looked up at him. “You sure you’re up for that yet? You need to rest, and she can be quite a handful, as you know.”

“I’m sure. It’s just a visit, Dean.”

“Well,” Dean turned around to the sink to rinse off the cloth. He wrung it out and neatly folded it. “I was planning to go to the office tomorrow and pick up Claire from preschool afterwards myself, to drop her off at Sam’s so I can come back here…

“You don’t have to…”

Dean held up his hand to stop him. “I’m not gonna leave you alone for whole days and nights to fend for yourself just yet, not with those bruised ribs,” he said with a firm voice. “You’re barely recovered.” He pointed his finger at him. “I know you. You’re probably gonna push yourself too far, with the risk of a relapse.”

Cas sighed deeply.

“What I’m trying to say,” Dean continued, “is that instead of taking Claire to Sam, I can bring her here. I’ll make dinner and settle you in for the night. I’ll come back to check on you in the morning after dropping Claire off at preschool, before going to the office.”

Cas grunted as he got up from the barstool. “That’s gonna be a lot of driving back and forth.” He hobbled to the living room with Dean on his heels.

“Yeah, well, it’s what I wanna do.” He plopped down on the couch next to him. “You have done so much for us in the past few months. You cooked and cleaned and did the laundry...I wanna give something back. Just...let me do this for you, now.”

Cas took the blanket that hung over the back of the couch, and draped it over his knees. He didn’t want to admit it, but he was exhausted. Maybe Dean was right. Maybe he did need some help for just a few more days. It was time to put aside his pride and stop fighting Dean on this. But all the driving around would take up a lot of time. That’s when he came up with something that would be more practical.

“Dean, do you think Claire is gonna want to sleep here? She can stay in your room if you like.” He chuckled and then cringed because even that caused him pain. “It’s kind of the same as when you asked me to stay with you last week during Thanksgiving break,” he gritted out. “It’s more,” he pulled a face, “convenient. It saves you the time of driving all the way here in the morning and then drive all the way back, since you are hell bent on coming and checking on me.”

Dean’s eyes grew wide, and his eyebrows shot up. Then he looked down at the hands in his lap, a crooked smile on his face. “Are you serious?”

“Yes.” Cas shrugged. “It’s obvious I can’t change your mind. You might as well just stay here during the night.”

Dean immediately agreed, not that Cas ever doubted it. He was kind of glad about it. No matter how much he tried to deny it, he needed the help right now. It would take some time to get his full strength back, and Dean was right about one thing: he would overdo it and push himself to exhaustion if there was no one there to stop him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A fluffy Christmas chapter is coming up on Christmas eve.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised to post this on Christmas Eve, but I'm giving it to you already.

 

DEAN

 

The days Dean and Claire spent with Cas at the lake house were filled with sheer domesticity. They even stayed over the weekend. 

This, this is what a real family looked like. Dean didn’t even know how much he needed it until he experienced it. It was this that made him ask Cas to become a live in nanny, despite his reservations about it and that Cas’s life shouldn’t revolve around him and Claire. It couldn’t hurt to ask, right? Cas could always say no.

But Cas said yes to the offer. He picked Claire up from preschool every Monday, brought her home, and he stayed there until Friday evening. 

Dean arranged everything with the recruitment agency. He soon found that it was the best decision he had ever made. The mornings weren’t so rushed and hectic anymore with Cas there to help him. Everything was a hell of a lot more relaxed, which benefited all of them.

\----------

“Why don’t we just buy some new ones,” Dean said, frustrated. He was busy untangling the string of Christmas lights, and was slowly running out of patience with the damn things.

Cas chuckled and looked up from trimming the big tree they had just dragged into the lake house.

“I’m glad you think it’s funny,” Dean grumbled. He held up the lights in front of him and then gave up trying to solve the problem. Whatever he did, he only seemed to make it worse.

“I don’t understand,” he complained with a big sigh. “I’ve successfully untangled the outside lights. Why can’t I straighten out this string?”

“I’ll help,” Claire said. She had been checking out the boxes with the other Christmas decorations, flailing over all the pretty, shiny treasures she had discovered in there. 

Dean raised his eyebrows at her. Sure, why not let a four year old help figure it out. The glint in her mischievous blue eyes had trouble written all over it. 

“Sweetheart, I don’t think…”

“It’s okay, Dean. Let her try,” Cas interrupted him without taking his eyes from the silver fur in front of him. He cut off another piece of a branch.

Dean moved his gaze from an excited Claire, to Cas. “That’s a disaster waiting to happen. You’ll end up with something that will never get untangled ever again. You know that, right?”

“Then we’ll buy new ones.” Cas shrugged. “It’s no big deal.”

Dean rolled his eyes. He handed his daughter the lights, convinced that this was a bad idea, but, whatever. “Here you go, pumpkin. Knock yourself out.” With a grunt he got up from the couch and went to stand next to Cas, who had just finished trimming the tree and was now examining it with a critical frown between his brows.

“There’s still something on the left...there,” Dean pointed out.

“Yeah, I see it.” Cas moved forward and cut off a branch. He took a few steps back and folded his arms across his chest to give the tree another once over. He was standing so close to Dean their shoulders lightly touched, but he didn’t seem to mind, or care for that matter.

“It’s a...it’s a beautiful tree, Cas,” Dean said with a nod, trying his best to ignore the adrenaline that shot through his veins, caused by the touch. Cas shouldn’t have this effect on him. 

When Cas was so sick, he had acknowledged he was falling in love, and now he didn’t know what to do with it. He couldn’t very well act on it, right? He was still fucking married, something he constantly had to remind himself of because it was so easy to forget.

“All done,” Claire pulled him out of his thoughts.

Dean whirled around. His eyes grew wide with surprise as he looked at a beaming Claire, who had actually managed to untangle the lights.

“What the f...frack,” he blurted out, almost using the F word in front of his daughter. “How did you do that?” He turned to Cas. “How did she do that?” He couldn’t believe this.

“Great job, Claire,” Cas praised her. He looked at Dean. “The brains of four year olds work differently. We adults tend to think too hard while they,” he pointed at Claire, “go with their instincts. It’s an ability we sadly lose over time. The more we learn, the more we use logical thinking instead of listening to what our intuition tells us. It’s why I wanted you to give her a try at it.”

“That’s…” Dean still had a hard time wrapping his head around it. “That’s amazing.”

“Yes it is.” Cas took the lights. “So, are we gonna hang them on the tree now, or what?”

It took them another hour to fully decorate the tree. After that, they decorated the rest of the house, and then faced the freezing cold to hang up the lights outside. Dean was glad when that job was done. He was about to turn into a popsicle.

Since it was Saturday - and since Cas had offered - Dean and Claire spent the night. Tomorrow they would go to Dean’s place to put up the tree there and Cas would stay over. It was something they had agreed on earlier. 

\----------

Dean had just finished giving Claire a bath and she was now nicely tucked away in the big bed. She was still sleeping with him when they were here.

“So, Cas,” he said, leaning with his elbows on the counter while watching Cas clean up the kitchen.

“Yes Dean?”

“Do you have plans for Christmas yet? I mean...you’re obviously invited to my place...” He chewed his lower lip as he carefully monitored Cas’s reaction.

“About that…”.

Dean’s stomach dropped. Shit. He should have said something earlier. Why didn’t he say something earlier? Spending Christmas without Cas was not something he was looking forward to, no matter how much he loved this time of year. It just wouldn’t be the same without him.

“I was kinda planning to invite everyone who I met at Thanksgiving over for Christmas dinner,” Cas continued. He shrugged, with a shy smile on his lips. “If they want to come that is.”

And just like that, Dean felt a whole lot better. “Of course they would want to come,” he said, all excited. He made himself comfortable on the barstool. “You see, we all take turns making dinner on Christmas. This year it so happened to be my turn, but now you’re offering…” he waved his arm, “we’ll move the party here, and I’ll help, since it  _ is _ my turn.”

Cas’s eyes lit up as the smile on his face grew wider. “You and Claire are welcome to spend Christmas Eve here too, Dean,” he said, head bowed down, not able to look straight at him. There was a suspicious blush creeping over his cheeks. Dean found it adorable. 

“It’ll already be Christmas break and I can watch Claire here as much as I can watch her at your place,” Cas went on. “If it’s not a problem for you.”

“No, it’s not a problem at all,” Dean said, his own face slowly heating up. He let out a huff. “It’ll be a nice change. Claire and I always had to spend Christmas Eve on our own, since Anna was never home before eleven.” He sighed. “To her, Christmas Eve was just like any other day.”

Cas tilted his head and frowned lightly. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Nah, it’s fine,” Dean dismissed it. And it really was, for the first time in a long time. “But enough about that. We need to start making some plans.”

Cas’s eyebrows shot up. “Plans?”

“Yes. Like, a menu of some sorts. We can’t let our guests go hungry on Christmas.”

\----------

On the 24th, Dean headed into the office to tie up some loose ends while Cas took Claire to the lake house. Charlie already had the week off, and he himself stopped working at noon when he had finished everything off. His business was closed until after the new year.

He stopped by his place to pack a bag, collect all the presents, and to make sure everything was shut tight. He checked the timer that would make the porch light automatically go on at six to scare people with bad intentions away. He lived in a town with a very low crime rate, but, better be safe than sorry. He wouldn’t be home for the rest of the week.

There was a big smile playing on his lips as he drove to Cas’s. Everyone had happily accepted the invitation to spend Christmas at the lake house. Cas had even taken it a step further. He had invited them to come over at New Year’s Eve as well and had offered them the guest bedrooms on the third floor. That way no one had to drive home drunk. Apart from Charlie and Jo who were planning to go out partying with some friends, everyone else would be there.

As he turned the car into the rural road that lead to the house, he passed the frozen lake and saw two figures gliding on the ice. He didn’t need glasses to see it was Claire and Cas having fun skating.

Shit. He hoped the ice was thick enough for them not to fall through. He immediately scolded himself out for even allowing that thought to cross his mind. He knew Cas better than to think he would jeopardize Claire’s life like that. If he hadn’t been one hundred percent sure it was safe, he wouldn’t allow her near the lake.

He parked the Impala and got out. Over the top of his car, he observed Cas and Claire for a moment. His daughter was already a pretty good skater on her single blade ice skates. They were rentals. Dean didn’t really know if it was a good idea to already buy her a pair since her feet were still growing; she would grow out of them in no time.

With his thick winter jacket wrapped tight around his body to shield it from the arctic wind that bit him in the face, he walked over to the side of the lake.

“Dadddyyyyy,” Claire screamed. She came skating up to him, face flushed from the cold and with a happy glint in her eyes.

“Hey pumpkin.” Dean crouched down to give her a hug, then he looked up at Cas who was right behind her. “You should have told me to bring my skates.”

“I brought them for you,” Cas said. “They’re inside. But, that can wait. Claire said she was hungry and I have a surprise for you two.”

“Oh, a surprise huh?” Dean picked up his daughter and put her on his arm. With Cas by his side, he walked up to the porch where he put her down on the steps and helped her take off her skates. “So, what’s this surprise?”

Cas took a seat next to Claire and unlaced his own skates.“If I tell you, it wouldn’t be a surprise anymore.”

Dean chuckled. “True enough.” He got up with a moan and addressed his daughter. “Go inside, put on your slippers.” He then turned to Cas. “I’m gonna unload the presents.”

Cas stood up as well. “You need help?”

“Sure.” He looked at Cas’s feet. “But you might wanna put on some shoes first.”

\----------

After the presents were taken out of the trunk and were safely put underneath the big tree, they ate some homemade tomato soup, to warm up a bit, with grilled cheese sandwiches on the side.

When the remains of their lunch was cleaned up again, Cas told them to dress warmly. The surprise he had in mind would take place outside.

Dean got more curious by the minute as he stepped into Cas’s cosy blue hybrid car after strapping in Claire on the backseat.

“Where are we going?” Dean couldn’t help but ask, even though he knew well enough his questions would be left unanswered. Cas just had this very mysterious smile on his lips.

Ten minutes later, Cas drove onto the parking lot of what Dean identified as a horse riding centre.

“Look, horsies,” Claire yelled, as a few people on horseback came riding in.

“Yes, I see them,” Dean mumbled. A nasty coil tightened his stomach in knots. “Are we going horseback riding?” Jeez, he hoped not. Not that he didn’t like horses, but liking them and riding them were two different things.

“Not exactly,” Cas replied, much to his relief. Okay, so, that was something, but then what the hell were they doing here?

Cas led them inside the cafeteria where they were welcomed by the owner, who said their ride was already waiting. 

Dean was at a loss. What ride? That soon became clear enough when the owner escorted them out through another door, and Dean caught sight of a beautiful and fully decorated open sleigh, pulled by two black horses.

“Oooooh. Are we going to ride that?” Claire asked, eyes flashing with a lot of enthusiasm.

“That’s the plan.” Cas picked her up and put her in the sleigh. “I thought she might like it,” he said to Dean.

“Like it?” Dean echoed as he climbed into the sleigh after Claire. “Cas, you just made her entire day.”

They made themselves comfortable, Claire between them, with a big checkered blanket draped over their knees.

The owner took a picture and then gave a signal to the man who drove the horses that he was good to go.

It was a wonderful ride, Dean had to admit that much, not that he would tell anyone. The word ‘romantic’ also came to mind. What? With the freshly fallen snow covering the branches of the trees and the bushes, the whole darn landscape looked like a frigging Christmas card. And you know what? He enjoyed the hell out of it.

“I used to do this every year with the Morrison kids,” Cas said. There was some melancholy hidden in his tone of voice. “When they were old enough and started dating, they didn’t need their nanny anymore to supervise them, which is understandable, of course. So, it’s been a while since I did this.”

A tinge of sorrow punched Dean in the chest. It must have been hard for him to be all alone; to have no one he could enjoy this ride with when the kids were all grown up. He decided to be extra grateful for all of this as he silently watched Cas’s profile over the top of Claire’s head. The strong jawline covered with a five o’clock shadow, the aesthetically shaped nose, the unruly bed hair, all made Dean’s desire spike from a little flame to a raging fire. Again, he was faced with the fact of how handsome Cas really was.

As if he sensed he was being checked out, Cas turned his head towards him and hit him with that intense stare of electric blue that was so typical of him. The amazing color of his eyes stood out against the white snowy landscape that smoothly moved by behind him.

Dean’s gaze drifted to Cas’s mouth, and as God was his witness, if Claire hadn’t been there sitting between them, he would have kissed him at that very moment.

He shot Cas a little smile before looking away.

“Thank you for this, Cas. It’s amazing,” he said, trying to relieve some of the tension that was pulsing between them.

“You’re welcome, Dean,” Cas replied, and Dean couldn’t be entirely sure, but he thought he heard a slight quiver in his voice.

\----------

The ride took half an hour. Afterwards, they had some hot chocolate in the cafeteria before heading back home, where they joined efforts in making the preparations for tomorrow’s Christmas dinner; like the soup that could easily be heated up, the starters that had to be served cold, and the hors d'oeuvres and the pies that only had to be put in the oven to bake. Making all of it now would save them a lot of work tomorrow.

Their dinner that night was simple, but festive. For the occasion, they ate at a beautifully decorated table in the dining room, with cheesy Christmas carols playing in the background.

Before Claire went to bed, they hung up their stockings above the fireplace. Claire asked if she could open one present from underneath the tree.

Dean, who had suspected all along she would ask that, was prepared. He gave her a colorful wrapped present.

Claire tore the paper from whatever was inside and was delighted with what she found. It was a pair of pyjamas from ‘Frozen’.

“Oooooooh.” Claire flung her little arms around Dean’s neck. “Thank you daddy. May I wear them tonight?”

“Of course. It’s what they’re for.”

Claire jumped up. “I wanna take a bath now,” she said, while running to the stairs.

Dean rolled his eyes with a shake of his head. It didn’t take a genius to know why she was so eager for bath and bedtime now, all of a sudden.

“When you’re done giving Claire her bath, will you come and get me?” Cas asked.

Dean frowned. “Sure. Why?”

“I have a surprise for her.”

“Another surprise?” Dean chuckled. “You sure are full of surprises today.”

Cas formed a shy smile, but didn’t elaborate. It made Dean roll his eyes yet again, but in a fond kind of way. “I’ll call you,” he said, while following his daughter up the stairs and to the bathroom.

While giving Claire her bath, Dean wrecked his brain with what kind of surprise Cas would come up with now. It was probably a present he wanted to give her.

When Claire was all clean, smelling like a bunch of roses and proudly wearing her new pyjamas, Dean called Cas from the top of the stairs.

“Okay. We’re ready.”

Cas appeared in no time. He lead them to a room next to the guest bedroom Dean and Claire slept in. When he opened the door and turned on the light, Dean honestly gasped for air. It was a toddler's bedroom that came straight out of a little girls dream. Every item in the room was from Claire’s favorite Disney movie. The multi-bin toy organizer, the toddler bed, the table and chair set with storage, the kids upholstered chair, the white plush carpet that covered the hard wooden floor, the bedside table, even the bedside lamp and the sheets on the bed were all from Frozen. The walls were a soft lilac with a flower board in the middle, and a darker shade of lilac curtains with a fine white flower pattern completed the room.

“So, Claire, what do you think? You like it?” Cas asked.

Dean almost rolled his eyes a third time that evening. Did Claire like it? Why was that even a question.

“Is this for me?” Claire sounded very tentative, as if she was afraid to hear the answer and that answer would be ‘no’.

“If you want, yes,” Cas replied.

It was all the confirmation Claire needed. She enthusiastically started to jump up and down. “May I sleep here, daddy? Please?”

“I think that’s the whole plan, sweetheart. But, are you sure you wanna sleep alone?”

“Yes.” Claire nodded adamantly. She ran to the bed. Then, as if something suddenly occurred to her, she turned back around, ran up to Cas and wrapped her arms around his legs. “Thank you nanny Cas.” She looked up to him, beaming so hard Dean figured she could light up an entire city.

“You’re very welcome, Claire.”

Cas and Dean tucked her in together. When she was comfortable, they read her a story until she was sound asleep. Dean plugged in a night lamp and the baby monitor, just in case Claire woke up in the middle of the night and, still half asleep, didn’t know where she was.

“I think you just made my daughter the happiest girl in the world,” Dean said as they went downstairs.

“It was something I came up with a while ago. I figured she needed her own bedroom in case she would ever spend the night here.” Cas huffed a little laugh. “At that time, I didn’t even know if she would ever sleep over.” He plopped down on the couch while Dean took the rest of the bottle of red they had over dinner. He brought it to the living room with two clean wine glasses.

“I would like to thank you, Cas,” he said as he sat down next to him in front of the crackling fireplace. He poured them each a glass.

“For what?”

“For this day, and everything you did.” Dean waved with his glass. “This is the best Christmas Eve I had in...what seems like forever.” He took a sip.

“It was my pleasure, Dean. I’m glad you’re here.”

“I’m glad to be here.”

Again, there was an intense stare shared between them. Dean had to put in a lot of effort to break it. If he didn’t, he would do something incredibly stupid. He knew Cas would never make the first move, but everything in his body language was inviting. 

Dean didn’t know what it was. Maybe it was the shadows of the flames in the fireplace that danced over Cas’s face, and lit up the glint in his eyes, combined with the playful blinking lights in the tree that made for a romantic setting; or maybe, it was just the magic of Christmas Eve. Whatever it was, it made Dean throw all his principles overboard, and give in to the temptation to ever so softly press his lips on Cas’s in a chaste kiss, that left him almost drowning in an endless sea of emotions he never knew existed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hoped you enjoyed this fluffy Christmas chapter. Next update will hopefully follow soon.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early update. Some more Christmas fluff. And Dean finds something out.

 

CAS

 

The kiss came as unexpected as a thunderstorm on a clear summer’s day, and yet...it was inevitable. It was something that had been waiting to happen ever since they first laid eyes on each other.

While Cas knew with every fiber of his being that this was so wrong on so many levels, he welcomed the kiss. He even answered it.

The soft touch of Dean’s lips against his own stirred up a storm of feelings that threatened to overwhelm him. He wanted to freeze this moment in time; wanted to feel what he felt right now for the rest of his days.

Dean released his mouth. He took a shivering breath while looking up. In the faint light of the flames in the fireplace, Cas saw the blush on his cheeks, making his freckles stand out prominently.

“I’m sorry, Cas,” he said, words barely audible and hinting at shame. His eyes darted down. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“Dean, please, don’t.”

Dean’s gaze moved back up to meet his. Cas put the palm of his hand against Dean’s cheek. “Don’t apologize, don’t ruin what was a beautiful moment by apologizing for it.”

A small, crooked smile appeared on Dean’s mouth. “You ehm...you didn’t mind?”

“Of course I didn’t.” He removed his hand from Dean’s cheek. “Maybe it wasn’t right, for obvious reasons, but in the end, it was just a kiss. An amazing kiss, yes, but nevertheless just a kiss.”

“I hope...this doesn’t change anything between us. We’re still friends, right? I would hate to lose your friendship over this.” The fear in Dean’s voice was palpable.

“You will always have me as a friend, Dean, no matter what,” Cas reassured him. He chuckled. “Besides, it’s Christmas Eve. We are allowed one indiscretion.”

Dean let out a little laugh of his own. “At least.”

There was a beat of silence, each lost in their own thoughts, in which Cas tried to process some of what just happened. 

“But, seriously, Cas. Thank you,” Dean was the first one to break it.

“Don’t mention it.” Cas got up. “So how about we play Santa now, and put the rest of Claire’s presents under the tree?” He needed to change the subject, or something to do to get his mind off recent events.

“And fill the stockings, and clean up all the goodies Claire left for Santa and his reindeers,” Dean added. He pushed himself up from the couch as well. “Sounds like a plan.”

It didn’t take them long to get everything organized and ready for the next day before going to bed, separately.

Cas was glad he could retreat to the privacy of his room. Sleep didn’t come easy though, there were a lot of thoughts chaotically whirling inside his brain. He tried to make sense of them.

Dean had come to his senses just in the nick of time. Cas couldn’t help but think what would have happened if Dean hadn’t. They would have most likely ended up in the bedroom. And while Cas was sure that the sex would have been all sorts of amazing, the guilt that would have come with the first morning light was a price too high to pay. Their friendship would be ruined, and for what exactly? For one night of passion? No, it really wasn’t worth it.

The kiss had left him hard and, yes, he had noticed the bulge in Dean’s pants too. His cock had gone down while filling the stockings, but became fully erect again now as he replayed the kiss over and over in his mind.

With a sigh he slid his hand under the covers and cupped his dick. He rubbed it through the fabric of his pajama pants and boxers. Tiny sparks of pleasure rippled through his body, even with two layers of synthetic material separating his hand from his cock.

He threw off the covers, pulled out his pajama top, and pushed down the pants to fully free his erection. With lazy strokes he started to please himself, fantasizing about fucking Dean, or Dean fucking him.

With every stroke up, his thumb brushed over the tip of his cock, catching up the precome pearling there. He could easily imagine it was Dean’s tongue, and the warmth of his hand wrapped around his dick was Dean’s mouth.

His movements became more erratic as the warmth of an imminent orgasm pooled in his belly, ready to explode. He tried to hold it back as long as he could to make the pleasure last longer, until it was impossible. With a restrained moan he came, sticky release soiling his hand and dripping onto his belly.

Totally relaxed, he took a few moments to relish in the afterglow of post orgasmic bliss, until the sweat on his body dried up and goosebumps appeared on his flesh from the cold.

He reached for his payama top to wipe away the semen before getting out of bed. He took a fresh pair of payamas and boxers, and then padded to the adjoining bathroom to further clean up the lower parts of his body with a warm wet washcloth.

Afterwards, he had less trouble falling asleep, even though he couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss. He was glad they had at least talked about it, sort of, and decided not to let it happen again. It would be easier said than done. Now that he knew what Dean’s lips tasted like, he wanted more...so much more.

No! He could not allow these thoughts. It was a one time thing, and while it was amazing, it had to end here.

\----------

The blaring of his alarm clock pulled Cas from his sleep at 6.30 in the morning. He reached out his hand and slammed it shut. 

He stared up at the ceiling as one by one his senses came back online. Slowly the events of last night entered his mind. The kiss. His lips started tingling again at the sheer memory of it, proving that it hadn’t been just a dream; it really happened. He hoped things wouldn’t be very awkward between him and Dean now.

With a sigh he got out of bed, put on his robe and slippers, and darted downstairs. He turned on the heat and poked up the smoldering cinders in the fireplace.

Half an hour later, while he had just finished preparing the eggnog, a very excited Claire came downstairs, followed by a smiling Dean. 

“Santa has been, Santa has been,” Claire yelled. She ran over to the tree and plopped down in front of it. “Ooooh, look daddy, Santa liked the treats I left for him.”

“He sure did,” Dean said. He turned to Cas. “Morning Cas.”

“Morning.” There was some tension, but it wasn’t bad. In the look Dean gave him, he saw that he wasn’t going to pretend that what happened, didn’t happen. The acknowledgement was clear in his eyes. Cas was glad for that; denying it wouldn’t get them anywhere.

Claire was allowed to open the presents from Santa, but only those. The rest had to wait until after dinner.

She got some toys and games she had asked for, nothing too expensive, and in her stocking she found an orange, some of her favorite candy, a sparkly hair clip, some small tubes of toiletries for kids, sugar free toothpaste from ‘Frozen’, and of course a matching toothbrush. She was delighted with everything.

\----------

The guests arrived at four, with arms full of presents, and Claire just had to show each of them her new bedroom before they were allowed to do anything else. Every time someone told Cas what a nice thing this was of him to do for Claire, his face heated up. He often glanced at Dean, who was looking at him like a proud boyfriend whenever he got another compliment. It only made the redness on his cheeks worse.

They worked together as a well oiled machine in serving dinner, and everyone helped clean up afterwards before they all plopped down on the couch, stuffed full and fully satisfied. 

It was time to open the presents. They had drawn names and exchanged lists for that, so no one would end up with something useless. 

Naturally, Claire got something from everyone. Cas was glad the pair of her own skates that he bought her were very well received with a tight hug, but it was the children’s earrings she found in Charlie and Jo’s present that excited her the most.

“Ooooh, now I  _ have _ to get my ears pierced, right daddy?”

Cas chuckled as Dean rolled his eyes. Claire had said so many times she wanted to have her ears pierced, but Dean had always told her she had to wait until she was six.

“I guess I don’t have any choice in the matter anymore,” he said with a sigh.

Cas saw he had some reservations about the whole thing. Probably because he knew it was gonna hurt a bit, and the last thing he wanted to do was to cause his daughter pain on purpose. 

They were interrupted by the Led Zeppelin song from Dean’s phone. “It’s Anna,” he said after looking at the caller ID. He got up from the couch while answering, and then waved Claire over so she could talk to her mom. They went into the study for that.

“Well, at least she called,” Ellen said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. It was obvious Anna wasn’t her favorite person.

“I don’t understand why Dean is still putting up with her. She’s never around for him or for Claire,” Charlie wondered.

It was Sam who answered that question. “Dean’s afraid to lose Claire if he files for a divorce. He also doesn’t wanna put her in the middle of a nasty custody battle.”

“Why would she fight it?” Jo asked. “I mean, she doesn’t care about Claire at all. I would think she would be glad to be rid of her.”

“Anna hates losing,” Ellen deadpanned. “If only Dean could prove she’s cheating.”

A joint gasp rippled through the room. Ellen looked around at each of them. “Oh, come on. We all know that she isn’t alone in Paris, and Dean knows it too, he’s just denying it. Do you honestly think Anna called because she cares? No. She called out of obligation.”

Cas knew they were right about all of it. He had wondered the same things and had come to the same conclusions. 

They dropped the subject when Dean and Claire came out of the study about ten minutes later. Really? That’s how much time Anna had to spare on Christmas? Ten lousy minutes?

Dean had a grim look on his face. The smile on his lips was forced and didn’t reach his eyes. He told Claire to say goodnight to everyone so he could give her a bath and put her to bed.

Cas wanted to go after him to ask what was wrong, but decided against it. Maybe it was best to let Dean take a few moments to collect himself from whatever had upset him. He made the right call. When Dean came back down half an hour later, he looked less troubled, but the smile on his mouth was still not genuine. Cas noticed he had a hard time putting it there. He tried to take part in the conversation, but it was obvious his mind was often elsewhere.

It was close to midnight when the animated talk and the laughter dwindled. Ellen was the first one who decided it was time for bed, soon followed by the rest. Cas showed them the guest bedrooms on the third floor he had made ready for them earlier today. Unlike the rooms on the second floor, these ones didn’t each have a seperate bathroom. They had to share the one at the end of the hall. He had put down a whole bunch of fluffy clean towels there for them to use.

When he came back downstairs, he found Dean in the kitchen, rinsing off the glasses and the bowls that had contained the snacks. He stockpiled it all in the dishwasher.

“You wanna talk about it?” Cas said after observing him for a few seconds.

Dean shrugged without turning around. He looked over his shoulder. “About what?” He put a tablet in the dishwasher and started it.

“About what’s eating you.”

“Oh, that.” Dean let out a chuckle that sounded so bitter Cas could almost taste it. He did turn to him now. “Anna’s cheating on me.”

Cas blinked. “I’m...sorry.”

Another disgruntled little laugh sounded through the kitchen. “Why? You didn’t do anything wrong. You don’t even sound that surprised. You know something I don’t?”

“No, Dean. How can you even think that?”

“I’m…” Dean rubbed his eyes with thumb and index finger. “I’m sorry, man. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No, that’s okay, I know you didn’t.” Cas waved his arm. Dean was just lashing out; he was venting, which was only normal in a situation like this. “So, ehm, how did you find out,” he then asked.

“When Claire had some facetime with her mom I saw someone passing behind her. It happened fast, but it was clearly a man.”

“Maybe she had guests over?”

Dean’s eyebrows shot up. “Dressed in a bathrobe, Cas?”

“Ehm, well, it is seven hours later in Paris. Maybe the guests she invited slept over and one just came to get some water or something?”

“In her bedroom?”

This took Cas by surprise. He tried to offer some reasonable explanation for what Dean saw, but there was no reasonable explanation for a male dressed in a bathrobe walking around in Anna’s bedroom.

“Are you sure she was in her bedroom?”

“Yes, Cas, I’m sure,” Dean said with a tired sigh. He bowed his head. “It sure explains the watch.”

Cas frowned. “What watch?” He clearly missed something.

“Oh, I didn’t tell you?”

“No.”

“Before Anna sprung the news on me she was leaving for Paris for, oh well, four months or so, and wouldn’t be home for the holidays, she gave me this very expensive rolex as a ‘late’ birthday and ‘early’ Christmas present. She probably gave it to me out of guilt. That’s why I never wear it. I don’t want it.”

Cas almost choked. A Rolex? Talk about expensive. 

“I’m planning to sell it and put the money into Claire’s college fund,” Dean went on. He looked at him. “What do you think?”

“I think that’s a good idea,” Cas nodded in agreement.

The only sound that cut through the silence that stretched out between them after that, was the steady humming of the dishwasher. Cas was wondering what Dean’s next move was now that he had undeniable proof Anna was cheating. Was he going to try to fix his marriage. or was he going to take drastic measures and file for a divorce? 

As if Dean just read his mind he said: “The first thing I’m gonna do when Anna’s back, is talk to her. I can’t do that over the phone.” He huffed. “This marriage has been over for quite some time, I know that now. I think it’s time to make it official and hope we can settle it peacefully. One thing’s for sure, I won’t let her take Claire. I can’t lose her.” There was so much sadness, but also determination hidden in those words, it almost broke Cas’s heart.

Dean glanced at the clock. “But for now, I think it’s time for bed. It’s one already. In six hours ‘princess Elsa’ is gonna show up in the bedroom.”

Cas chuckled as he followed Dean up the stairs, turning off the lights as he went. “She went to bed pretty late, maybe she’ll sleep longer now,” he said.

“Wishful thinking, Cas,” Dean replied with a laugh. “We both know Claire better than that.”

They dawdled in front of their bedroom doors. It was hard for Cas not to walk up to Dean and pull him into a comforting hug. It wasn’t wise to give in to that urge, no matter how much he wanted it. For one second, Cas thought Dean was going to walk over to him instead, and he knew for sure he wasn’t going to stop him if he did.

“Goodnight Dean,” he said, before doing something they would both regret, and disappeared into his room.

With his eyes closed, he leaned against the door, breathing heavily. How the hell was he going to survive another week with Dean here, without falling into his arms and ending up in the bedroom? He honestly didn’t know, but it was high time he figured it out.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last of the Christmas/New Years fluff. It's back to reality next time with a tiny bit of angst.
> 
> Updates are back to once every two weeks. I have to give that other WIP some attention and on top of that, I'm sick. Sore throat, my ear aches, and everything hurts. Basically, I feel like crap.

 

DEAN

 

Apart from the fact Dean had found out Anna was cheating on him, something he had suspected all along but had always denied for his own sanity, this Christmas had been the best in years.

Cas had made his guests brunch the next day, after which they had driven home. Except for Charlie and Jo, they all would be back on New Year’s Eve, something Dean was looking forward to. 

Dean still had a gift for Cas. He wanted to give it to him on Christmas Eve, but then that kiss happened...and everything else had disappeared to the back of his mind. It was when he had been laying in bed later that night after a jerk off session in the shower - that kiss had given him a raging hard on - that he remembered. 

He didn’t want to give Cas his present with everyone else around. Not that it was a big secret or anything, it wasn’t even that personal, he just wanted it to be a private moment shared between just the two of them. He decided not to stress about it too much and go with the flow. He would know when the time was right.

The days he and Claire spent with Cas at the lakehouse this holiday season were nothing short of pretty awesome. Again it hit him that this is what he really wanted; needed even. In order for him to have this, he had to file for a divorce, there was no other way. It wasn’t because Anna cheated on him that he had to do it too. He didn’t know how long he was going to be able to restrain himself though, not now that he had kissed Cas, and all those wonderful but complicated emotions it had kicked to life.

He had lost count of the number of times he had replayed that kiss in his mind. Not an hour went by without him thinking about it. Then he often caught himself staring at Cas with what must be a lot of desire in his eyes. He didn’t even try to hide it anymore. Cas knew exactly how he felt.

“Daddy, hurry up,” Claire yelled, pulling him out of his thoughts. She was already on the ice with Cas, (she just had to try out her new skates, go figure) while he was still sitting on the porch steps putting on his. He had really zoned out there for a second.

“I’m coming,” he yelled back, pushing himself up and padding to the lake. He had only taken a few steps on the ice when a giggle from Claire sounded, followed by something that could only be a snowball hitting him in the back.

“Hey!” He whirled around and was hit again by a ball of snow that splashed apart against his chest. This one came from Cas.

He squinted. “Two against one huh?” he said, quasi appalled by the uneven fight. “You are so on.” He skated to the edge of the lake and scooped up a handful of snow which he formed into a ball, and then threw it at Cas.

Soon they were engaged in a real snowball fight, with their joyful laughter filling the frosty air. It bounced off the snow covered trees, and got lost in the seemingly endless woods. 

They were careful not to hurt Claire with solid formed balls. When they threw something at her, it was more like loose powder snow.

Dean was collecting some snow when something cold and wet on the back of his neck made him gasp for air. “Aahhhh.” He reached to brush it away, but couldn’t prevent some of the melted snow seeping behind his collar and running over his naked back. In an effort to get rid of the tingling, itchy feeling, he shrugged, lost his balance and landed on his ass.

Cas, who was standing in front of him and was responsible for the whole thing, exploded in laughter.

“Oh, so, you think that’s funny, huh?”

“Yes, I think it is,” Cas said, still grinning wide. He wiped something away from the corners of his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Are you?”

“No.” He reached out his hand. “But let me help you up anyway.”

Dean took it, tugged and made Cas land on top of him with a big ‘oomph’. He realized his mistake when he looked straight into Cas’s mischievous glistening eyes, that were as blue as the clear sky above him. Cas’s warm breath caressed his face. He smelled like peppermint and the fresh scent of clean air, an exhilarating mixture that made his cock perk up.

A lifetime of conversations were made in that one moment they intensely stared into each other’s eyes. They were so damn close. Dean swore he caught a glimpse of Cas’s soul, and what he saw was beautiful, but also so weird, for he thought he had just found a lost piece of himself.

It was Claire who broke the magic moment between them by letting herself fall onto Cas’s back, giggling and screaming.

“Okay guys, get off of me, you’re getting heavy,” Dean grunted.

They all got up, and while brushing away the snow from their clothes, they agreed to go inside. It was time for lunch anyway, and afterwards Claire was going to get her ears pierced. 

\----------

The first ear was easy, probably because Claire didn’t know what to expect, or that it would hurt. It took a lot of convincing, a few tears, and the promise of a big bowl of ice cream to have her second ear done.

This, this was exactly why Dean wanted her to wait until she was six. What the hell were Charlie and Jo thinking giving her those earrings?

He voiced his thoughts out loud.

“And you think it’s gonna hurt less when she’s six, Dean?” Cas said.

“Well, ehm…”

“Well, it won’t.” Cas put Claire in his lap. He pressed the side of her head with the already pierced ear against his chest, and held her still while speaking soft words of comfort.

Dean cringed at the sound of the second shot and the little whine that left Claire’s lips. It wasn’t nearly as bad as the first time though. 

Fifteen minutes later, the pain was all but forgotten. Claire proudly showed her earrings while feasting on the big bowl of ice cream she was promised.

Dean suppressed a shiver watching her. How she could eat ice cream while it was so cold outside was beyond him. He preferred warm apple pie on icy days like today. It was fucking freezing outside.

\----------

Later that evening, when Claire was down for the night, Dean made some hot chocolate. They were enjoying it in front of the fireplace with the TV softly playing in the background, when Dean thought that now was the time. 

“I...eh...I still have to give you your present, Cas,” he said.

Cas looked up. “Oh?” Then he chuckled. “And I still have to give you yours.” He pushed himself up from the soft carpet they were sitting on. “Hang on, I’ll go get it.” He padded out of the room.

Dean took the opportunity to get his own present for Cas that he had stashed away. 

They were both back at practically the same time, resuming their place in front of the fire, and acting a bit clumsy, as if they were embarrassed they had gotten each other a gift. It was ridiculous. There was nothing wrong with exchanging presents for Christmas, what the hell?

“Here you go,” he said, handing Cas his gift.

While Cas was removing the colorful paper the present was wrapped with, Dean started rambling.

“I ehm, kinda snuck around in your bathroom to see what scent you use. You always smell so good.” He huffed an awkward little laugh, not believing he just admitted to that. “Anyway,” he quickly went on, “when I found it, I noticed you almost ran out of it, so…” he waved his arm, “I hope you like it.”

Cas shot him a radiant smile while revealing a box with a Hugo Boss scent. “Yes, Dean, I like it very much. This is my favorite fragrance. Thank you.”

He put the box aside and then gave Dean a medium sized square package, wrapped with red paper and a golden bow.

Dean had no idea what it could be, and while it was beautiful, he frowned slightly when he pulled a pyramid shaped rose quartz crystal out of the box.

“It promotes peace, art and love in your life,” Cas explained. “The instructions on how to clean and recharge it are in there. I suggest to do it once a month.”

“Oh.” It all made more sense now. It was such a lovely and thoughtful gift it almost brought tears to his eyes. This was so very much Cas, and dammit, he wanted to kiss him right now. It took every ounce of self control he could dig up not to do it.

“Thanks, Cas. This is gonna get a very special place in my house.”

“I’m glad you like it.”

“Why wouldn’t I like it? It’s beautiful and it comes from you. What’s there not to like about that?” He casually took a sip and watched over the brim of his mug how Cas shyly cocked his head, with a faint smile gracing his lips.

\----------

The days between Christmas and New Year’s Eve were filled with long walks in the snow with the sledge Claire had gotten from Ellen and Bobby, cuddles on the couch underneath a blanket watching cartoons with Claire, and intimate private conversations in front of the fireplace at night.

The self restraint they both conjured up amazed Dean. He knew Cas wouldn’t break so easy, he was more worried about himself. If he gave in and kissed Cas a second time, he was sure they wouldn’t leave it at that. Strange as it sounded, but it was that, that kept Dean from doing it. The ramifications would be devastating. It would most likely destroy everything they had built up so far, and that scared the shit out of him. He couldn’t lose Cas, and if that meant he had to keep his hands to himself and resort to jerk off sessions every goddamn night, then so be it.

\----------

They whipped up another awesome tasting dinner on New Year’s Eve for their guests. 

Claire was allowed to stay up just this once after Dean had given her a bath and put her into her pajamas from ‘Frozen’. She fell asleep on her memory foam nap mat from her favorite Disney movie that she had gotten from Sam and Eileen, soon after she had dessert though. 

Dean gently picked her up and put her in the study where she would rest easier, away from the noise of murmuring adults.

They were still sitting at the table with coffee or another drink of their choice, snacking on cookies or a piece of dessert, when Dean couldn’t hold it any longer. He didn’t mean to bring it up right now, but he just had to know.

“So, Sam, you’re a lawyer, right?”

Everyone exploded in laughter. Well, it  _ was _ a pretty dumb thing to say because, duh?

“Last time I checked, I’m  _ still _ a lawyer, yes Dean,” Sam said, amused.

“I just...I’m eh, want to know what the chances are of getting custody of Claire if I divorce Anna.”

The silence that fell was deafening. Okay, this might not be the right topic to talk about on New Year’s Eve, but now that he had made up his mind about Anna and his whole marriage, he needed to know. He needed Sam to give him some peace of mind regarding Claire.

Bobby was the first one to speak. “Bout time you idjit got your damn head out of your ass.”

Dean blinked rapidly. “Was it that obvious that my marriage was in trouble?”

“Hell, boy, you could have worn a sign.” Bobby rolled his eyes. “We all saw you ain’t happy.”

Everyone nodded in agreement. It surprised Dean. He always thought he hid it very well how much it bothered him that Anna was never around.

“I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw you at Thanksgiving,” Ellen said. “You were happier and more relaxed than I had seen you in a long time.” She pointed her wineglass at Cas. “And he’s got something to do with it.”

Dean looked at Cas, who was sitting beside him. His face displayed all shades of red. It was always so fucking adorable when he blushed like that. “Yeah, Cas has been a great help,” he said, smiling fondly.

“It’s more than that,” Bobby grumbled under his breath.

“Ehm, about Claire,” Sam quickly steered the conversation away from  _ that _ subject.  _ Thank you Sammy. _ “I advise you to file a no-fault, uncontested divorce with an agreement an attorney has reviewed. It’s the quickest way and in this state, you don’t even have to go to court for that. It saves a lot of money on legal fees and a bunch of stress. It does mean you have to convince Anna to give you full custody though.”

“What if she refuses?”

“Then you have to prove she’s a bad mother, which is not very hard to do, considering she left her child alone for so long.”

Dean ran a hand through his hair. “Would her cheating on me be enough?”

Sam raised his brows. “Is she?” He took a sip from his coffee.

Dean looked around the table at his friends. Should he tell them? Ah well, why not. They suspected it anyway. “Yes.”

“I knew it,” Eileen said while making the accompanying sign for it.

“We all did,” Ellen chimed in.

Dean lowered his head. “I have the feeling I failed her,” he admitted. He plucked at the side of his thumb. 

It was hard to talk about his feelings like this. The champagne and the wine he already had did help him to open up. He doubted he would say anything about it in a completely sober state.

“Don’t you dare put the blame on yourself, boy,” Ellen scolded. “Anna should be fucking grateful to have you. You’re a great man and a great father.” She nodded at Cas. “Cas can attest to that.”

“You are, Dean,” Cas agreed with Ellen. He bumped his knee under the table against his and let it rest there. Dean took comfort in the touch. It grounded him, and supported him that the decision to file for a divorce was the right thing to do.

Sam cleared his throat. “So, ehm, you’ll have to talk to Anna, and in the meantime I suggest you get some proof of her cheating on you, just in case.”

“Yeah.” Dean huffed out a laugh, thinking how much of a hypocrite he was trying to catch Anna cheating on him, while he had been very close to cheating on her numerous times.

“I don’t know if any of you idjits have noticed, but it’s almost twelve,” Bobby got everyone's attention.

Dean glanced at the clock. “Oh well, what do you know.” He was glad they could drop this conversation, even thought he was the one who had brought it up in the first place. He jumped up from his chair. “I’m gonna check on Claire.”

Claire was still sound asleep. Dean didn’t wake her. It was best to let her be. He checked the baby monitor and then quietly left the study on his toes, gently closing the door behind him. No, he wasn’t going to let Anna take his daughter, not in a million years, and if that meant he had to fight tooth and nail or stay in his loveless marriage, then that was a price he was willing to pay.

He was back in the living room just in time to participate in the countdown led by Sam. At the stroke of twelve, everyone wished each other a happy, healthy, successful or whatever new year.

Dean hugged Cas tightly. He even pressed a swift kiss on his cheek, not caring what the rest might think of it. What harm was there in giving the guy he considered his best friend a very platonic kiss on the cheek? He had always found it extremely ridiculous men weren’t supposed to do that. Fuck them. There was nothing wrong with it.

Dean went over to the kitchen to get some more drinks. He looked up at a buzz from a cell phone laying on the counter. He immediately recognized it as Cas’s.

Curiosity got the better of him. He licked his lips and glanced over at the living room to make sure no one would see him taking a peek.

He tilted his head and saw there was a text from someone named Balthazar. It read: ‘Happy New Year, Cassie. Looking forward to seeing you soon.’

A very nasty coil of jealousy tightened in his chest, and made it hard to breathe. Who the hell was this Balthazar person? Then he remembered Cas saying something about a friend living in France. But...wait a minute, New Year had already passed there, so why didn’t he text earlier?

Dean’s head was spinning thinking about it. Maybe this ‘friend’ waited until the new year was a fact here too. It  _ was _ possible. He shouldn’t be so paranoid. Well, one thing was for sure, he wasn’t going to let anyone come between him and Cas, he was gonna make sure of that, or die trying. This Balthazar person better stay in France if he knew what was good for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Thanks for reading.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, we're going to find out Balthazar is a real asshole. 
> 
> Next chapter is Dean's birthday chapter and I will put that up on Dean's birthday, obviously.

 

CAS

 

“I don’t understand, Cas. Why can’t Claire and I stay another night and then you can come home with us tomorrow?”

They were taking down the tree and storing away all the Christmas decorations. Cas hated this. The holiday season was his favorite part of the year. He always looked forward to it, and when it was over, he was hit with so much melancholy he could cry. It was worse this time around, probably because he had never had a more amazing Christmas than this one.

He folded another box closed while replying to Dean’s question. “Because you need to spend some alone time with Claire before school starts on Monday, and you have to go back to work. You guys don’t have to miss me for long. I’ll be there tomorrow evening.”

“Yeah, but still,...” Dean said around a sigh. “I’m gonna miss this place. I mean, the past twelve days I spent here with you were awesome.”

“This place isn’t going anywhere, Dean. You and Claire are always welcome here.” Cas picked up the box and put it with the others. “I can watch Claire here on school holidays, if you don’t mind getting up fifteen minutes earlier to get to the office in time,” he then suggested on an impulse.

Dean raised his eyebrows and then threw his head back and laughed. “I own the office, Cas. No one is gonna hold it against me when I’m late. It’s one of the perks of being your own boss. You don’t have to answer to anyone.” He narrowed his eyes. “Are you serious though?”

Cas looked up. “About what? About watching Claire here on school breaks?”

“Yes.”

“Of course I’m serious. But only if you both want to.”

“Why wouldn’t we? I already told you I love it here, and I’m sure Claire wants to spend some more time in her ‘Frozen’ bedroom.”

Cas put a smile on his lips. “I think it’s settled then. You guys come over here on school breaks, and I’m a live in nanny on regular days.” He nodded his head. “I like this arrangement.” He picked up two boxes and brought them to the storage room, with Dean on his heels carrying two more.

\----------

Dean and Claire left, however reluctantly, soon after lunch. Cas watched after the Impala as it drove away through the snow, until the taillights were no longer visible. 

Shivering from the cold, since he didn’t bother to put on a jacket as he had seen them out, he quickly went back inside.

A big sigh passed over his lips as he looked around. The past twelve days, his place had been filled with laughter and the running of little feet. Now it was quiet; too quiet. Some of the cosy warmth was gone. Maybe it had been a mistake to make Dean and Claire leave today; maybe he should have let them stay another night and go with them tomorrow. He already missed them so much it almost caused him physical pain. It was pretty strange. He always loved time on his own with no one else around, but now...he could barely stand the silence.

The noise his cell phone made as an indication of an incoming call, made him almost jump out of his skin. He snatched the device from the counter and frowned at the caller ID. Balthazar?

With a slightly surprised “yes?” he answered the call.

“Cassie!!! Happy New Year...again,” Balthazar’s animated British accented voice said in his ear. “Are you free for dinner tonight?”

Cas was caught completely off guard. Wasn’t Balthazar supposed to be in France?

“Balth? Are you back in the country?”

“I thought you would have already figured that out when I sent you that text at midnight on New Year's Day,” Balthazar deadpanned. “Don’t tell me you didn’t get it.”

“Oh, I got it, I just didn’t pay much attention to the time it was sent. When did you get back?”

“My plane landed on New Year’s Eve. I had a splitting headache and a serious case of jet-lag, so, other than that text, I didn’t want to bother you. Since I suspected you were on nanny duty, and I was pretty much in a comatose state the following days, I didn’t want to disturb you then either. But, now I’m fully recovered and it’s the weekend. Surely you’re not on nanny duty now, right? So, dinner tonight?”

Cas had a hard time following the flood of words coming out of Balthazar’s mouth. What it came down to was that Balth was back, and was inviting him to go out for dinner.  _ Shit. _

“Cassie? You still there?” Balthazar asked when Cas took his time to answer.

“Yes.”

“Yes to dinner tonight?”

“I’m…” Oh, what the hell, why not? He wasn’t doing anything wrong having dinner with an old friend. “Sure. When and where?”

They agreed to meet up at their usual restaurant in town. It was a cosy Italian place they always went to when Balth was back in the country.

After the call, Cas fell into the recliner, already regretting his decision. He ran both hands over his face. There was a reason that this was a very bad idea.

Give or take ten years ago, Cas had fallen head over heels in love with a very distinguished Frenchman with aristocratic roots, who was about twelve years older than him. After being in an overtly sexual relationship for over a year, Balthazar moved back to France permanently, and ended their affair. Long distance relationships never work, according to him. It might be months before he could come over for a visit, and he didn’t want to go without sex for so long. They decided to stay friends, but Cas’s heart was broken. It took him a very long time to piece it back together again.

The first time Balthazar came back, they ended up in bed together. That’s how they became friends with benefits. Cas’s feelings for him were dead and buried, but he had his needs, and having sex with a friend was better than getting fucked or having his dick sucked by a stranger in some bar.

Now Balth was back again, and he probably expected Cas to stay the night, it had never been any other way; they always ended up having sex. But things were different this time. Cas was in love with Dean and if his instincts were right, Dean felt the same way. That kiss on Christmas Eve was proof enough of that.

_ Damn it. _ Cas needed to set the record straight and tell Balthazar their friends with benefits days were over. He could do that tonight. Hmmm, perhaps this dinner wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

\----------

The first thing Cas became aware of when he drifted back to the land of the living was a band marching through his skull, and it was fucking loud. He pried his eyes open and squinted against the brightness of the room. The light that pierced through his eyes only made his headache worse.

It took him a second or two to realize that this wasn’t his room and this wasn’t his bed, and that he was fully naked.

Wait. WHAT? He had never turned onto his back faster in his life, and he then grabbed his head with both hands while moaning loudly.  _ Shit. _ It was like someone hit him with a sledgehammer.

“Morning Cassie,” a familiar voice said beside him.

_ Oh no. No, no, no, no, NO! _ Cas scrambled up and saw Balthazar sitting against the headboard, feasting on a bunch of white grapes. At least his lower body parts were covered with the black satin sheets.

“Where am I?” Cas croaked out. His voice was so hoarse he hardly recognized it as his own. “How the hell did I get here?”

Balthazar frowned at him while chewing. He swallowed the grape away. “You don’t remember? Well, you were pretty out of it.” He put another grape in his mouth.

“I’m…” Cas could not believe this was real. This had to be some nightmare.

“Don’t worry, nothing happened,” Balthazar said with a sigh. “We didn’t fuck.”

Balthazar was telling the truth. The guy never bottomed, like ever. If he had fucked Cas, Cas would have been sore as hell. It had been a while since he last had a dick up his ass.

“I know.”

“Oh, so, you  _ do _ remember?”

“No, I don’t, but I would have known if we had.”

He looked around the room and when he spotted his boxers, he jumped out of bed and hastily put them on.

“Come on, Cassie, don’t be like that. We can still do it,” Balthazar whined.

“I may not remember how I got here, but I do remember telling you last night our friends with benefits days are over. So, no, we cannot still do it,” Cas snapped. He searched for his shirt and pulled it on over his head.

“Why not? Because of this Dean guy?”

“Yes,” Cas said, leaning against the wall for balance as he put on his grey pair of socks.

Balthazar rolled his eyes. “That doesn’t make any sense. He’s not even divorced yet, and you’re not in a relationship with him. It’s not like you’re cheating on him if we do fuck.”

“It would feel like cheating to me. Besides, I’m not interested.”

“Jesus Christ, Cassie.” Balthazar ran a hand through his hair. “You’re living in a fucking romance novel.”

“Well, it’s  _ my _ life, stay out of it.” Cas snatched his wool lined soft suede jacket from the chair. “Is my car still at the restaurant’s parking lot?”

“Yes, we took a cab. It’s not far. Just around the corner.”

Cas shrugged on the coat. “Thank you.” He walked to the door, and was about to leave when Balthazar stopped him.

“Can we at least still be friends? Just, without the sex part?”

Cas blinked. “After the stunt you pulled? After you undressed me and put me in your bed, naked? I think it’s best we stop seeing each other.”

“Well, what was I supposed to do with you?”

“How about booking me a room and leaving my clothes on, for one?”

“Where’s the fun in that? It was just a joke, come on.”

“Do you see me laughing?” Cas didn’t wait for an answer, he just left, slamming the door shut as he went.

The cold winter air hit him hard in the face when he left the hotel. He looked around, and immediately recognized the area. Balth wasn’t lying. The restaurant wasn’t very far from here.

He put his hands in his pockets and started walking. Maybe this little stroll would sober him up some more. It was also a good opportunity to collect his thoughts, they were all over the place.

A sliver of guilt bubbled up from deep inside of him. He pushed it back down. There was nothing to feel guilty about, because of the simple fact that nothing had happened. And yet…

_ God dammit.  _ This was such a mess. Why? Why did he drink so much? He knew he had to be careful with wine.

He reached the parking lot, and was glad his blue hybrid car was still there where he left it last night. 

While driving home, he contemplated whether he should tell Dean about this whole thing. He didn’t know because, well, why would he? Balth was right about one thing, he and Dean weren’t in a relationship or anything, and therefore didn’t owe each other any explanations. What they did in their free time was their business, and theirs alone. 

If only it were that simple.

\----------

Dean didn’t ask him what he did that Saturday after he and Claire had left, and therefore Cas didn’t mention it. Some things were better left alone. Besides, there were other things on his mind, like throwing Dean a surprise birthday party. He would turn forty on the 24th, and that milestone had to be celebrated. 

Since the 24th was a weekday, Cas decided to host the party the Saturday after, at the lakehouse. He called in the help of Charlie, by asking her if there were people other than the usual suspects who should be there.

Charlie gave him the addresses of Benny and Garth, two of Dean’s friends, and advised him to invite Dean’s closest neighbours as well.

Cas worked hard to get the invitations out in time, and even added a little map with directions on how to get to his place.

Meanwhile, Balthazar didn’t stop bothering him. He called often, trying to convince Cas to give him another chance. Just friends, nothing more. Yeah, right.

Cas was so glad he had never given Balthazar the address of the lakehouse. At one point he had told him in an email he had moved there, but that was about it. Thank God for that. The last thing he needed was Balth to show up on his doorstep. He hoped he would go back to France soon. As far as Cas was concerned their friendship was over, and Balthazar only had himself to blame for that. 

Other than that, life went on as usual. Cas took Claire to school, did some grocery shopping afterwards, cooked, cleaned, did the laundry, folded it and put it away, and then picked Claire back up again. 

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, he took her ice skating right after school. It was amazing how much progress she had made since her first steps on the ice, and she was getting better every time. 

The sexual tension between him and Dean didn’t get better. If anything, it got worse, especially at night when Claire was asleep and they were relaxing on the couch. It more than often drove Cas insane. It wasn’t easy to keep his distance, just like he knew and felt it wasn’t easy for Dean either. The look he sometimes detected in the green of his eyes said as much. Dean wouldn’t try anything though, despite it all, or not until he had at least talked to Anna and the divorce papers were served. After that, all bets were off.

An excited shiver ran down his spine at the prospect of the things that would happen when that day finally came. It was best not to think about it too much, or he would lose all control and jump Dean’s bones. And Dean? Well, he wouldn’t mind at all, he was as sure of that like he was sure the sun came up in the East every morning at dawn. Dean might not initiate anything, but he wouldn’t stop Cas if Cas came onto him.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, a birthday chapter on Dean's birthday. Enjoy.

 

DEAN

 

Dean was brutally awakened by his daughter, who jumped onto his bed screaming: “Happy bidday daddyyyy!”

“Wow.” Dean pushed himself up. He squinted against the light that had been turned on. Then he noticed Cas standing in the doorway, a smile from ear to ear plastered on his mouth, and in his hands a bed tray table with what looked like breakfast. “Happy birthday Dean,” he said as he entered the room. 

Dean watched Cas with wide eyes, as he put the tray down for a second to pile up a lot of pillows behind his back so he would be comfortable. Then the bed tray table was put over his legs.

There was fresh orange juice on it, coffee, crispy baked bacon just the way Dean liked it, scrambled eggs, toast, and croissants that were still lukewarm as they came fresh out of the oven. Dean’s mouth began to water from the smell that rose up from them.

He swallowed around a big lump of emotions that got stuck in his throat. No one had ever done this for him; no one, yet Cas did. It rendered him speechless.

“Cas...I....I don’t know what to say,” he finally managed to force out, voice trembling with contained tears over this very sweet gesture.

“You don’t have to say anything, Dean. It’s your birthday, and it’s an important one. Now, eat.” He turned to leave the room.

“Hey Cas,” Dean stopped him.

Cas whirled back around. “Yes?”

“Why don’t you join me?”

The words were out of his mouth before he realized how that sounded. Shit.

He noticed how a pinkish color crawled from Cas’s neck to his cheeks, flushing his entire face.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to get into bed with you, Dean,” he said in a low voice.

Dean ran a hand over his head. “I’m sorry. That...that came out wrong. I mean, we can put the tray on the table over there and…”

“No, Dean,” Cas interrupted him. He shot him a smile. “I know what you meant and thank you for offering, but it’s your birthday and you deserve this. Besides, Claire and I have already eaten.” He pointed at the tray. “You enjoy your breakfast now while I get Claire ready for school.”

Claire, who was chewing on a piece of bacon, looked up at the sound of her name.

Cas reached out his hand to her. “Come on, let’s get you into some clothes.”

“Okay.” She pressed a kiss against Dean’s cheek, before getting off the bed without putting up much of a fight. 

Dean watched after them fondly as they left. Apart from that little awkward moment just now, this day had gotten off to a great start.

\----------

Dean had almost finished his breakfast when Claire and Cas came back, each holding a present, the second surprise of the day. He didn’t expect them to bring him gifts. He had thought the breakfast in bed had been their present for him, and he would have been totally fine with it if it had, for it had already been more than he had hoped for on his birthday. 

Claire handed him her present first. She was beaming so hard it could blind him.

“Thank you pumpkin,” he said, all excited at what he might find underneath the gold colored paper.

He revealed a burgundy canvas stretched over a wood board that read:

 

_ A father is his daughter’s first love. _

_ I love you daddy! Claire. _

 

It melted Dean’s heart. Tears sprung into his eyes. He wiped them away with his thumb and index finger, before they could fall.

“You like it daddy?”

“Yes, Claire. I love it,” he said with a voice overflowing with emotion. He hugged his daughter, squeezing her tightly. “Thank you.”

He released her after what seemed like forever. No, he could not lose her, screw Anna and everyone involved with her. Hell had to freeze over before he would ever let her take his daughter away from him.

Claire smiled at him with stars of joy in her eyes. “May I watch cartoons now before it’s time for school?”

Dean chuckled. “Yes, sweetheart, you may.”

“Yippieeee.” Claire got off the bed and happily skipped out of the room.

“Did you have anything to do with it?” Dean asked Cas, pointing at the board after his daughter was gone.

“Let’s just say Claire and I picked it out together,” Cas replied, and then handed him his own present.

Dean stared at the square package wrapped with shiny blue paper. He was curious as to what it contained.

Carefully, he unwrapped it and found a black box. He opened it and gasped at what was inside: a pair of locked silver cufflinks, engraved with his single initial on the front, and they each contained a picture of Claire inside.

“Wow, Cas...this is...wow.” He honestly was at a loss for words for the second time that day. This was just all way too much. How did he deserve all of this? What the hell did he ever do to earn a daughter like Claire and a man like Cas in his life, even though the last one could only be on a platonic level at the moment. He was adamant not to lose Claire, but he wasn’t going to lose Cas either, of that he was very sure now. 

“I’m so gonna wear these today.”

“It’s what they’re meant for,” Cas deadpanned. “I’m glad you like them.”

“I frigging love them, Cas. Thank you.” He looked Cas straight in the eyes, and didn’t care anymore what Cas might see in his penetrating gaze. He  _ wanted _ Cas to see the appreciation; the gratitude, the  _ love _ .

Cas broke the stare first, and maybe just as well. He stood up and took the tray. “I’m gonna clean this up and check on Claire.”

“And I’m gonna hit the shower.” Dean threw off the covers and went to the bathroom, hoping and praying Cas hadn’t seen the bulge of a straining hard on in his pajama pants.

\----------

A goofy smile played on Dean’s lips all the way to his office building.

“Good morning, Dean. Happy birthday,” Charlie greeted him brightly as soon as he stepped inside. 

“Morning Charlie. Thank you.” He walked past her straight to his office, and there he was met with a bunch of colorful balloons, some hanging on the ceiling, others laying around on the ground. This was obviously Charlie’s doing. Why wasn’t he surprised? 

He chuckled as he hung up his overcoat and made his way through the balloons to his chair. He jumped when one of them snapped.

“Jesus!”

Charlie appeared in the doorway. “Hey, Dean, what are you doing on Saturday?”

Dean drew his brows together. “I dunno, nothing really, except taking Claire skating like every Saturday.” He fell into his desk chair. “I might take her to Cas’s to skate on the lake, as the ice is still thick enough. Once the thaw sets in, it’s gonna be too dangerous.” He put his elbows on his desk and folded his hands. “Why?”

“Because Jo and I wanna take you out for lunch for your birthday, and then we’re going shopping.”

“Shopping?” Dean echoed.

“Yes, Dean, shopping.” She held up her hand to stop him when he opened his mouth to say something. “And we won’t take no for an answer.”

“Uh huh.” Dean leaned back in his chair, with his arms folded over his chest. “And what about Claire?”

Charlie waved her arm dismissively. “Don’t worry about Claire. I talked to Cas. He agreed to watch her.”

“You have it all planned, haven’t you?” He was amused over this, but also a bit suspicious. What were those two women up to?

“Yep. We’ll pick you up at noon.”

“All right, I’ll go along with it.” He pointed a finger at her. “But no funny business.”

Charlie blinked. “Of course not, Dean. It’s us.” She turned and walked away.

“See,  _ that’s _ what worries me,” Dean mumbled as soon as the office door closed shut. He let his head fall back against the back of the desk chair, and looked up at the balloons drifting like clouds on the ceiling. Well, he  _ did _ need some new casual clothes. He only had two pairs of jeans left that didn’t have holes in them, and all the sweaters and henlys and shirts he had were so worn down, it was a miracle they didn’t fall apart when he put them on. So, if the girls wanted to take him on a shopping spree, who was he to say no? He wasn’t going to let them pay for all of the new clothes he was planning to buy though. 

His eyes drifted from the balloons to the brand new cufflinks he was wearing. He loved them. He was so gonna put a picture of Cas in one of them. No one had to know, it would be his very own little secret.

\----------

As always, he came home to the smell of a home cooked meal. This time Cas had outdone himself by preparing a four course dinner, and setting the table in the dining room instead of the kitchen. 

They started with shrimp cocktail. Cas had made a smaller portion for Claire so she wouldn’t be stuffed full from that alone.

Next came the broccoli soup that was to die for, and Dean couldn’t even find the words to describe how delicious the salmon was they had as the main course. His favorite however, was the slice of warm apple pie served with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

This birthday was, well, perfect. Anna never bothered. While he always remembered her birthday, bought her a gift and took her out to dinner to celebrate, she forgot his half of the time, and today was no different. He got a lot of texts with birthday wishes, except from her. Her excuse was always that birthdays were never really celebrated in her family. They were just a day like any other. Besides, now that she was getting older she didn’t want to be reminded of them anymore, and while that was her prerogative, Dean didn’t really ask for much. He didn’t expect expensive gifts or whatever, a simple text would be more than enough, because it would show that she at least cared. But, nope, even that was too much trouble for her.

He shrugged the bitter thoughts off. He was not going to let her ruin this day. There were more than enough people who did care, Cas being one of them. The things he did to make this birthday special were simply amazing.

\----------

Jo and Charlie held true to their word, they arrived that Saturday at noon sharp.

Cas told Dean he would take Claire to the lakehouse to go skating, and asked him to come over there after his shopping trip.

At the exclusive men’s clothing store the women dragged him to after lunch, Dean was welcomed by the store manager himself. He was served champagne and fingerfood - someone had told the man it was his birthday - and he literally got pampered while picking out and fitting clothes. Leave it to Jo and Charlie to make it happen that he got treated like royalty for this special occasion.

Loaded with more bags than he could carry - the women had to help him get everything inside - Dean got back home. He put his new wardrobe away, took a quick shower and got dressed in a pair of his newest black jeans and a dark grey henley.

He packed an overnight bag with a pair of his new pajama pants, socks and boxers, also new, and headed over to Cas’s.

Darkness had descended when he arrived at the lakehouse. The porch lights were already on to guide his way.

He exited the Impala and then frowned. His spidey senses started to tingle. It was too quiet, like nature was collectively holding its breath. There was a strange sort of tension hanging in the frosty night air.

_ “Don’t be ridiculous,” _ he told himself. He got his bag out of the trunk, darted up the porch steps, and as soon as he opened the door got startled out of his wits by a crowd screaming: “Happy birthday Dean.”

What the hell?

He noticed a big banner that was hung up across the room. Colorful balloons were drifting all over the place, and then Claire flung herself into his arms.

Dean was so overwhelmed that he had a hard time grasping what was going on. He was still recovering from the surprise when people came up to him, wishing him a happy birthday and handing him gifts.

The obvious people were there, but also his closest neighbours, the ones who always invited him to their barbecue in the summer, and vice versa.

The biggest surprise however, was the presence of Garth, and Benny, and their plus ones. It had been a while since he had last seen them, they both just lived too far away to drop by for casual visits. Did they come all the way down here just for his birthday? But...how?

He had little time to think about it before he got herded. Jo and Charlie helped him organize his presents, by putting them on a table so he could unwrap them later.

When everything died down a bit, Dean asked for everyone’s attention. He didn’t like public speeches, but it was only polite to say something.

“Thank you all for being here…,” he started to say. He chuckled. “I don’t know what else to say.”

The crowd laughed.

“Except…” he continued. “Cas? Where are you?” He searched the room with his eyes, and then noticed him standing at the side observing the whole thing, giving him his place in the spotlight.

“Did you do this?”

Cas spread his arms wide. “Guilty. But I had help.”

“Yeah, I already figured out that much.” Dean made his way over to him. He slung an arm around his shoulders. “For the ones who don’t know him yet, this is Cas, Claire’s nanny.” He looked at him. “And my best friend. He’s responsible for all of this.”

Everyone started applauding.

Dean had the hardest time tearing his eyes away from Cas. He didn’t know what would have happened, or what stupid thing he would have done, if Ellen hadn’t interrupted the moment by saying: “Pizzas are ready.”

The crowd broke apart, making their way to the kitchen where Ellen was handing out the food. “Feel free to come back for seconds and thirds. There’s enough.”

\----------

The party lasted until well after midnight. Dean’s neighbours had already left before they all were too drunk to drive, but the rest stayed over. It wouldn’t be responsible for any of them to get behind the wheel with that amount of alcohol in their systems.

There was a bit of a problem with the rooms though; there weren’t enough to host everyone.

Bobby and Ellen, and Sam and Eileen, got the rooms they stayed in when they were last here, and since Charlie and Jo offered to take the pull out couch and were already busy transforming it into a bed, that room became available for Garth and his wife.

That left Benny and Andrea.

“We don’t mind sleeping on a mattress on the floor here, brother,” Benny said.

Dean wouldn’t hear of it. “Nope, no, out of the question.” He vigorously shook his head to emphasize his words. “You’re guests. You can have my room…”

Startled, he held his breath. Heat rose to his cheeks. Since when did he define the guest room he slept in when he was here as  _ ‘his’ _ room?

Benny’s eyebrows shot up. “ _ Your _ room? he asked, amused, a teasing glint in his eyes. “You have your very own room here, brother?”

“Yeah...I mean...I mean the room I always sleep in when...ehm...when Claire and I are here.” He huffed an awkward little laugh. “It’s not  _ my _ room, obviously, haha.”

A snort made him turn around. It had come from Jo.

“Something funny Jo?” he boomed.

“Nope, not at all. As long as you don’t sleep here in the living room. You snore, and I need my beauty sleep.” She took her overnight bag. “I’m gonna see if the bathroom is available yet.”

“I do not snore,” Dean yelled after her as she darted up the stairs.

With a sigh he turned back to the others. “I’ll sleep in Claire’s room.”

“You can’t,” Cas said. He was running around with a big trash bag, tidying up the leftovers from the party. Andrea was lending him a helping hand.

“I…” Dean looked at him. “What do you mean I can’t?”

“You’ll wake her up when you pump up the mattress. And you know how grumpy she is when she’s woken up.”

Dean dropped his head onto his neck with his eyes closed. Well, that was true.

“I can’t sleep in the living room because I snore according to Jo, I can’t sleep in Claire’s room because I might wake her up and we can’t have that, the study is too small, where am I supposed to sleep? In the tub in the bathroom?”

“Not a bad idea,” Benny jokingly deadpanned.

“You can always sleep with Cas,” Charlie then remarked casually.

Dean almost choked on his own saliva.

Charlie’s eyes darted from him to Cas, who looked like he was going to die on the spot, and back. “What? It’s the master bedroom. I’m sure it’s big enough to put down a mattress...” Her eyes grew wide and then she burst out in a full body laugh. “Oh my God, guys. I wasn’t suggesting you share a bed.”

“Who’s gonna share a bed?” Jo asked, coming back down dressed in a pair of flannel pajamas. “The bathroom is free,” she added.

“Cas and Dean are,” Benny replied.

Jo blinked in confusion. “Cas and Dean?” she echoed.

“No one's gonna share a bed except the couples,” Dean said with a tired sigh. He squinted at Jo. “And how the hell would you know I snore?”

“Because I heard you all the way from my room when you stayed over.” She giggled. “You’re still not over the fact that I know, Dean?”

Dean rolled his eyes. He turned to Benny and Andrea. “Come on, I’m gonna show you guys your room. It has its own bathroom.”

He led them up the stairs to the second floor, all the while pondering if bunking down in Cas’s room was such a good idea. 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter from Dean's POV (I know, I know, that's two in a row).
> 
> There's ehm...angst ahead. I'LL FIX IT I PROMISE

 

DEAN

 

Sleeping on a mattress on the floor was never easy, sleeping on a mattress on the floor in the same room as Cas, that was a fucking disaster.

Dean turned onto his other side for the millionth time, trying to find the most comfortable position. It was a useless effort, and the erection in his pants didn’t exactly help either.

“Can’t sleep?” a gravelly voice pierced through the semi darkness of the bedroom.

Dean rolled onto his back and stared at a beam of light the full moon that seeped through a crack in the curtains painted on the ceiling.

“For some reason, I’m wide awake.”

There was a rustle of sheets. “It’s probably the adrenaline. Try to rest. Rest is just as important as sleep.” The shadow of a head suddenly appeared over the edge of the bed, looking down at him. “I can always warm up some milk for you.”

“No, Cas, it’s fine. Besides, I’m not a big fan of milk.” He fought the urge to reach out his hand and touch the face that was floating above him, or run his fingers through the dishevelled hair on Cas’s head.

“Bananas are also good for when you can’t sleep.” The face disappeared. “Or mix a banana in some milk, that often works too.”

Dean huffed a laugh. “You trying to kill me, Cas?”

“No. It actually tastes very good.”

“Hmm, sounds like baby food to me.”

“Baby food made with fresh fruit is really healthy, Dean.”

“Yeah, well, I prefer my apples and bananas and whatever they put in it, whole and not mushed, thank you.”

A series of amused chuckles rose up from the bed. “Fair enough.”

There were a few beats of silence. 

“Hey, Cas?”

“Yes, Dean?”

“Thank you.”

“You’ve already thanked me about a hundred times.”

Dean turned onto his side, facing the bed.

“Maybe. But I cannot thank you enough, and not just for today...I mean, man...no one has ever done this for me, you know?”

“It was your fortieth, Dean. It’s a milestone. I just couldn’t let that go by without doing something special. Now go to sleep.”

“Yeah.” Dean sighed deeply. He really should get some sleep. “Night, Cas.”

“Good night, Dean.”

\----------

Dean was brutally pulled out of an amazing dream,  by a bone chilling scream that could have woken up the dead. He immediately sat up straight.

A bit disoriented, he looked around. It took him a few seconds to realize where he was.

“Where is my daddyyyy. I want my daddyyy,” he heard his daughter whining, accompanied by a few sad sobs.

_ Shit. Claire. _

He scrambled up and bolted out of the room.

In the hallway he practically bumped into Andrea, with Claire on her arm.

“Daddyyy!” Claire reached out her arms to him, clearly relieved.

“She suddenly jumped onto the bed and had a big scare when she found us, and not you,” Andrea said, as she handed him his daughter.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Dean brushed a few strands of hair out of Claire’s face. “She always wakes up at seven and then comes to my room.” He shot Andrea an apologetic look.

“It’s fine, brother.” Benny was standing in the doorway, casually leaning against the frame. He suppressed a yawn. “We got startled, but we’re all okay.” He nodded at Claire. “And so is your little girl.”

“Yes, but still, this could have been avoided. I should have set my alarm clock.” Dean looked at Claire, and wiped away the tears still visible on her flushed cheeks.

“Nanny Cas!” Claire wriggled in Dean’s arms to get loose at the sight of Cas, who had followed him. 

Dean put her down. She immediately ran over to her nanny.

“You guys get some more sleep,” Dean told Benny and Andrea. “It’s still early.”

Benny grinned. “Yes, it is.” He wrapped an arm around his wife's waist,  and led her back into the room.

Dean trailed after Cas and Claire into the master bedroom, hoping no one else had woken up from his daughter’s high pitch screams.

“I feel like I failed as a father,” he said while shutting the door.

“If you failed as a father, then I failed as a nanny,” Cas countered. “Don’t beat yourself up over it. I didn’t think about it either. I did,  however, have this constant nagging feeling that I was forgetting something, and I didn’t know what.”

Dean nodded thoughtfully as he watched Claire jump up and down on the air mattress. “Claire, sweetheart, stop doing that.”

“Why?”

“It’s not good for the mattress.”

“Oh.” Claire obeyed. She crawled over to Dean on her hands and knees. “Why wasn’t you in your room daddy?”

“Why  _ weren’t _ you in your room,” Dean corrected her first, before answering her question. “We had a sleepover and there weren’t enough rooms. So I gave my friends my room, and I slept here on the mattress.”

He turned to Cas. “Yes, I also had that same feeling like I was forgetting something.”

“But why, daddy?”

Dean was confused. He looked at his daughter with a frown. “Why what?”

“Why you slept on the matt...matt-ress. Nanny Cas has a very biiiig bed.” She spread out her arms. “Much room for you.”

Dean’s eyes flicked to Cas, whose face was slowly turning red, just like his own cheeks that he felt heating up. How on earth was he going to answer that question? Technically, she was right. In her four year old still innocent and logical brain, it didn’t make sense to sleep on the floor when there was enough room in a comfortable bed.

“I’m...eh…” He looked at Cas again, silently asking him to help him out here.

Cas got the message. “Hey, Claire?” he said, trying to get her mind off the subject.

Claire turned her little head towards him. “Yes?”

“Why are you still calling me ‘nanny’ Cas? We know each other really well now, right? If it’s okay with your daddy, you can start calling me just Cas.”

Dean blinked. This was Cas’s idea of giving Claire something else to think about other than bed sharing? Ah well, if it worked… Besides, he didn’t mind if his daughter started to call her nanny just Cas.

Claire, however, shook her head so hard, her blonde curls bounced up and down. “No.”

A little hurt glided over Cas’s face. He hid it pretty well. It was gone as fast as it had come up, but the smile he put on his lips was strained. Dean felt so sorry for him getting shot down by his daughter like that. 

“Why not, pumpkin?” he asked. “I don’t mind.” He knew Claire simply adored her nanny. So, what was the problem?

“Cause,” Claire fidgeted on her fleece blanket, “‘nanny’ is like....is like...souns like ‘daddy’” With a giggle, she shyly shrugged her little shoulders. “I like it.”

The silence that fell upon them after that statement was deafening. Claire had just managed to make them both at a complete loss for words.

Dean’s eyes caught Cas’s. They were glistening suspiciously. He looked like he was on the verge of breaking down.

“Then you can keep calling me nanny Cas,” Cas said, voice trembling and hoarse, yet laced with happiness, and the subtle sound of a few joyful tears. He jumped off the bed. “I’m gonna hit the shower. It’s time to start brunch.” Without another word, or even looking at them, he strode to the bathroom.

“Is nanny Cas angry with me now, daddy?” Claire asked, a bit sadly.

“Oh, Claire.” Dean pulled her into his arms. “No, sweetheart, he isn’t angry with you at all. I think you just made him love you a whole lot more.”

\----------

After helping Claire get dressed and taking a shower himself, Dean went downstairs to see if he could help Cas with brunch, but it seemed like he had everything under control. Just like the day after Christmas and on new year, he had set up a whole buffet with all sorts of breakfast foods. Bacon, scrambled eggs, boiled eggs, waffles, pancakes, fresh croissants and buns, sliced bread, fruit salad, three different kinds of cereal, milk, yoghurt, fresh orange juice, coffee, and tea.

“Damn, Cas. Are you planning to feed an army?” Dean asked, while looking at all the food. There was so much he didn’t know where to start.

“I don’t want anyone to go home hungry,” Cas replied, with a smile that seemed a little wider and brighter than usual. Even his tread was lighter, like he was walking on clouds or something.

Amused at the thought, Dean shook his head. He poured himself a glass of juice that he emptied with one huge gulp. He helped Claire fill her plate with the things she wanted, and then took some bacon and eggs for himself.

One by one the guests joined them. Some were still in their pajamas, some had already showered and were fully dressed.

There was animated talk over breakfast. The main topic of the conversation was how Claire had wandered into the wrong room and had given Benny and Andrea the scare of a lifetime, not to mention poor Claire herself.

Dean looked around the table while telling the tale. These were his friends; his family. He loved having them all under one roof being happy and healthy. This was a good day, and all thanks to Cas.

Cas… Whatever was he going to do about his growing feelings for the guy? He had come very close to getting into bed with him last night. His common sense and decency, as well as his respect for Cas, had prevented him from doing what would have been a very stupid thing, no matter how much he wanted it. 

\----------

It was near three in the afternoon when the remains of breakfast was cleaned up, and everyone headed home. 

Claire was playing in her ‘Frozen’ bedroom - she spent a lot of time there, usually dressed in her Elsa dress - and Cas and Dean were standing on the porch, watching as the last car drove off.

Another vehicle appeared in the distance, coming their way.

“Are you expecting someone?” Dean asked with a frown, sounding more annoyed than he intended to be, as he watched the car come closer. He was kind of looking forward to spending the rest of Sunday with only Cas and Claire.

“No, I can’t say I am,” Cas replied. The thoughtful tone in his voice told Dean that he was just as surprised as he was by this unexpected visitor, whoever it might be.

The black car stopped in front of the porch. Dean’s breath hitched when he made out the profile of the man behind the wheel. What the hell?

He slowly walked forward while the first inklings of anger bubbled up. 

He wasn’t entirely sure until the man exited the vehicle. That’s when he lost it. He ran down the porch steps, strode over to the man and took him by the lapels.

“You fucking bastard,” he yelled, and hit him across the cheek.

The man stumbled back, lost his balance and fell on his ass in the snow.

Behind him Cas yelled: “Dean! What are you doing?”

“Nothing happened,” the man in the snow squealed, as he scrambled back up.

“Like hell it didn’t!”

“I swear!” He looked past him to Cas. “Cassie, tell him.”

Wait. What? Dean was confused. He turned to Cas. “You know this douche?”

“Yes. That’s Balthazar, that friend from France I told you about? I’m sure I mentioned him once.”

“I’m…” Dean’s confusion was complete. Yes, now that he thought about it, Cas did say he had one good friend, and that said friend lived in France. Didn’t change the fact that he banged his fucking wife. Not that it was Cas’s fault.

“Nice friends you have there, Cas. He’s the one I saw in Anna’s bedroom.”

Cas’s eyebrows rose so high, they almost hit his hairline. “Are you sure?”

“Yes I’m sure! I only saw him briefly but his ugly mug is seared into my brain. I would know him anywhere.” He whirled back around to face Balthazar. “You slept with my wife!”

“I don’t even know who you are!” Balthazar yelled. He brushed the snow from his clothes. “Don’t you think I would know that if I actually slept with her?” His features showed so much perplexity that he deserved an oscar if he was feigning it. It made Dean doubt himself. Maybe he was wrong,  and this guy only looked like the one he saw. He regarded Balthazar with his eyes squeezed to suspicious slits. “Anna Milton ring a bell?”

Balthazar took in a startled breath as understanding dawned on his face.

“Anna Milton is your wife?”

It was all the confirmation Dean needed. He took a step forward, and was about to throw another punch when Cas stopped him.

“Dean! Don’t!”

Dean clenched his jaw and held back, but only because Cas asked. If it weren’t for him, he would beat the crap out of this asshole.

Balthazar held up his hands in a placating manner. “Look, in my defense, Anna never mentioned you. If she talked about you at all, it was in terms of ‘my ex husband’.

Dean blinked rapidly. “ _ Ex _ husband?”

“Yes.”

“As in she told you she was divorced?”

“Yes!”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Dean put both hands on his head as he kicked up some snow in pure frustration. “Can you believe this shit?”

In the few beats of silence that fell upon them, Dean replayed the whole conversation in his head. Something was off; something didn’t add up. When he figured out what it was, he huffed out a sarcastic laugh. “You’re lying.”

Balthazar’s eyes went wide. “I’m not, I swear.”

“Oh really?” Dean crossed his arms over his chest. “If you are not lying, and you really didn’t know that I was Anna’s husband, then why did you say that nothing happened after I punched you, huh?”

Beside him, Cas stiffened. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw all the muscles in his body tense up. What on earth?

“That wasn’t about Anna,” Balthazar replied. He motioned towards Cas. “That was about him. We went out to dinner two weeks ago. Didn’t Cassie tell you that?”

A very nasty coil started to turn Dean’s insides into knots. When he didn’t answer right away, Balthazar went on: “Well, then he probably also didn’t tell you we ended up in bed together. But, like I said, nothing happened.”

It was like someone had just unexpectedly dropped a bomb and now they had to deal with the fall out, that’s how baffled Dean was. His stomach turned over. It made him sick. “Cas? Is that true?” His voice was wavering. He hated how unsteady he sounded, and how much audible pain there was in that question.

He didn’t have to wait for an answer. The guilt that was written all over Cas’s face told him enough.

“Right.” He turned around. “I’m outta here,” he said while walking inside, not hearing Cas calling his name or coming after him, from the blood that was rushing in his ears. 

This whole situation was taking on the proportions of a fucking nightmare. 

Cas. His Cas had slept with Balthazar? How could he? He thought he could trust him. Clearly, he couldn’t. All the hopes; all the dreams he had of them having a future together just shattered around him.

He was so stupid. How delusional was he to even think he could build up a life with Cas. 

He ran up the stairs, taking two steps at a time, straight to his bedroom to pack his things. The awful pain of sadness suddenly hit him, at the realization that he probably wasn’t going to stay in this room again.

“Dean, please, let me explain…” Cas said, who had followed him.

“There’s nothing to explain,” Dean cut him off harshly. He popped his belongings into his bag, fighting back the tears he felt coming to the surface. “I think the picture is clear enough. You don’t have to draw it for me.”

“But...Dean…”

“Save it, Cas,” Dean cut him off again. “I won’t fire you if that’s what you’re worried about.” He zipped the bag closed.

“I wasn’t…”

And again, Dean didn’t let him finish. “Claire clearly loves you a lot. It’s bad enough that she already lost her mom, I can’t do it to her to have her lose you too. I  _ am  _ cutting back your hours though. From now on, you’re not a live in nanny anymore. You pick up Claire from pre school, watch her until I come back from the office at six, and then you go home. As far as you and me are concerned, we’re done.”

“Please...Dean…”

Dean looked up. There were tears swimming in Cas’s eyes. Sorrow washed through him. He almost succumbed to Cas’s pleas...almost, but then he thought about what he had done, and his heart hardened again. This was one betrayal he couldn’t get past.

He snatched the bag from the bed, and strode out of the room with Cas on his heels.

Now he understood why Cas wanted him gone that Saturday. It was so he could go out with his so called friend, a man who not only fucked his wife, but fucked Cas too. What the hell was the deal with that guy anyway? Was it his mission to make Dean’s life miserable?

He knocked on Claire’s door and opened it. “Come on, Claire, let’s go,” he boomed.

Claire jumped up from the play mat. “Why?”

“Because daddy just remembered he had something very important to do at home. We must go.” God, he hated lying to his daughter, but what else was he supposed to tell her? We can’t stay because nanny Cas fucked another guy?

“No!” Claire said.

Dean raised his eyebrows. “Excuse me?”

Claire folded her arms. “I wanna stay here.” A pout formed on her mouth. Dean sensed there was an epic meltdown in the making.

“Claire, you come with me, right now!”

“No.” Claire stomped her feet and started crying. Then she noticed Cas. “Nanny Caaaaaaaaaaaaas!” She ran over to him as fast as her little legs could carry her, straight into his arms.

Cas crouched down in front of her. “You have to go with your daddy now, Claire,” he said calmly.

“But I don’t wanna. I wanna stay here.”

“I know, but you have to, okay? I’ll pick you up from school tomorrow, and then we’ll do something fun together.”

“Promise?”

“Yes. I promise.”

It did the trick. Claire stopped crying and, even though it was very reluctantly, she took Dean’s hand. Dean had to give Cas credit for one thing: he was very good at handling his daughter.

Cas didn’t try to stop him from leaving, probably because he didn’t want to cause a scene in the presence of Claire. Dean didn’t look at him, he didn’t even say goodbye, he just drove off without looking back. That’s when the tears he had managed to hold back started to fall from his eyes.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early update. There's nothing special about this chapter. I still hope you enjoy it though.

 

CAS

 

Cas watched after the Impala as it drove away; away from him. It was like he was watching it driving out of his life, taking Dean and Claire with it, and he only had himself to blame for that.

His whole chest was hurting. The pain in his heart was way too real.  He should have told Dean from the very start what had happened, then he wouldn’t be in this mess.

With a sigh of deep regret, he went back inside. He plopped down on a barstool across from Balthazar, who was sitting at the counter pressing a bag of frozen carrots against his cheek. Why the hell was he still here anyway?

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t finish Dean’s job and punch you into next week, or kick you to the goddamn curb,” he snapped in a tight voice, sounding highly irritated.

Balthazar rolled his eyes. “Dean'll get over it…”

“Over what exactly,” Cas briskly cut him off. “Over the fact that you fucked his wife, or over you implying that  _ we _ fucked.”

“Both. First of all, nothing happened between you and I. It’s his choice not to believe it and to think the worst.”

Cas shook his head, while shooting him what he hoped was a death glare.

“And second,” Balthazar continued, ignoring him, “I didn’t know Anna was Dean’s wife, remember.”

“Oh, and that makes it so much better,” Cas bit out. “How long have you known Anna anyway?”

Balthazar stood up to throw the pack of carrots into the sink.” I met her last summer. We work for the same company. I was here to talk about the opening of the new division in Paris.” He took a towel to dry off the melted water that had trailed down onto his arm. “I asked her out to dinner and we ended up in my hotel room.” He rolled the sleeve of his shirt back down.

“So you had already met her the last time you were here?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that you were seeing someone?”

Balthazar sighed. “Because, frankly, it’s none of your business, just as it is none of Dean’s business who you fuck in your free time. You and I are not together, pretty much like you and Dean are not together, and so neither of us owe the other any explanations.” He placed himself back on the barstool. “Once Dean calms down and starts to think rationally about this whole thing, he’ll come to his senses.”

“Yeah, well, I wish I had your confidence,” Cas mumbled in reply. He squinted. The sensitive area on Balthazar’s face where Dean’s fist had landed was slowly changing color. It gave him a strange kind of satisfaction. Good! He hoped he would end up with one hell of a black eye.

“I still don’t understand how we missed all of this being connected,” he carried on, thoughtfully.

“How could we have known? The only thing you told me during our date…”

“It was not a date,” Cas interrupted him sharply.

Balthazar waved his arm. “Whatever. Anyway, the only thing I got from you was that you watched an adorable little girl of a man whose wife was away for business most of the time, and then you confided in me you had a crush on him. When I told you that it was a very bad idea to get involved with a married man, you said he was planning to file for a divorce.”

Cas closed his eyes as he tried to remember if that was all he had said. Man, he really had way too much to drink that night. His memories were so damn foggy.

“And I never mentioned Claire’s name?”

“No, you didn't. We didn’t talk that much about it, you know.”

A big sigh left Cas’s lips. He just had to take Balth’s word for it because honestly, he couldn’t remember half of the conversation they had about it.

“Have you been with Anna all this time in Paris?”

“Yes, pretty much.”

“She must be delighted that you sleep around when you’re gone.” The sarcasm was dripping from his words.

“Cassie,” Balthazar said around a tiresome intake of breath. “Anna and I are not exclusive.”

“Hm. Does she know that?”

“What are you talking about? Of course she knows that.”

Cas had his doubts. Balthazar might sound convincing, but it didn’t mean he was telling the truth. On the other hand, this was Anna. From what he knew about her, she had probably slept with other men way before Balthazar came into the picture. 

Then something else Balthazar had said seeped into his brain. He started to laugh, not from happiness or joy, but more in a sarcastic and bitter manner.

“You’re such a hypocrite.”

A few interrogatory lines appeared between Balthazar’s brows. “What? Why?”

“Because according to you, you said getting involved with a married man was a bad idea, and yet here you are, doing the exact same thing.”

“How many times do I have to tell you that I DID NOT KNOW ANNA WAS MARRIED”

Cas stared at him, trying to detect either the truth or the lies, or a mix of both, in Balthazar’s features. Cas was always pretty good at reading people.

“Honestly, Balth? Do you really expect me to believe it would have stopped you if you had known that little fact?”

Balthazar didn’t answer immediately. He tore his eyes away. “There’s a difference,” he said finally.

“I...seriously?” Cas couldn’t believe what he was hearing. How the fuck was it different? He clenched his jaw. “Care to elaborate on that?”

Balthazar pinched the bridge of his nose. “I don’t love Anna. And Anna doesn’t really love me. But you…” he waved his arm at Cas. “You’re acting like a love sick puppy.”

Cas blinked. His ears must be betraying him. The words coming out of Balthazar’s mouth filled him with disgust. How was it even possible that he had once loved this man?

“Let me get this right,” he said, trying to wrap his head around Balthazar’s logic. “It’s okay to sleep with married people when you don’t love them, but it’s not when you do?” That didn’t even make sense.

“Basically. If you let emotions get the upper hand it tends to get messy. Look at you and Dean. He’s not even divorced yet, and he is already acting all jealous and possessive when it comes to you.” He chuckled. “I’d love to see Anna’s reaction when I tell her her husband is banging the nanny.”

Cas’s mouth fell open in pure astonishment. “Don’t you  _ dare _ ,” he gasped. “Dean isn’t ‘banging’ anyone. Unlike Anna, he has always remained faithful. Besides, why would you go back to her after the lies she told you; now that you know she’s married?”

Balthazar shrugged. “Why not? She’s nice company and great in bed. And that’s all I care about. And as for the fact that I now know she’s still married… I don’t love her, remember.”

That was it. That was the final straw for Cas. Who the hell was this guy? He didn’t even recognize him anymore. Had he always been like this and Cas had been too blind to see it? It made him question their whole relationship. Had Balthazar ever even loved him? 

He jumped up. “Get out!” He couldn’t stand the sight of him anymore. The friend and lover he once was, was gone, if he ever existed. Not knowing Anna was still married and falling victim to her schemes was one thing, but going back to her now that he knew all the facts? That was just...no. 

Balthazar didn’t put up much of a fight. “Don’t you want to know why I came over for a visit, or how I knew where you lived?” he asked.

Cas crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t give a damn what your motives were.”

“I’m gonna tell you anyway.” Balthazar shrugged on his warm winter coat. “I came to say goodbye. I’m flying back to Paris tomorrow.”

“Right, right,” Cas nodded, with a lot of sarcasm. “And let me guess. You probably also came down here to see if you could talk me into bed for a goodbye fuck.”

“Can’t blame a guy for trying, Cassie.”

Cas erupted in anger. He strode to the back door, yanked it open and yelled: “Get the fuck out of my house, right now.”

“Okay, okay, okay, I’m going,” Balthazar said, with a smirk on his lips. He seemed to find it all very amusing. “See you around, Cassie.”

“I don’t ever wanna hear or see you again, now get out and ‘bon voyage’.” That last one was said with more sass than he thought he possessed. He slammed the door shut with so much force it was a miracle the glass didn’t shatter. Carefully, he watched Balthazar through the window to make sure he was really leaving.

When the car had disappeared from view, he finally allowed himself to relax again. He took in a few calming breaths while digging out his phone, then blocked Balthazar’s number.

Now that the adrenaline was slowly seeping from his body, Cas was drained, first from the heavy fight with Dean, then the tiresome conversation with Balthazar. It had all left him exhausted, plus he had hardly slept last night. How could he, with Dean so close by on the mattress, on the floor next to his bed? 

Damn it. And the day had started so well, with Claire telling him she wanted to keep calling him ‘nanny’ because it sounded so much like ‘daddy’. And then Balthazar waltzed in and ruined everything.

Tears started to burn behind his eyes. They clouded his vision. It was a nasty sting that wouldn’t get better if he didn’t allow them to fall.

Sweet Claire. He couldn’t love her more if she was his own daughter. And Dean was such a great dad. He had put Claire’s needs first, before his anger, by not cutting Cas out of his life completely...not yet.

No! He was not going to allow Dean to do that. He was going to fix it, if it was the last thing he did.

A quick glance at the clock told him it was near eight in the evening. He wasn’t surprised it was that late, since twilight had already set in when Balthazar left. 

He took his phone and called Dean. Just as he had suspected, Dean didn’t pick up, but let it go to voicemail. He left a message, knowing Dean well enough that curiosity would get the better of him, and he wouldn’t be able to prevent himself from listening to it.

“We need to talk,” he got straight to the point, trying to control the tremble in his voice. “I’m leaving in half an hour, and you’d better be home when I get there, Winchester, because if you’re not, I will hunt you down and I  _ will _ find you, so help me God.” He pressed the end call button, and threw the phone beside him on the couch.

He had managed to sound firm and demanding, but in reality he was shaking, like an insecure little kid who tried to pretend to be braver than he was.

After taking a few minutes to compose himself, and after the tears on his cheeks had dried up, he went upstairs to pack an overnight bag just in case. If they were able to talk through this whole fiasco, Dean might ask him to stay over...for Claire.

\----------

Half an hour later, Cas stopped in front of Dean’s house. The porch lights were on and the Impala was sitting in the driveway. Those were good signs. 

Dean never left the lights on unless he wasn’t at home, then he turned them on to scare off unwanted visitors. But since the car was there and it was past Claire’s bedtime, Dean had to be home, and according to the porch lights, he was expecting Cas. That meant he had probably heard the voicemail Cas had left. The fact that Dean hadn’t texted or called him back, telling him to fuck off, was another good sign.

Cas took in a deep breath to calm the nerves that were dashing through his veins, before getting out of the car. He was just about to go around the back - he didn’t want to ring the doorbell with the risk of waking up Claire - when the front door swung open and the silhouette of Dean appeared, bathing in the light coming from the hall behind him.

Cas cocked his head to hide the spontaneous smile that formed on his lips. Oh yes, he was definitely expected. He wasn’t entirely sure if that was such a good thing though. For all he knew, Dean wanted to tell him to fuck off to his face, instead of over the phone.

With hesitant steps, he made his way over the pathway that ran through the aesthetically planted evergreens, to the door, where Dean was waiting.

“Hello, Dean,” he said, as he came to a stop in front of him.

Dean’s face betrayed little to no emotion. It was one big stoic mask...except for the eyes. Even in the dark night only lit up by artificial light, Cas detected a lot of hurt in them. His heart nearly broke.

“Come in. I don’t want to have this conversation freezing my butt off.”

Cas stepped inside. He toed off his shoes. On socked feet, he followed Dean to the living room.

“You want a beer?” Dean asked, making a beeline for the fridge in the kitchen.

“Ehm, yes, thank you.” Even if he still had to drive home tonight, one couldn’t hurt. 

Dean came back with two bottles of beer. He handed one to Cas, but instead of taking a seat, he leaned against the dresser, feet crossed at the ankles. He waved with the bottle in his hands.

“Start talking.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all the comments. You are the best!!!!!

 

DEAN

 

Dean was a lot calmer now than when he had left the lake house earlier that day. He had allowed a few tears to spill from his eyes, but had swallowed the rest of them down. He didn’t want Claire to see him crying like a fucking child. She was unmanageable enough as it was - like she sensed something wasn’t quite right - and he didn’t want to add to it.

He had tried to act as normal as possible, but couldn’t help sounding a bit harsh from time to time. That’s why he had been so relieved when it was her bath and bedtime. He needed to be alone with his thoughts.

The more the day had progressed, the more he had managed to rationalize everything in his head and had come to the conclusion that, maybe, he had overreacted a bit.

Okay, a  _ lot.  _ He didn’t own Cas. He had no say in what the guy did in his free time.

But then why did it hurt so much?

With growing surprise, he now listened to what Cas had to say, and slowly realized he had jumped to some very wrong conclusions.

“So, that dinner thing was planned after Claire and I left that Saturday?”

“Yes. I didn’t even know Balthazar was in the country until he called, and you were already gone by then.”

Dean nodded. “So you didn’t want us gone because of that?” he asked, just to be sure he got it right.

“Of course not, Dean. How can you even think that? I meant what I said back then. After spending so much time together, we needed a bit of a break from the...ehm...you know.” He averted his gaze and took a swig from the bottle, with red covering his cheeks.

Dean felt one corner of his mouth automatically lift up to form half a smile. He knew what Cas meant; he knew it well enough. He was talking about the tension that always simmered between them. Not that it got any better after that little break. They would never get it out of their system unless they did something about it, and well, that was not an option. At least, not yet.

Okay, so, that was one misunderstanding they had got out of the way. Still, the fact remained that Cas and Balthazar ended up in bed together despite that, according to Cas, Cas had told him their friends with benefits days were over. What was up with that?

“I had way too much to drink that night,” Cas said, when Dean asked about it after gulping down the last drops of beer in the bottle. “Not that it’s an excuse, but it does explain that I have no idea how I got there.”

“Wait a minute.” Dean frowned. He put the beer bottle down on the dresser. “Rewind there for a second. You blacked out?”

“I...guess so.” Cas’s embarrassment was clear in his whole demeanor. He couldn’t even look Dean in the eyes.

“See if I get this right,” Dean said in a low tone, trying very hard to remain calm. “You woke up in bed with your douche friend, with no recollection of how you got there?”

“Yes.”

“And so he thought that it was a good idea to put you into his bed?”

“The hotel wasn’t that far, and I was pretty out of it…”

“Don’t you dare make excuses for what he did,” Dean yelled, cutting Cas off so briskly it made him cringe. “Are you hearing yourself right now?”

“How do you think I felt when I woke up naked next to him…” Cas went on the defence and then stopped mid sentence, gasping for air. Dean could see all the color draining from his face at the realization that he just blurted out a little fact Dean didn’t know.

“You were naked?” Dean clenched his fists at his sides. The fingernails dug painfully into the flesh of his palms. “As in Balthazar  _ undressed _ you?” Disgust filled every pore of his being, and then spread out until he was almost consumed by it. 

“Well, they didn’t fall off my body all on their own, and I sure as hell didn’t take them off myself, so, yes, probably,” Cas spat sarcastically.

Dean was appalled; outraged. “That’s fucking rape, Cas!”

“Dean, nothing happened.”

“Seriously? You blacked the fuck out. So how can you be so sure about that, huh?”

“Because  _ you _ try taking a dick up  _ your _ ass after half a year, and not be sore as hell the next morning.”

Dean froze. Cas did have a point there. He could still vividly remember the few times he was fucked in his college years as an experiment. He had always been sore. It was a good kind of sore though, the one that reminded you of a night well spent. So, yeah, Cas probably would have known.

He took in a very deep breath and held it, as he dropped his head onto his neck with his eyes closed. Then he slowly released it again. It was the only audible sound in the silence that had descended upon the room. It condensed heavily in the air between them.

“I need a drink,” he mumbled, breaking it first. He strode over to the mini bar to fix himself some scotch. “You want one?”

“No. I still have to drive.”

“No you don’t. You’re gonna stay right here until we have talked this through, even if it takes us all night.” He filled two glasses with ice cubes, and poured the amber colored liquor over them. Cas was here now, and he wasn’t going to let him leave. 

“What Balthazar did, stripping you of your clothes without your consent, that’s sexual harassment. You can press charges for that,” he said, handing Cas the drink. He took a seat next to him on the couch.

“I’m aware of that, but I don’t wanna go through all that hassle. It’s not like Balthazar was a stranger, or that he roofied me, we do have a history. To him, it was all a big joke. Not that I found it funny.” He took a sip. “I just wanna leave it all behind me. Besides, he’s flying back to Paris tomorrow. That’s what he came to tell me.”

Dean huffed out a bitter little laugh. “Back to Anna? Even now that he knows she’s not divorced?”

“Pretty much.”

“Fucking asshole,” Dean grumbled. Not that it bothered him anymore. Balthazar could bang his wife for all he cared. It was just that he was doing it with the knowledge she was married that was so unsettling.

“I’m...I’m sorry, Dean. For everything.”

“No, Cas, it’s fine.” Dean cocked his head. He stared at the liquid in his glass as he swirled it around. “I’m the one who should be apologizing. I should have known better.” He looked up. “I should have known  _ you _ better.”

Damn, he was so bad at this. He was never any good at big apologies, but when he was wrong, then he was wrong, and it shouldn’t be so fucking hard to express that with words.

Cas held his gaze. In the blue of his eyes, Dean saw a lot of emotions displayed, one of them accepting his apology. 

“So, ehm, you gonna stay tonight?” he hesitantly continued, hoping Cas would say yes.

A smile started to form on Cas’s lips. “Yes, Dean, I will stay.” He put his half finished drink on the coffee table. “I’m gonna get my bag.”

Dean watched after him as he walked out. He didn’t deserve this kind and gentle man who worshipped the very ground Claire walked on, and who would give Dean the world if he asked for it. And what did Dean do? How did he thank him? By accusing him of something awful. He had to do better, and he made the silent promise to himself that, from here on out, he was going to do just that.

\----------

Claire was elated to find her nanny making breakfast the next morning. It warmed Dean’s heart to see his daughter so happy at this unexpected surprise. Everything was back as it should be.

If there was one thing that Dean had learned from that little bump in his and Cas’s road towards each other, it was that he had to get things moving. Enough was enough. He was done waiting. 

The first thing he did when he was at his office, was to tell Charlie to reschedule all his appointments he had for the day. There were personal matters he had to take care of before anything else. Then he texted Anna that he wanted to talk to her on Skype. When she responded to him, saying she didn’t have time, he wrote back in capital letters: THEN YOU MAKE FUCKING TIME, hoping she would get the message that she’d better not mess with him. 

It worked. She appeared on Skype, and boy did she look irritated. Not that he could give five fucks about it.

“Okay, I’m here. What’s the big emergency?” she asked, displeasure clear in the tone of her voice. Dean could not believe it. As a mother, the first thing her mind should have gone to when she got his message, was their daughter.

“Claire’s fine, thanks for asking,” he snapped sarcastically.

“Oh.” Anna visibly swallowed. Dean couldn’t be sure, but he thought he saw some sort of embarrassment forming on her face. 

“I’m glad she’s doing well,” she finally said after a beat of silence, schooling her features back to the cold hearted expression she always wore. “Now cut the bull, Dean, and tell me what this is all about.”

Dean leaned back in his desk chair. He folded his hands on his belly. “I met a very interesting man yesterday, or maybe I should say a complete douche. I punched him in the face, so, when he shows up with a black eye, that’s where he got it from.”

Anna didn’t get it. She shook her head. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about Balthazar, and the fact you cheated on me with him.”

A crack appeared in Anna’s carefully constructed expression. Her eyes went a little wider and her mouth twitched at the corner.

“So you know,” she said deadass, voice cold as ice. Well, at least she did him the courtesy not to deny it. It was even like she was relieved now that the secret was out. 

Dean nodded. “So I know.”

“What do you want me to say, Dean? I’m sorry?”

“It’s too late for that.” With a sigh, Dean ran a hand through his hair. “I wanna know why you lied to me. You have your own career and make your own money. You’re an independent woman. If you wanted out of this marriage you should have said so, instead of sleeping around behind my back.”

Anna took in a deep breath. She dropped her mask. “I wasn’t sure.”

Dean frowned. “About what?”

“About whether I wanted to stay in this marriage or not.”

“Anna.” Dean rubbed his forehead. “You cannot stay married to me and sleep with other people. I know there are couples out there who have an open marriage like that, and I don’t judge them. If it works for them, good for them, but I’m not cut out for that. That’s not who I am.”

“I know.”

Dean blinked rapidly, disbelief growing with every passing second. “You  _ know _ ?” That was just great. “Then why?”

“I was restless.”

“Restless?” Dean echoed. “So you, what, got bored out of your mind, and decided it was a good idea to get into the sack with other people as a cure for your,” he made air quotes with his fingers “restlessness?”

“No, Dean, it wasn’t like that. You don’t understand…”

“Then make me understand,” Dean cut her off, yelling while slamming his fist on his desk with so much force, it made the items on it rattle.

“Will you hear me out please?”

Dean closed his eyes, while taking in long hauls of breath and counting to ten, trying his best to remain calm. When he regained his serenity, or some form of it, he jumped up. “Go ahead, explain.” He started to pace up and down in front of the computer screen.

“I always felt like there was something missing in my life.”

Was she kidding right now? He had given her everything;  _ everything _ , and not just on a materialistic level, but somehow, it wasn’t enough?

“Dean, it wasn’t you,” Anna continued, as if she had read what went through his mind just now.

Dean huffed. “That’s what they all say,” he mumbled.

“You promised to hear me out.”

“Okay, okay, go on.” He waved with his arm.

“Like I said, something was missing, and it wasn’t anything you did or didn’t do. I didn’t even understand myself. I mean, you’re a great guy, Dean, and a wonderful dad.”

Dean rolled his eyes but kept his mouth shut. He had promised to listen to her without interrupting.

“You gave me the wedding of my dreams and allowed me the freedom to chase my dreams; my career,” Anna went on. “When I had all that, there was still something missing. And yes, at first I did think it was you, but it wasn’t until I slept with another man that I realized that you were not the problem. None of them could fill that hole.”

Dean turned his back to hide the tears that filled his eyes; tears of hurt; tears of anger and frustration.

“I needed time, Dean. I needed to step away from you and Claire to get things into perspective, to find out what it is I really wanted, and not just for ten days, but for a longer period of time. So, when they offered me the chance to go to Paris, it was the perfect opportunity. Would I miss you? Would I miss Claire? Would I be happier without you? I needed an answer to all of these questions.”

Dean turned back to face her on the screen. “And? Did you get your answer?”

Anna averted his gaze. She looked down. “Yes.”

“So, what is it?” 

Anna moved her eyes back up to meet his. “When I arrived in Paris, it felt like coming home. For the first time in my life I felt like I belonged somewhere. I wanted to tell you this in person, but since it’s all in the open now...they offered me a permanent job here, a very prestigious one, and I’m gonna take it. I have finally found my place in the world, Dean. This is where I want to be. I love it here.”

Dean clenched his jaw. It was a lot to process.

“So you want a divorce and move to Paris?”

“Yes.”

“What about Claire?” He swore to God if she was trying to take his daughter from him, she had another think coming. It would be a very cold day in hell before he would even consider giving up his little girl.

“I will give you full custody of Claire on one condition.”

That came as a total surprise. Dean thought he was caught up in a dream. This all sounded way too good to be true. But...wait...what condition? 

“Which is?” he asked with suspicion.

“I’m Claire’s mom and I want to stay her mom. You allow me facetime with her once a week. I want pictures and everything, and when I’m in the country, I want you to allow me to visit her. I do love her, Dean. I just don’t want to raise her.”

Dean took a moment to make sure that he heard her right. Then, it dawned on him. That selfish bitch. He knew exactly what she was doing. Claire was a beautiful little girl who would turn into a stunning woman one day, and that’s when Anna was going to whisk her away. She was going to let him raise her; let him do all the hard work and then, when the time was right and there was not much more raising to do, she was going to want her at her side, to show her off to her friends in her high society. Anna was going to blind her with expensive gifts, gorgeous dresses and shiny jewelry. Why else would she want to remain in Claire’s life if not to do that?

“Well? What do you say, Dean? Do we have an agreement?” Anna pulled him out of his thoughts.

“Yes,” Dean said with contained anger. He couldn’t let her see he was onto her. The most important thing right now was that she wasn’t going to fight for custody; that she wasn’t going to take Claire away from him. Whatever happened ten or twelve years from now was something he had to deal with then.

“I’ll let Sam draw up the papers and mail them to you by express. Let your lawyer look them over, and then you only have to sign them if you agree with what’s in them.”

“Okay.”

There was a short moment of silence.

“So, this is it then, huh,” Dean said, and he wasn’t even sorry about it.

“I guess so,” Anna replied around a sigh. “I’m glad it’s all out now. But listen, I really have to go. I’ll let you know when the divorce papers are here, and then we can talk about when I’m gonna come get my things and stuff.”

Dean nodded. He was still staring at his computer screen minutes after Anna was gone.  He didn’t feel anything; no sadness, no regrets. If there was something, it was relief, like a huge weight had just fallen from his shoulders. He could finally close this chapter in his life and move on with...oh shit. Shit, shit, SHIT. Why didn’t he think of this before? He was such an idiot. He scrambled for his cell phone and called Cas.   



	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't kill me...

 

CAS

 

Cas just came back from grocery shopping. He was putting the paper bags on the kitchen counter when his phone went off. He dug it out and smiled softly when he saw Dean’s name displayed on the screen.

“Hello Dean.”

“Cas!” Dean’s voice came through the line. He sounded frantic. All of Cas’s senses were immediately on high alert. “Dean, what’s wrong?”

“Listen, can you get a hold of Balthazar?”

“Balthazar?” It was a pretty strange request, and that was putting it mildly. “Why?”

“I’ll explain later. Long story short for now, Anna agreed to a divorce and she’s giving me full custody of Claire, but if Balthazar tells her anything about...about…”

“About what?”

“Well, about you being gay for starters, and then whatever he makes up about you and me. If there is even the slightest implication that you and I are romantically involved, she will refuse to sign the papers and she will do everything in her power to take Claire away.”

“Dean, that’s ridiculous.”

“No, Cas, it’s not. It’s who she is. So please,  _ please _ call Balthazar and ask him not to say anything about...everything, not until the papers are signed and things are finalized.”

“Ehm, ok.”

“Thanks Cas. I’ll see you tonight.”

Cas stared at his phone. That’s when Dean’s words fully sank in. He knew Dean was going to file for a divorce, he just didn’t expect it to be this soon. If he remembered correctly, Dean had told him he wanted to tell Anna face to face when she was back from Paris. He wondered what changed that he did it today, when there was still a big ocean between them.

Suddenly everything became very real. A lot of possibilities of what might happen next started to open up to him. Dean had just put things into high gear. Where they had first gone with a snail’s pace, they were now moving forward with the speed of light. 

Cas’s excitement took a huge flight. Was he finally going to be allowed to love Dean in more ways than one, and to express that love through physical intimacy? The butterflies residing in his stomach kicked up a storm at the prospect. After waiting and dreaming about it for so long, it would soon become a reality. It excited and scared the hell out of him all at the same time.

Then he remembered something else.  _ Oh, fuck. Balthazar.  _ He took out his phone and called him, counting his blessings that he had only blocked his number and not completely deleted it. He now only hoped he wasn’t in the air yet. He had no idea when his plane would take off.

Luckily, Balthazar picked up. Cas breathed a sigh of relief, despite being annoyed at Balth’s voice saying: “Hello Cassie. So nice of you to call. Miss me already? I thought you never wanted to see or hear from me again.”

“This isn’t about you,” Cas snapped. “So shut up and listen to me.”

It took some convincing and a whole lot of questions on Balthazar’s end before he agreed to keep quiet, and made very sure that he didn’t do it as a favor to Cas, but because Anna apparently was a homophobe. If there was one thing that Balthazar couldn’t stand, it was that. He even told Cas he wasn’t sure if he was going to proceed things with her now that he was aware of it, no matter how good of a fuck she was.

Cas had to shake his head over it. Her being married didn’t stop him, but her being a homophobe did? Well, whatever. The most important thing was that Balth was going to keep his mouth shut.

\----------

The rest of the day went by like any other, but Cas’s mind was someplace else. His thoughts constantly drifted off to Dean and the upcoming divorce; that it was really happening. It was all so surreal. He had to pinch himself several times to make sure he wasn’t dreaming.

He felt bad for being glad about it. Maybe he should have talked Dean into giving his marriage another chance.

“Cas, it’s not your fault,” Dean said, when Cas shared his concerns with him later that evening after Claire was put down for the night. “This marriage was already over way before you walked into my life. There’s nothing you could have said or done that I hadn’t already, that would have saved it from going to pieces.”

“Yeah, but still...I can’t help feeling guilty…”

“No, Cas,” Dean interrupted him. “Even if we had never met, Anna still cheated on me, and I would still be here where I am right now: a soon to be single dad.”

Cas nodded. Dean was right. Them knowing each other didn’t change all the things Anna had done.

“Anna’s the one who wrecked this marriage,” Dean continued. “She did that all on her own.” He sounded sad. It wasn’t that unusual. Watching your marriage go to hell was never easy, especially when you did everything in your power to hold it together. Cas knew that Dean had tried. It took two to make it work though, and Anna never bothered.

“Is she really a homophobe?” he then asked, thinking back to why Dean had asked him to call Balthazar. He still had a hard time wrapping his head around that one.

“She doesn’t mind queer people that much, as long as they don’t affect her and stay out of her life,” Dean replied. “Why else do you think I never told her you’re gay? Jesus, Cas. She would have thrown you out so fast your head would spin.”

Cas gasped for air. He didn’t know that. Why the hell didn’t Dean tell him?

“And it never occured to you to inform me?” he almost yelled. “Damn it, Dean. What if Anna and I had met? A warning would have been in place here.”

“I know, I know, I know.” Dean sighed deeply while running his fingers through the short strands of his hair. “Let’s just be glad you didn’t.”

“You can say that again,” Cas mumbled, breathing a sigh of relief. But, hold on… He squinted.

“Does she know you’re bi?”

“She knows I experimented in college, but that’s about it. She figured, since I married her, I had to be straight. I just left it at that. If she wanted to think that, I wasn’t going to burst that little bubble of delusion. Besides, I had to hide the fact I was bisexual from my dad anyway.”

That was another piece of information Cas hadn’t really known yet. Sure, he knew from the very start Dean was hiding his bisexuality, but the more they came to know each other, the more Dean had come out to him. Not that they ever talked about it, it just happened, just like it had happened with his friends, probably. Cas was sure they knew; at least everything pointed in that direction. The only person Dean had to hide it from was Anna, and before the divorce was final, he had to keep up that act. Now it all started to make sense as to why Dean had been in such a panic earlier today. They had really dodged a bullet here.

“You really must have loved Anna, knowing all of this,” he said.

A few thoughtful lines appeared on Dean’s forehead. “I’m starting to question that, Cas. Sure, I cared about her, I still do somehow, but did I really love her? I’m not so sure anymore.”

That answer took Cas by surprise.

“But... you married her…despite everything.”

“Because she was pregnant, and it was the right thing to do.” He looked up. “Didn’t I tell you once that Claire wasn’t exactly planned?”

“Yes. Concieved on the back seat of your car because of a torn condom on your...second date, was it?”

“Yeah.” Dean’s gaze moved down to his fidgeting fingers. “It wasn’t even a date,” he confessed in a soft voice, like it embarrassed him to admit it.

Cas tilted his head. If it wasn’t a date, then what was it? “You just lost me.”

“I’m sorry.” Dean pushed himself up from his place on the couch. He took in a deep breath. “Anna and I kinda just ran into each other. I wandered into a club one night and there she was, drinking alone, just like me. We started talking. She was nice. We went home afterwards, going our own separate ways. I didn’t expect to see her again.”

Cas nodded in understanding. “Except you did, right?”

“I did,” Dean confirmed. Two weeks later I went to the same club.” He shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe, on a subconscious level, I was looking for her.” He turned around and stared out of the window. It was another dark, moonless night. Cas watched as Dean’s face reflected in the glass.

“Anyway, there she was,” Dean went on with his story. He took the curtains and pulled them closed. “We talked again. That’s when she told me about her hopes and dreams for the future.” He went over to the next window to close the curtains there as well. “I was infatuated. She blinded me with her beauty and her charm.” He turned back to Cas. “And so we ended up having sex in my car, with Claire as the result.”

“You must have been shocked when the condom was broken.”

“We were.” Dean strode over to the third window on the front of the house. “Anna almost went out of her mind. It took me a while to calm her down. I gave her my phone number, and made her promise to call me if that night had any consequences. I’m not the type of man who was going to run away from his responsibilities. I told her we were in this together, and I was going to be there for her if things went south.”

“Wait a minute.” Cas didn’t get it. “You didn’t plan a third date?”

“Nope.” Dean walked to the kitchen to lock up there.

Cas jumped up and jogged after him. “Why not?”

“I don’t know, Cas. Does it matter?” He opened the fridge after locking the back door. “Beer?” he asked without looking at Cas.

“No, thank you,” Cas declined. “I’m gonna make myself some tea.” He took a mug out of the cupboard, filled it with water, and put it in the microwave to heat up. A very disturbing suspicion was forming in his head. He needed some more information first.

“So, when did you see her again?” he asked, tearing his eyes away for a moment from the digital numbers on the microwave as they counted down the seconds.

Dean pulled the lid from his beer bottle. “Three months later.” He plopped down on a kitchen chair.

“Three  _ months _ later?” Cas echoed. His suspicion grew stronger. It was interrupted by the beeping of the microwave. He opened it and took the mug out. Hot steam was rising up from it.

“Yes. That’s when she showed up at my doorstep telling me she was pregnant.”

“Man.” Cas put a teabag in the hot water and went to sit with it at the kitchen table across from Dean. “And you never tried to find her in the meantime?”

“I did go back to the club a few times in the hopes she would be there, if that’s what you mean,” Dean replied. He took a gulp from the bottle. “No such luck. She had my number; she could have contacted me, but since she didn’t, I figured she never wanted to see me again, and I had to respect that.”

“She could have lost your number, Dean,” Cas deadpanned.

“That thought had crossed my mind, Cas. But then I remembered I told her the name of my company. Surely she didn’t forget that. She could have easily found me through that.”

“Mmmm.” Cas took the tea bag out of the water. He got up to throw it away, and to take the honey to sweeten up his drink.

Behind him, Dean started to chuckle.

“What?” Cas put the honey pot on the table and sat back down.

“Earlier tonight I told you about my fears that Anna was going to try to take Claire away when she’s older, right?”

“Yes, and we both agreed that you deal with it then.”

Dean leaned forward with his elbows on the surface of the table. “What if Claire finds out she likes girls more than boys? It would sure stand in the way of Anna’s future plans with her.” He looked smug, like he had just found the solution to the problem.

Cas formed a little smile. “Yes, it would,” he said, while stirring a teaspoon of honey through his hot drink. “But it also would be incredibly sad for Claire. After all the bonding Anna is going to do, and make no mistake, she is going to do a whole lot of that in preparation, she’s going to cut her out of her life as soon as Claire turns out to be gay.” 

“You’re right.” With a sigh, Dean leaned back in his chair. “It would break Claire’s heart.”

“And Anna might even blame me,” Cas mused.

“What?” Dean jolted upward. “No! There will be hell to pay if she does that, Cas. But we’re getting way ahead of ourselves and we’re driving ourselves crazy with all those ‘what ifs’. We have to take this one step at a time, and the first step is to keep Anna in the dark about you being gay, and about me being not as straight as she thinks I am, until the divorce is finalized. Let’s concentrate on that.” He stood up to take another beer from the fridge.

Cas watched him over the brim of his mug as he took a sip, and almost burned his upper lip. All the time, the radars in his head were working overtime. There was this nagging feeling that tried to fight its way to the surface and demanded to be heard. With that, his earlier suspicions took root. He wasn’t sure if he should tell Dean about it though. Dean might very well shoot the messenger. Yet, it had to be addressed, because no matter how hard Cas tried to shake it off, that gut feeling wouldn’t let itself be ignored.

“I can almost hear you thinking, Cas,” Dean pulled him out of the speculations that were going on inside his brain. “What is it?”

“Hmmm?” Cas looked up to Dean’s questioning face. “Oh, it’s nothing,” he then dismissed it, and averted his gaze from those inquiring green eyes.

“It’s obviously something,” Dean pressed on. “Come on,” he wiggled his index finger, “out with it.”

“Dean, I said it was nothing,” Cas emphasized a bit harshly.

“Okay.” Dean folded his hands, resting them on the kitchen table. “Talk to me, because whatever it is, it’s clearly bothering you.”

Cas rolled his eyes and let out a big sigh. It was clear as day Dean wasn’t going to let it go.

“Dean,” he started, and as he was trying to find the right words to construct what he was about to say in his head, he realized how utterly ridiculous it all sounded. There was no right way to say it. He closed his eyes and braced himself for any possible reaction from Dean, whether it was anger, disbelief or something else.

“Dean, with everything you know about Anna, about what she is and who she is, you might want to consider the possibility that Claire isn’t yours.” He bit his lower lip, prepared for an explosion from hell.

Dean scowled. His features turned so dark, it scared Cas. His face resembled a big thundercloud, ready to burst. Cas saw he had a very hard time not blowing up; to contain his anger.

“I _ am _ Claire’s dad,” he finally said.

“Yes, Dean, you are. You are her dad in every sense of the word, and in every way that it matters; that will never change, but can you be absolutely sure that she is your biological daughter?


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How's everyone doing? I'm still recovering from the devastated news we got on Friday. Don't despair, we still have a year and after that, the boys will live on in our fics.
> 
> Here's a new chapter to make you feel better, especially near the end of the chapter.

 

DEAN

 

Cas’s question was hanging heavy in the air in the kitchen. The only two things that cut through the silence were the ticking of the clock and the zooming of the refrigerator. It all sounded way too loud in Dean’s ears.

He couldn’t be angry at Cas. Truth be told, he had asked himself the same thing a few times lately. He had always denied it; scolded himself out for even allowing those thoughts to cross his mind. Of course Claire was his, what the fuck?

And yet…

“I understand what you’re saying,” he said, shoulders slumped in defeat and eyes fixed on the label of the beer bottle. 

“You do?” There was a lot of surprise audible in Cas’s voice. It made Dean move his eyes back up.

“Yes, Cas, I do. I’m not an idiot.” He jumped up so abruptly the chair almost tumbled to the ground, the wooden legs scraping hard over the tiled floor. “With everything I know about Anna now, who knows what she did in the three months since the incident in the car. Who’s to say she didn’t have sex with other men, and then, when she found out she was pregnant, came to me.” He huffed out a bitter laugh. “There’s one thing I can’t seem to figure out though.”

A few lines appeared between Cas’s brows. “What’s that?”

Dean spread his hands. “Why me?”

“Money,” was the plain and simple answer.

Dean’s lips parted in utter disbelief. It baffled him that he didn’t think of that before. Of  _ course _ . Anna had been going on and on about how she worked two jobs; how she hated both, but how she couldn’t quit, because the courses she needed to take that would make her land her dream job cost a lot of money, and she had to save up for that. She had also told him it would still take her years before she would have those savings since it was already hard for her to make ends meet, despite the two jobs. But Dean...Dean had that money. Yes, he had paid for her classes and had given her the opportunity to chase her career. It all made sense.

“Shit, Cas,” he breathed. But then he frowned. Something didn’t make sense. 

“But... she wanted an abortion…”

“Seriously, Dean? Don’t you know anything about women like Anna and how they operate?”

“I’m…” Dean was at a total loss, and a bit aggravated. Did Cas just call him naïve? Oh, well, maybe he was, considering everything.

“She was counting on it that you would object,” Cas continued.

“Oh really? What if I hadn’t put up a fight, and offered to pay for it?”

“Then she would have changed her mind as soon as you walked into that clinic, probably cried a few crocodile tears telling you she couldn’t do it after all, until you agreed to at least provide for the baby and be there during the delivery, in the hopes you would fall in love with the tiny thing as soon as they put it into your arms and you never wanted to walk away from it again.”

The flow of words hit Dean right in the chest. They were spot on. At least the last part was. He did fall in love with Claire the moment he had held her. She was just so beautiful and so perfect it was hard not to. One would have to have a heart of stone to abandon such a precious little bean and her mom to fend for themselves.

“Fuck,” he said when the extent of what Anna might have done became clear. “That’s so messed up.”

“It is. And I do realize we are both sounding like a couple of conspiracy theorists, but this is Anna we’re talking about. I bet she has done crazier things than whatever we can dream up.”

Dean rubbed his face with both hands. Cas had just made him face his worst fears head on, and he didn’t really know how to feel about it. He wasn’t mad, not exactly, he was more...annoyed that he couldn’t live in denial any longer. He had to consider the possibility he wasn’t Claire’s biological dad.

“So, what now?” he asked more to himself than to Cas.

“You do a paternity test.”

“A…” Dean couldn’t even repeat the word. It was one thing to theorize about it, it was another to get some definite answers. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to know.

“No!” He shook his head. “Not gonna happen.”

“Dean, you can do it at home…”

“Cas, I said no.” He stepped forward to take his beer bottle from the table. “Besides, don’t I need to have Anna’s consent for that?”

“Not if you are listed on the birth certificate and are considered the legal father,” Cas said. He tilted his head. “Your name  _ is  _ on Claire’s birth certificate as her dad, right?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Jesus fucking Christ, Cas. Of course it is. And before you start to question even that, yes, I’m sure. I can show you if you don’t believe me.”

Cas didn’t say anything. He looked away. Dean could feel the shame radiating from him.

“Why, Cas?”

“Why what?”

“Why is it so important to you that I do a paternity test? What’s it to you? This is  _ my _ life and  _ my _ choice.” He actively poked his finger against his chest. “It’s none of your business.”

Cas visibly swallowed. “Okay then,” he said, hurt clear in the tone of his voice. He stood up and put his mug in the sink. “I’m going to bed.”

Dean closed his eyes, regretting his words. “Cas,” he said around a deep sigh, and went after him. “Cas, wait.” God damn it. Why did he never think before he opened his big mouth?

Cas stopped on his way to the stairs. He turned around. His face was hard, deprived of every emotion.

“No, Dean. You’re right. It isn’t any of my business. I’m just the nanny,” he said, and boy did he sound sarcastic. “And you know what?” he continued, “maybe you should call the recruitment agency and ask for a nice woman to replace me. That way you don’t have to worry anymore that Anna might find out Claire’s nanny is gay.” He proceeded on his way up the stairs to the bedroom.

Dean gasped. Was he serious right now? “I don’t want another fucking nanny, Cas. What the hell?” he yelled and then cringed. Shit, they were going to wake up Claire. In a lower voice he ordered: “Get back down here.”

Cas put out his chin in defiance. “Why?” He squinted.

“Because we’re gonna wake Claire up if we continue to argue about this here.”

It was all Dean needed to convince Cas. At least he wasn’t stubborn.

When Cas reached the bottom of the steps, Dean took him by the arm and dragged him to the living room.

“I don’t want another nanny,” he repeated his words. “You’re a fucking blessing, Cas.” He put his hands in the front pockets of his jeans and bowed his head, studying the tips of his socked feet. “And...and I didn’t mean what I said in the kitchen.”

“You  _ hurt _ me, Dean.”

“Yes, and I’m sorry.” He looked back up, hoping his remorse was visible in his features and his eyes.

“Don’t do it again.”

“I won’t.” Dean adamantly shook his head. “And I’m gonna order a paternity test.”

“Oh? What changed your mind now all of a sudden?”

“It’s better to know, and also to be one step ahead of Anna.” He shrugged. “And I remember what you said. It doesn’t matter what the results are, I am Claire’s dad in every sense of the word.”

“You are. You just have to keep that in mind, always.”

Dean rocked back and forth on his feet. “So...ehm...we’re good?”

“Yes,” Cas shot him a genuine smile, “we’re good.”

“Okay.” Dean breathed a sigh of relief with a smile of his own.

The tension between them rose again. Dean licked his lips. He wanted to cup Cas’s face, fold his mouth over Cas’s, feel Cas’s tongue against his...

And just when he was about to forget all boundaries and step over that invisible line they always balanced upon but never crossed - except that one time during Christmas Eve - Cas turned around and walked away. “Good night, Dean. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Dean shook out of his reverie. “Good...good night, Cas,” he stammered as he watched after him leaving the room.

_ Shit. _

\----------

Sam swung by the office with the divorce papers the next day. Dean carefully read through them. Not that he didn’t trust his brother to have his best interests at heart, but to make sure every base was covered.

He wondered if he should tell Sam about the fact that there was a chance he wasn’t Claire’s father. After giving it some thought, he decided against it. Until things were certain, it was best to stay quiet. Besides, whatever the results turned out to be, there was nothing Sam could put in the divorce papers about it, because then Anna would know he was onto her and shit would really hit the fan.

After Sam had left, Dean looked up paternity test kits. He was in the middle of reading some reviews, when Charlie peeked her head inside.

“I’m going to get some lunch. You want anything?”

“Hm?” Dean looked up from the screen of his laptop. He blinked in confusion. 

“Lunch, Dean. You want anything?”

“Oh. Ehm, yes. A club sandwich, lots of mayo.”

“Noted,” Charlie said. “I also want to remind you of your meeting at three, and the one at seven tonight.” With these words she gently closed the door.

It took a few seconds before Charlie’s words fully sank in.  _ Shit. _

Normally, Dean didn’t meet with clients after office hours, not anymore, but this was a big one who could only make it in the evening. For him, Dean always made an exception. It had totally slipped his mind that the meeting with him was tonight. Thank God for Charlie.

He had to call Cas and inform him he wouldn’t be home for Claire’s bath and bedtime, but chose to wait until she was home so he could speak to her. 

It pained him he could only talk to her over the phone tonight. She was part of the reason why he had quit the evening meetings with potentially new clients. His business was booming, and he made more than enough money as it was now. 

Of course, it could have been so much more, but he was a family man first. Claire always came before everything else in his life. He never regretted that.

\----------

Dean’s meeting with his three o’clock went well. It ended at five. He called Cas and took his time to talk to Claire, telling her to be a good girl and to listen to nanny Cas, not that it would be a big problem.

To Cas he said he was going to get a light snack with Charlie so he wouldn’t starve during his meeting, and that he didn’t expect to be home later than nine. After that he finally ordered the home paternity test kit he had been researching online earlier, trying to convince himself it was the right thing to do. It was better to know than to keep living in doubt.

\----------

Dean was glad to be back home, remembering why he hated evening meetings. He let the Impala sit on the driveway and entered the house through the front door.

“Cas, I’m home,” he yelled, putting his briefcase on the ground. “I’m gonna take a shower, change, and check on Claire first, okay?”

“Okay,” he heard Cas’s gravelly voice yelling back from the kitchen as he ran up the stairs.

Landing on the second floor, he silently opened Claire’s bedroom door. His daughter was sound asleep, not that he expected anything else. Her little mouth was hanging open a bit, and she made the cutest little noises that were so fucking adorable, it warmed him to the core. The love he felt for her transcended everything.

In that moment, he knew. No matter what the results of the test turned out to be, this  _ was _ his daughter, and there was no test in the world that could convince him otherwise.

After observing her for a few minutes with his heart growing three sizes, he softly closed the door again. With a happy sigh of pure contentment, he took a shower and changed into some comfortable sweats before going back downstairs. 

A heavenly smell met him halfway on his way to the kitchen. 

Cas was standing at the stove, barefoot and...that was it for Dean. Everything fell into place. It was just so perfect, so domestic, so dream like that he broke down, and before he even knew what he was doing, he snuck up behind Cas, wrapped his arms around his waist, put his head on Cas’s shoulder and whispered intimately: “What are you cooking for me tonight?”

Cas stiffened. Dean could feel all the muscles in his body tense up as he turned around in his arms, blue eyes wide with surprise looking up at him.

Dean surged forward and caught Cas’s upper lip in a gentle nibble. He didn’t care anymore. Right or wrong, he was done waiting. He’d had enough playing the good guy. The divorce was happening whether he acted on what he most desired or not.

“Dean,” Cas muttered when Dean released his lips. “I don’t think it’s a good idea…”

Dean draped his mouth over Cas’s again to swallow his words of protest. He pushed his tongue past the seam of Cas’s lips, and was totally lost when Cas’s tongue tangled with his own, as an answer to the kiss so passionately asked for.

Suddenly, all those pent up emotions, all those feelings he had held back for so long, came to a massive explosion. They crossed a line and Dean knew that, if he didn’t stop now, there was no turning back. If he took this any further, they had to face the consequences, but, damn it, Dean was so ready for it.

He reached behind Cas to turn off the stove first, so whatever he was cooking that smelled so good wouldn’t burn. Then he latched onto Cas’s neck and sucked the tender flesh, soothing the bite marks with his tongue.

“Dean,” Cas uttered again, barely audibly. Dean could feel his resolve crumble underneath his sweet caresses.

He took the hem of Cas’s shirt, and rolled it up along his sides.

Cas willingly put his arms in the air for Dean to take it off. He then made quick work of pulling out his own shirt, taking a moment to admire Cas’s tanned, muscled chest. He had seen it a few times before, but now he could actually touch it.

His hands trembled slightly as he put them flat against Cas’s torso, moved them up over it until they landed on Cas’s shoulders before diving in for another kiss.

However awesome this make out session was, Dean wanted more; so much more, and Cas wasn’t going to stop him.

Dean’s hands trailed down again over Cas’s heated body. His fingers found their way past the waistband of Cas’s sweats and boxers. In one swift move, he pushed both of the garments down mid-thigh, freeing Cas’s erection. He gasped for air with a lot of excitement in his gut when he wrapped his hand around it, immediately realizing he wasn’t cut, not that he minded. He himself was still intact. It sure made jerking off easier, and that was exactly what he was going to do.

With slow movements, he started stroking, catching up the precome at the top of Cas’s cock as he went up, and then back down, cradling Cas’s balls.

“Oh, God, Dean.” Cas sounded like a man about to go to pieces. Dean loved that he was falling apart underneath his hands, it was almost enough to make him come untouched.

Cas’s forehead landed on Dean’s shoulder, now bucking his hips, actively fucking Dean’s hand. If his moans that filled the kitchen were anything to go by, Cas was on the very edge.

“That’s it, Cas. Come for me baby,” Dean encouraged him.

And just like that, as if his words held some kind of magic, Cas spilled his release warm and sticky over Dean’s hand with a final groan. At practically the same time, he soiled his own boxers like a horny teenager.

Dean held him as he shuddered through his orgasm and guided him back down from his height, giving him the time to collect himself. When Cas looked up at him, his face was flustered. His blue eyes were dark with post orgasmic bliss and a whole lot of love. Dean also detected a tiny bit of embarrassment in them. He tried to catch his gaze when Cas looked away. “Are you okay?”

“I’m...ehm...need a...a shower,” he stammered as a reply, voice hoarse, and then practically bolted out of the room.

“That makes two of us,” Dean murmured as he went over to the sink to rinse off his hands. He closed his eyes with a sigh. 

_Shit._ _What have they done?_


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut ahead. Enjoy the chapter :)

 

CAS

 

Cas could not believe that what had happened actually happened, yet here he was, taking a shower at ten in the freaking evening. 

The water that was beating warm on his back grounded him; this wasn’t a dream. He sure didn’t expect this when he had woken up this morning.

But, now what? Where would they go from here? Was Dean going to pretend it never happened, or was this the start of something...more?

He worried about it all the way through drying himself off with the fluffy blue towels and throwing on his pajamas.

Entering the kitchen, he saw that the table was set for the late night dinner he had been cooking. Then he noticed that Dean had traded his sweats for some pajama pants himself, which was strange considering he had already changed barely an hour ago. Why would he…?

Oh…

Ohhhhh… 

“Sit down. Eat,” Dean pulled him out of his thoughts. He put the big pot and some buns on the table. “Whatever this is, I don’t want it to go to waste. Besides, I’m hungry.”

“It’s just stew, Dean,” Cas said as he took a seat. He scooped some of it onto his plate.

“Well, it smells amazing, and I’m sure it tastes amazing as well.” He looked at Cas with a big smile while buttering up a bun.

Cas took in a deep breath. “Dean…”

“I don’t regret a thing, Cas,” Dean cut him off, all serious now. He stared at the stew on his plate. “If there is anything I’m sorry for, then it is that I kinda pushed myself onto you.” He took a bite of the food.

“Don’t be. I didn’t exactly stop you,” Cas countered. “I’m just wondering if it was a wise thing to do just yet.”

“I know what you’re saying.” Dean put another bite of stew in his mouth. “But I’m just so done with everything, you know?” he continued when he had swallowed his food away. “Fuck my homophobic soon to be ex-wife.”

Cas nodded. He understood. Yet he still had this nagging question on his mind.

“Dean, are you...serious about this? About us?” He held his breath, almost dreading the answer. But he needed to know.

Dean looked up at him, green eyes searching his face while slowly chewing on his food. Then he turned his attention back to the nearly empty plate in front of him, that he then cleaned with the last bit of his bun.

“I’m not big on love declarations and lovey dovey sentimental shit, Cas, you know that. But to answer your question,” he sighed deeply, “yes, I am. If you’ll have me.” He put the piece of bun soaked with stew in his mouth, and wiped his fingers on the napkin.

Cas slowly let out a silent breath of relief. His heart was beating so hard against his ribcage he was sure Dean could hear it. That was the easy part. Now came the hard part.

“Of course I’ll have you, Dean. But then I’m afraid I’ll have to resign and find another job.”

Dean’s head jerked up so fast Cas almost startled out of his skin. The eyes that stared at him had a lot of disbelief written in them, as if he had just said that pigs could fly.

“Are you kidding me right now?” Dean’s voice was a low baritone.

“Surely you know there would be a power imbalance here if I stayed on as Claire’s nanny,” Cas tried to explain.

“I don’t care. Besides, I don’t see it that way.”

“Well, I do. I don’t feel comfortable taking your money while we...while we…”

“Have sex?” Dean finished his sentence. “You can go ahead and say it, Cas, ‘cause that’s what’s gonna happen now that we have decided to become a thing. Lots of sex.”

“Damn it, Dean.” Cas jumped up and started to collect the dirty dishes.

“It’s true, isn’t it? How else did you see this going down, huh? Holding hands, a kiss now and then? That’s not how relationships work, Cas.”

The plates landed in the sink with a loud crash. Cas whirled around, offended and angry.

“Don’t you dare patronize me, Dean. I’m being serious about this. It’s not a fucking joke.”

Dean leaned back in his chair, his arms folded and his legs stretched out in front of him. He squinted. Then his features began to soften. His eyes returned to normal, with the first inklings of regret appearing in them.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made fun of it, of  _ you _ , like that,” he said, head bowed down. “I wasn’t kidding about the sex part though.”

Cas rolled his eyes. Dean just couldn’t help himself, could he? He always had to make a joke about something when it came to conversations about feelings and relationships.

He turned back to the sink to rinse off the dirty plates before stacking them in the dishwasher. He put the leftover stew in a container and ran hot water with soap in the pot, to soak.

“In all seriousness, Cas, how do you see you resigning and finding another job working out here?” Dean asked from behind him. “Me getting another nanny?”

Oh, so  _ now _ he wanted to talk? It was about time he heard him out.

“No, Dean, you wouldn’t need a nanny if we managed to sort out our work schedules so there would always be someone here for Claire.”

Dean looked confused. “Okay, you’ve got my attention. Seems like you have a plan already. Shoot. Let me hear it.”

Cas took two beers from the fridge. He pulled off the lids, and handed Dean one before plopping back on the chair he had so abruptly jumped off before.

“I was a nurse before I was a nanny. I have that degree. I was planning to take a refresher course and get up to date, and then become a part time in-home nurse. They’re in high demand. It shouldn’t be a problem finding a job.”

Yes, he had thought about this a lot already, just in case...

“I will probably work in shifts,” Cas continued to speak when Dean didn’t say anything, but judging by the expression on his face he wasn’t really against it. Not that it would change anything if he did think it was a bad idea. Cas was still his own person, who didn’t need anyone's permission to do what he wanted. But since they were together now, compromises had to be made in case one of them didn’t agree with something the other one wanted, needed, or otherwise.

“When I have the early morning shift, you take Claire to school and I will be home in time to pick her up. When I have the evening shift, I’ll start when you are back from the office, and won’t be home later than ten or eleven.”

Dean took a swig of his beer. His tongue darted out to lick off the remaining liquid from his lips as they turned into a smile. “You have it all figured out, don’t you.” It wasn’t even a question as much as it was a statement.

Cas felt his face heating up. He looked away. “Ehm...yes,” he admitted. He shifted in his seat in an effort to adjust his boner. Dean licking his lips had made his cock perk up again. 

“You know,” Dean plucked at the label of his beer bottle, “you don’t have to work, Cas. I make enough to provide for the three of us.” He chuckled. “If I didn’t, I couldn’t afford you.”

“I know. I just want to do this. I don’t want to leech off you.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“It would feel like I was. I want to contribute.”

“And you think taking care of Claire isn’t enough of a contribution?”

“Dean…”

Dean held up his hand. “Okay, okay, okay, I get it.” He heaved a sigh. “So, when are the classes?”

“They start a course once a month. The classes are every Tuesday and Thursday from 8 ‘till 10 PM for three weeks. They’re refresher courses for nurses who have been out of it for a while, but want to pick it up again. I will keep on working for you as a nanny in the meantime. By the time the course is over, your divorce will hopefully be finalized and Anna can’t hurt us anymore no matter what we do. I can resign, look for a new job as an in-home nurse, and we can start our lives together…” 

He snapped his mouth shut.

_ Shit. _

Why did he say that last bit? He could bite his tongue off right now. Sure, Dean wanted a relationship, but what if he wasn’t fully ready to come out to the world just yet? What if he wanted to keep it all under wraps just a little while longer?

Imagine his happy surprise when Dean said: “The more I think about this, the better it sounds.” A bashful smile was dangling at one corner of his mouth as he fixed his gaze on his fingers as they ran up and down the beer bottle. “I can’t wait to start my life with you, Cas,” he proceeded softly. The shyness in his voice at admitting this, was so fucking sweet that Cas wanted to wrap him in his arms and hold him there forever. God, he loved that man.

His breath hitched at that sudden revelation. It was true though. This wasn’t just a crush or an infatuation anymore; this was something that ran so much deeper; was so much stronger. 

“Yeah?” he said once he had found his voice again; he had lost it somewhere along the way.

Dean looked up. “Yeah.” 

Cas read the truth in his eyes.

“There are a few more things we have to address though,” he went on. “But we can talk about that later. Right now, I only wanna know one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“Are you a switch, Cas?”

Cas, who was just taking a sip from his bottle, almost spit out his beer. He didn’t see that one coming.

“I’m...sorry...what?”

“Are you a switch?” Dean repeated his question deadpan, with a naughty expression on his face only a man on a mission could display.

“I’m...ehm...yes.”

“Good. So am I. But at this very moment, I kinda wanna fuck you.”

For the second time that evening, Cas lost the ability to speak. Dean sure wasn’t beating around the bush about it.

The prospect of being fucked by the man who had given him the most satisfying jerk off session in forever not two hours ago, made the butterflies in his stomach kick up the most epic storm of the century. It had been such a long time ago since he last had a dick up his ass by a man he cared so much about, that he craved it, like a man who was on the verge of dehydration craved water. This was it. All bets were off and he fucking needed it.

\----------

The sloppy kisses they traded on their way to Dean’s bedroom were nothing compared to the passionate ones they assaulted each other with when the door closed shut. They practically devoured each other, emotions running so high they were almost consumed by them.

They nearly ripped the clothes off each other’s bodies - not that there was so much to rip off since they were both merely dressed in pajama pants and t-shirts. The pieces of fabric were slung across the room, and landed wherever on the carpeted bedroom floor. All the yearning, all the longing, all the sexual tension, erupted like a volcano, with Dean slamming Cas against the nearest wall.

Dean pinned Cas’s hands above his head at the wrists, while covering his neck with kisses and suction marks. The scratch of his five o’clock shadow, along with the gentle scrape of his teeth on the delicate flesh, sent shivers of pleasure down Cas’s spine.

Dean cherished every inch of Cas’s naked body. He painted a wet trail over his stomach and belly with his tongue as he sagged to his knees, releasing the grip on Cas’s wrists in the process.

A hand was wrapped around the base of his cock, before it got enveloped by the moistness of a hot mouth. 

An involuntary “Fuck,” left his lips as a soft tongue swirled around the glans. With his eyes closed, he let the back of his head fall against the wall he was standing against. It had been even longer since he had last been blown than the last time he had been fucked.

His hands found their way to Dean’s head. He tangled his fingers in the short strands of Dean’s hair and gently kneaded the skull. He made sure to be careful not to choke Dean on his cock, because even though this was all sorts of amazing and intensely gratifying, Dean was pretty inexperienced. Not that Cas minded.

Dean pulled off and got back up. He took immediate possession of Cas’s mouth again. The salty taste of his own masculinity exploded on his tongue.

A faint ‘click’ sounded next to his ear. Seemingly out of nowhere, a bright light lit up the room. It slowly faded again until it was nothing more than a soft, orange glow.

“I don’t want to do this in the complete darkness, Cas,” Dean explained why he had turned on the light. “I wanna see you.” He took a step back and regarded Cas from head to toe.

Cas let his own eyes roam over Dean’s body. It was the first time they had seen each other naked. No, scratch that. It was the first time  _ he _ had seen  _ Dean _ naked. Dean already had that pleasure when he had nursed Cas back to health last year.

And damn, Dean was one hell of a beautiful man. He was toned in all the right places and his skin was lightly tanned. At least it looked like that in the dim light of the room. He could even make out the faint dots of freckles that were plastered all over the flesh, and the slight curve of a pouch, nothing significant really, was just adorable.

They didn’t last even a minute, before they were all over each other again. 

Their bodies were seamed together, and Cas pried his hand between them. He needed to touch Dean; to feel his cock; to stroke it like Dean had stroked his earlier.

“Shit, Cas,” Dean breathed, his lips not leaving Cas’s mouth. He gently pushed him back until Cas felt the edge of the bed against the back of his knees. He voluntarily let himself fall, with Dean landing on top of him.

“Be right back,” Dean whispered in his ear after sharing a few more passionate kisses. He got up and wandered off.

Cas scrambled further up on the bed as the sound of water running resonated from the adjoining bathroom.

Dean came back with a washcloth in his hands and a few towels hanging over his arm. “I think we’re gonna need these,” he said with a shy chuckle, but with a teasing glint in his eyes. “So...ehm….” he motioned his arm at him, “can you turn around?”

Cas rolled onto his belly. He pushed himself onto his knees, his forearms resting on the soft satin comforter, eagerly waiting for what was to come.

Something wet and warm ran over his hole and between his asscheeks. Next that something was replaced by what could only be Dean’s tongue, as it licked his rim into relaxation.

Cas groaned in approval. What Dean lacked in experience where blow jobs were concerned, he made up in rimming. The things he did with his tongue were simply magical. Cas could easily come from this alone if Dean kept it up long enough. That wasn’t the intention though. The intention was that Dean fucked him, but damn, he would settle for this any day.

Enjoying the sensation that was going on between his ass cheeks to the fullest, he closed his eyes. Every muscle in his body started to loosen up one by one as he gladly rode the waves of pleasure. Soon, he was totally gone from this world, hoping he wasn’t going to wake up and realize it was only a dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to leave you hanging like this, but I had to change POV.   
> At least now there's more smut to look forward too in the next chapter :)


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of fluff and smut ahead.

 

DEAN

 

Dean knew he wasn’t great at giving blow jobs. It wasn’t something he had done so much during his college experimenting days; he had mostly been on the receiving end of them. Rimming however… That was something his past guinea pigs had always told him he was fucking good at.

Keeping Cas’s ass cheeks apart with his hands, he ran his tongue over Cas’s hole. If the moans coming from Cas’s mouth were any indication, the guy absolutely loved it. 

He couldn’t keep it up though. His cock was throbbing between his legs, and damn, he wanted to fuck that perfect ass.

He quit his rimming session to retrieve the tube of Astroglide and a condom from the drawer of the bedside table. His hands trembled from excitement as he put it on. It had been over fifteen years since he last fucked a guy, and not just any guy, but a guy he genuinely cared a whole lot about. 

This wasn’t just about sex. This was about expressing what he felt through physical intimacy. Actions did speak louder than words after all, right?

When he had finally managed to put on the condom properly, he poured some lube over Cas’s hole and gently inserted a finger, searching for that very sensitive spot that was buried somewhere inside.

The jerking of Cas’s body, accompanied by a loud ‘Fuck’ that bounced off the walls, told him he had found it. With a satisfied smile, he started to rub it, stimulating it, turning Cas into a panting mess on the bed, until he was fully aroused.

“Dean,...Dean, please, you have to...stop…”

“You’re close, Cas?”

“Yes…”

Dean quickly removed his finger. “Well, we can’t have that now can we,” he mumbled.

They really couldn’t. He wasn’t a selfish asshole. If he made Cas come now, fucking him was out of the question - at least for a while, depending on how much time Cas needed to recover, which could be quite a bit considering he had already come once this evening. They weren’t eighteen anymore.

“Take your time, babe,” he said.

While running circles over Cas’s ass in a manner of comfort, he heard how Cas was  taking in deep breaths, trying to gather himself.

“I’m fine, Dean.”

“Okay.” Dean lubed up his cock, took the base in one hand and guided it to Cas’s waiting hole. With his other hand on the small of Cas’s back for leverage, he carefully pushed inside.

A low growl filled the room.

Dean took a second to let Cas adjust to the foreign intrusion before gradually going deeper.

“Shit, Cas, you’re tight,” he gritted out when he was fully seated. Damn, this felt so good.

“It has been a while, Dean.”

“Yeah.” Dean moved his hands to either side of Cas’s hips, ready to set a slow but steady pace.

Groans, moans, heavy breathing and the occasional ‘fuck’ or ‘shit’ were the only things audible in the room for a while, especially when Cas squeezed his ass, driving Dean to the very point of insanity.

His loins were on fire with the first signs of an imminent orgasm pooling warm in his groin. He tried to hold back for as long as he could. The longer he could do that, the more intense his orgasm would be, and boy did he long for that dizzying high.

“Deannnnnn.” His name suddenly pierced loud through all the other sounds that floated through the sex filled air. It was the plea of a man balancing on the edge.

Dean knew it was time. He sped things up, reaching around Cas’s waist to tug his cock in time with his thrusts. He passed the point of no return and let go, finishing inside the condom with a loud cry of sheer pleasure. It was the most satisfying orgasm he’d had in a long, long time.

He kept tugging Cas’s cock, until he also jumped into the deep with a long groan of his own.

Dean took a few more seconds before retracting his cock. He fell onto his back and removed the condom, while forcing down his racing heartbeat.

“Shit, Cas,” he said between two intakes of breath. “That was amazing.” 

Cas fell next to him. “Yes, it was.” He rolled his head towards him. “But I soiled the duvet.”

Still reveling in post orgasmic bliss, Dean reached for the towel to wipe Cas’s semen from his hand. “Don’t worry ‘bout it. That’s what the dry cleaners are for.”

“Hmmm.” Cas moved away and got up from the bed. Dean watched as he collected his pajama pants along with the t-shirt and his boxers, and padded to the bathroom. With a deep sigh, he then moved his eyes to the ceiling. Cas wasn’t the type of guy who was going to desert after every round of sex was he? God, he hoped not. He’d had his fair share of people like that; his wife being one of them. When the sex was over, they just...left. No cuddling, no kissing,...nothing. 

_ Shit.  _ No! He wasn’t going to let Cas leave. Dean might not be good with words, expressing how he felt, but damn it, he loved some post sex snuggling.

He jumped from the bed, scrambled to put on his boxers and followed Cas to the bathroom, snatching up his pajama pants along the way. 

Cas was already fully dressed in his night attire again when he entered. He smelled the vague scent of his own body wash in the air.

With a shy smile, Cas looked at him through the big mirror above the double sink. “I hope you don’t mind,” he said, gesturing at the bottle of shower gel he had just used.

“I don’t,” Dean replied as he moved closer. “I kinda love my scent on you.” He wrapped his arms around Cas’s waist, still holding his pajama pants in one hand. “Stay with me tonight,” he whispered in his ear.

Cas turned around to face him. A blue gaze searched his face. “What about Claire?”

Dean closed his eyes. Right. Claire. She couldn’t know about them yet. In all her innocence she could just blurt out that her daddy and her nanny were sleeping in the same bed. Other kids wouldn’t think much of it, but it would raise some serious questions when it reached the ears of the parents. No one really knew about the divorce just yet, and rumors of cheating would be all over town. If one of those rumors found its way to Anna, they were fucked, and not in a good way.

Dean was wrecking his brain for a solution. It was Cas who came up with one.

“We can set the alarm clock fifteen minutes earlier,” he suggested. “I’m always up at seven anyway, and Claire will never leave her room before that.”

“That’s a good idea, Cas,” Dean said with a nod of his head. It really was  _ that _ simple; so obvious even that he felt a bit stupid that he didn’t think of it himself.

“Of course it is.” Cas surged forward to steal a kiss from his lips. “But I think it’s best we try to get some sleep now.”

“Hmm.” Dean released Cas from his hold. He quickly washed his hands and put on his pajama pants, before trailing after Cas to the bedroom where they pulled the soiled comforter from the bed before turning in after Dean had set the alarm clock.

There was some confusion about who was going to be the little spoon. After exchanging a few shy chuckles, Cas turned to his side, with his face coloring a lovely shade of pink that Dean absolutely adored. He used the remote to turn out the lights completely. Then he draped himself over Cas like an octopus. With Cas’s warm body pressed close to his, their legs tangled together, and an arm slung around Cas’s waist, he was asleep in a matter of minutes.

\----------

Cas was up and gone before Claire was awake. She wandered in, and by the faint smell of bacon and coffee that wafted into the room when she opened the door and crawled onto the bed, Cas was making breakfast.

Dean suppressed a yawn behind the back of his hand as Claire slid under the covers. She shuffled closer and nestled into his arms.

With a smile and a sigh of contentment, Dean planted a kiss on the top of his daughter’s blonde curls. He’d only had about five hours of sleep - it had been late last night - but he couldn’t remember the last time he slept so well.

Making love to Cas, sleeping next to him; holding him, had been incredibly exciting and freaking scary at the same time, because it had felt so good, so... _ right _ , like he had finally found the one he was meant to be with to be truly happy. He never had that with Anna, not like this. If it hadn’t been for that little girl in his arms, he would have walked out of his marriage a long time ago. But, then again, if it hadn’t been for Claire, there wouldn’t have been a marriage to walk out of in the first place.

He cuddled for a few more minutes with his daughter - she  _ was his _ daughter, damn it - before hitting the shower, and promptly decided to play hooky today. There were a lot of things he and Cas needed to talk about.

Cas looked at him funny, with that captivating head tilt of his, when he came downstairs dressed in jeans and a henley.

“I’m gonna work from home today,” he explained why he wasn’t wearing his usual suit. He tried to tell Cas with his eyes not to ask any further questions, not with Claire there. Little pitchers had big ears, and there were certain things he had to discuss with Cas that weren’t meant for Claire to overhear.

Cas gave him a short nod to indicate he understood.

Damn. Dean loved how good they were at this silent communication thing.

\----------

Since Dean took the day off, he drove Claire to school himself and informed Charlie he wasn’t coming in, without going into detail about why. She would just have to wait until tomorrow to get some answers.

Every second during the ride to and from preschool, when his mind wasn’t preoccupied with other things, his thoughts drifted off to last night and the most amazing sex he could remember. 

He had woken up with a serious morning wood with Cas already gone. He had been so fast asleep he hadn’t even heard him get up and leave.

For a second during his shower, he had contemplated indulging himself in a jerk off session, but why would he do that when there was a gorgeous guy running around the house who would be more than glad to help him with his problem?

He had managed to keep his growing cock under control, that was until he entered the kitchen and his eyes landed on Cas. That’s when it perked up again, and now, as he was driving back home and without a chatty Claire on the backseat to interrupt his train of thought, he was getting so hard it bordered on painful. He wanted to be fucked so badly it was almost surreal.

Horny as hell, he parked the car on the driveway and strode into the house. With big steps he walked over to Cas, who had just finished cleaning up the kitchen, took him by the lapels, pulled him hard against his chest and kissed him with every bit of passion he was holding inside.

He moved his mouth to Cas’s ear, his lips ghosting over Cas’s cheek as he whispered: “Fuck me.”

“Are you...are you sure, Dean?”

Dean swore Cas’s voice sounded an octave lower, which was a huge turn on, on its own. He backed up a little to look Cas in the eyes. “I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t sure.”

He saw some hesitation flicker in the look that Cas gave him. Not because Cas didn’t want to - at least he hoped not - but probably because, well, it had been years.

“It’s okay, Cas,” he reassured him. “I want this.”

\----------

They barely made it to the bedroom. Not that Dean would have minded if Cas had fucked him over the kitchen counter. If it hadn’t been for the lack of lube at hand, Cas probably would have done just that.

Now it was Dean who found himself on his elbows and knees on the bed, fully naked and with a tongue running over _ his _ hole instead of the other way around.

Dean let out a little whine of protest when the tongue suddenly disappeared. He heard a ‘plop’ from the tube of lube being opened. Next, a wet finger pushed past his rim. He gasped for air when said finger found his prostate and started rubbing it. It was a subtle pleasure that resonated deep inside of him, igniting sparks of electricity that shot through his veins, setting his nerve endings on fire. He reveled in it; enjoyed every last bit of it, until he was on the edge, and cried out Cas’s name as a warning that he had to stop.

Cas immediately ceased his actions and removed his finger.

As he collected himself, Dean watched from his peripheral vision how Cas took the condom laying beside them on the bed. He heard how paper was being ripped apart, and then his hole was being lubed up some more. 

“Are you ready, Dean?” Cas asked.

“Yeah, Cas.” Dean swallowed hard around a lump of anticipation. “I’m ready.”

He welcomed the initial burn when Cas pushed inside. The guy was so careful with him, and so gentle, it almost brought him to tears. Dean knew that Cas’s consideration came from the knowledge it had been a very long time since Dean had taken it up the ass.

Dean’s neglected cock screamed for attention as Cas was pounding into him, nudging his prostate every so often. Everytime that bundle of sensitive nerves was hit, a jolt of lightning dashed through Dean’s body straight to his dick. He wrapped his hand around it and started tugging it.

Completely lost in his own world of pleasure, all of Dean’s coherent thinking flew right out the window. 

The climax was just within reach. Dean knew he had to warn Cas, but decided he could hold back just a little while longer... 

It was a bad choice. “Shit, Cas...I’m gonna...come…” he groaned, but it was too late. He came, hard, spilling his semen warm over his hand and soiled another pair of clean sheets. Almost immediately after that, Cas pulled out as any considerate top would do. 

_ Shit, shit, SHIT. _ How could he have been so goddamn self centered? Cas had been so kind to retract his cock the moment he had come, because he knew how uncomfortable or even painful it would have become if he had kept going.

Dean quickly collected himself. No time for bathing in post orgasmic bliss. That would be another egotistical move to pull. He reached for the wet wipes to clean up his hands and then turned around. He was met with the very aesthetically pleasing image of Cas sitting on his knees, desperately jerking himself off towards the finish line. Dean noticed Cas had pulled off the condom first, as he took a moment to admire the beauty of the scene playing in front of him.

Cas’s almost broken “Oh God, Dean,” jolted him out of his reverie. He scrambled on his hands and knees and took up position behind Cas. Wrapping his arms around Cas’s shoulders he tenderly whispered: “It’s okay, babe, I’ve got ya.”

Cas’s head fell back against Dean’s shoulder. Dean pressed his lips onto the delicate flesh at the side of Cas’s neck as he guided him towards completion, and then held him as he came and shuddered through his orgasm.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I didn’t give you plenty of warning,” Dean said, shame clear in the tone of his voice when the jerking of Cas’s body ceased.

“It’s fine, Dean. And it’s not like we’re not gonna do this again.”

Dean smiled. He crawled around until he was sitting in front of Cas. “You better believe we’re gonna do this again.” He cupped his face and planted a firm but gentle kiss onto his lips. “Now let’s get cleaned up. There are a few things I need to talk to you about.”


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I'm a bit late with the update. With JIB starting next week things are getting a bit hectic. Also because of that the next update will take a bit longer.

 

CAS

 

The moment Cas had felt Dean’s body contracting around his cock, he knew Dean had come and he had to pull out. He had been balancing on the edge of an orgasm himself, but even then it still took more than just a few seconds to tip all the way over.

He didn’t hold it against Dean for not warning him in time. They had the rest of their lives together to get it right.

_ The rest of their lives.  _ Now, there was a thought that should scare the shit out of him, and yet, it didn’t. If anything, it had a nice ring to it.

He cleaned himself up in his own bathroom that was attached to his room, instead of in Dean’s like late last night, smiling all the way through rinsing off his body with the warm spray of the shower head.

Dean was already waiting for him downstairs, sitting at the kitchen table, making sandwiches for lunch. He shot him a welcoming grin, which Cas answered with a sheepish smile as he pulled out a chair and sat down.

“We worked up quite an appetite, huh?” Dean said with a shy chuckle. He cut the sandwich in half and pushed the plate over to Cas. “Here you go.”

“Thank you, Dean. And yes, we did.” Cas took a bite and hummed. It was delicious, but, then again, Dean always knew how to make a mean sandwich.

“I ehm...I ordered a paternity test kit yesterday,” Dean suddenly cut right to the chase, as he covered a slice of bread with a lot of mayo. “It should arrive tomorrow.” He put salad on top of the mayo and finished it all off with some chicken and a few slices of tomato.

Cas watched him while chewing his food away. “That’s great, Dean. It really is for the best to have some clarity on this.”

“Yeah,” Dean said with a sigh. “We can do it right away when it arrives, mail everything off, and I’m gonna pay for express results so I’ll get some answers soon. I ordered it from a company that runs the test twice.” He studied his sandwich before taking a bite.

“Do they email you the results?”

“Hmmm,” Dean hummed the answer around a mouthful of bread while giving Cas an affirmative nod of his head.

Cas studied him for a short second. He could almost  _ hear _ him thinking.

“What if Claire isn’t mine, Cas?”

See? There it was. Somehow Cas always knew what was going through Dean’s mind.

“Don’t go there, Dean,” he said evenly. He put the last of his sandwich in his mouth, and then wiped the crumbs from his fingers above the empty plate.

“But what if?”

Dean really wasn’t going to let it go, was he? 

“Then we’ll deal with it then. It’s a waste of energy to worry about it now when we don’t even know yet.” He reached over the table to fold his hands over Dean’s in a comforting manner. “It’s gonna be okay.”

“Yeah, well,” Dean huffed, “I wish I had your confidence.”

“Try not to overthink it.”

Dean took in a deep breath and slowly released it again.

“You said there were a few things you needed to talk to me about,” Cas continued, in an effort to keep Dean’s mind off it. “Let me hear them.”

“Oh.” Dean pulled his hands from underneath Cas’s to take the empty plates. He got up and rinsed them off before putting them in the dishwasher. “How do you feel about us getting tested for STDs?”

Cas frowned. He didn’t understand. Why would he have a problem with that? “I get tested every year, Dean. The agency kind of requires it. It’s all confidential, of course, but sometimes parents ask for it, and even then it’s only given to them with consent.” He tilted his head. “Did you never get tested?”

Dean leaned against the kitchen counter. He crossed his arms. “Once. After the torn condom, the results came back clean by the way, but never again after that. I never had a reason to, you know?”

Cas nodded thoughtfully. Yes, he did know. Dean was married and never had any others as far as Cas knew, so why would he get himself tested for STDs again after he got a clean bill of health that time? Of course that was before Dean knew about Anna’s cheating…  _ Shit. _ He gasped.

“Damn it, Dean, what about…,”

“I know what you’re trying to say, Cas,” Dean cut him off with a wave of his arm. “What about Anna’s cheating, right?”

“Yeah,” Cas breathed.

“You can stop worrying about it. The last time Anna and I had sex was,” he looked up, as if the ceiling held the answer, “oh, about three years ago.”

Cas almost choked. “Three years?”

“Yes.”

“I know couples who are married don’t do it quite as often anymore, but... three whole years?” Cas still had the hardest time imagining that. 

“Yes, Cas, three years,” Dean confirmed. He wiggled his finger between them. “That’s not gonna happen between you and me.”

“It better not.”

Dean took a step forward, bowed his head down, and planted a swift kiss on Cas’s mouth. “I promise you, it won’t,” he said, his lips still gracing Cas’s before straightening back up again. “So. About that test.”

“My annual check up is coming up, I might as well go with you and we can get it done together,” Cas offered. 

A huge smile lit up Dean’s face. “Yeah?”

“Of course.”

“Great!” 

Dean pushed himself off the counter. “I need a soda. You want a soda?” he asked over his shoulder as he opened the fridge.

“Sure.”

Cas watched as Dean took out two cans of coke, and handed him one as he plopped back down on the chair. “Now that we got that out of the way, what about living arrangements?” He took a sip.

Cas squinted in confusion. “Living arrangements?” What the hell was he talking about? 

“We have to take up residence somewhere, Cas. It’s either here, or at the lake house.”

Oh. Right. He didn’t think of that. But weren’t they getting way ahead of themselves now? Not that Cas didn’t want to start his life with Dean as soon as possible, but Dean was really going with the speed of light. The divorce wasn’t even finalized yet.

“I bought this house after Claire was born because Anna liked it so much,” Dean rambled on, not noticing Cas’s total bewilderment. “I let her take care of the interior design.” He waved with his can. “Everything you see here, the furniture, the carpets, the curtains,...it’s all Anna.” He let out a laugh that dripped with sarcasm. “Too bad she was never around to enjoy it.”

Cas struggled to keep up with Dean’s thoughts. So, what was he saying now? That he didn’t like the house? But, now that Dean mentioned it, the interior wasn’t really Dean’s style, as far as he knew him. It wasn’t exactly his taste either but, who was he to judge?

“Aside from all the furniture and stuff, do you like the house, Dean?” he asked.

Dean looked up. “I guess so.” He frowned. “Why?”

“Because you could always have a garage sale, or give everything you don’t like to charity, and then redecorate the place. It’s what I did with the lake house once it was mine.”

“You did that?” The surprise in Dean’s voice was clear. There was also a great amount of admiration visible in his features.

“Yes. I cleared it all out and then started over.” He shrugged. “Why is that so hard to believe?”

“Cas, it’s not that I find it hard to believe, it’s just that I  _ love _ what you did with the place.” Dean’s eyes darted down to the soda can in his hands. A shy little laugh left his lips. “I ehm...we kinda have the same taste. Isn’t that convenient? It’s one less thing we can argue about.”

Suddenly, it became clear to Cas what Dean was trying to say.

“You want us to move into the lake house, don’t you?”

“Ehm,” Dean gave Cas half a shrug, “kinda. I want us to make a fresh start, Cas,” he pleaded his case. “Living here, in this house, in my ‘past’ so to speak?” He shook his head. “It just doesn’t feel right, even if I decide to redecorate.”

Dean did have a point there. It was for the best that they start all over someplace else. “Then we’ll take up residence at the lake house,” Cas therefore agreed. “Eventually,” he added.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, we have to wait until the divorce is finalized before we can move forward,” Dean mumbled. He crushed the soda can, aimed for the trash bin, threw it and...missed. With a clattering noise, the can hit the bin, and then fell beside it on the tiled floor. Dean rolled his eyes. He raised from his chair to pick it up and to throw it away properly.

“Not just until the divorce is finalized,” Cas said as he watched Dean’s every move with a contained smile. Dean could be such a child sometimes. He would never do a thing like he just did in the presence of Claire - as her dad, he had to set a good example - but sometimes, like now, his boyish playfulness resurfaced.

“What do you mean ‘not just until the divorce is finalized’, Cas?” Dean asked, as he turned around to look at him with a few questions in his eyes.

“Anna has thirty days to appeal the divorce decree.”

Dean blinked in utter confusion. “On what grounds?” he boomed, appalled at the mere suggestion she could do that.

“That she didn’t know her daughter’s nanny was gay, and that she was going to be raised by two men when she signed the divorce papers.”

“Oh for the love of…” Dean put both his hands on the top of his head without finishing his sentence. “No judge is gonna go for that.”

“Maybe not. But you never know how she’s gonna present it. She’s a smart woman. With a good lawyer, she just might find a way.”

Dean paced circles in the kitchen while actively shaking his head. “So, now what d’ we do?” 

“Nothing. We just lay low for thirty days after the final divorce judgment, keep the fact that we’re together hidden, and act normal.”

Dean didn’t argue, but Cas could see in his whole demeanor he wasn’t happy with this new possibility.

Then something else occurred to Cas.

“You know the refresher course I was planning to take?” he asked.

Dean wrinkled his brow, making a few lines appear. “Yeah. Doesn’t one start next week?”

“Yes. But now I think it’s best that I postpone it.”

“What? Why?”

“Just until we’re safe.” He stood up. With a few long strides, he crowded right into Dean’s personal space. He wrapped his hands around Dean’s waist and pulled him close. “Be patient for just a little while longer. It will all be worth it in the end.”

“Hmmm. If you mean we’re not gonna have sex for the next…”

“No I don’t mean that,” Cas cut him right off. “We just have to keep it quiet for now.” He stole a quick kiss from Dean’s mouth, tasting the lingering scent of the cola that was left on his lips. “We’ll make it Dean, I promise you,” he whispered. “Ten wild horses couldn’t drag me away from you.”  _ And oh boy, that sounded way too corny. _

Dean burst out laughing. “You’re such a sap, Cas.”

Heat rose to Cas’s cheeks. “Yeah, well, sue me.” He released Dean from his hold. “So, on another note,” he tried to change the subject, “we have to start thinking about Claire’s birthday party.”

Claire’s birthday was going to be next Wednesday. Cas had offered to bake cupcakes with Claire for the occasion, so she could take them to school to treat her friends with on her birthday itself, and her party would be held the Saturday after. It gave Cas the perfect excuse to stay over for the weekend at Dean’s without raising suspicion. It was bad enough that, for now, he had to leave every Friday night to keep the neighbours from asking some very annoying questions, to which they didn’t have an answer without lying.

Cas planned to take Claire to pick out some nice invitation cards tomorrow after school. Dean would give them to Missouri on Monday morning, and the teacher could hand them out to the parents afterwards.

They had fun inventing games suitable for five year olds, and writing everything down they needed to get from the store for the event, until it was time for Dean to pick up Claire from pre school. He left after a quick kiss on Cas’s lips, making them move up to form a tiny smile. They were still tingling from the soft touch long after Dean went out the door.

\----------

The paternity test arrived the next day. It came discreetly wrapped.

Cas immediately informed Dean, and Dean wouldn’t be Dean if he didn’t want to drop everything and race home.

“Dean, calm down. School isn’t even out yet. It’s best not to make a big deal out of it.”

A sigh sounded in Cas’s ear. “I know you’re right.” Another sigh came through the line. “I just want to get this over with.”

“I understand.”

“Hey Cas?”

“Yes, Dean?”

“Can you do me a favor?”

“Sure. Name it.”

“Can you open it and read the instructions already?”

“Of course.”

“Thanks, man.”

“No problem.”

The call ended after that. 

Cas put his cell phone aside and opened the package like Dean had asked. The kit contained cheek swabs, DNA sample envelopes to hold the swabs after samples were taken, a payment form that only had to be used if the responsible party didn’t want to register online, a prepaid return mailer, and a set of instructions.

Cas read through them carefully. It was easy enough. They could do it tonight, and knowing Dean, they would.

He put everything back in the box and stored it away safely. It was time to get on with the house chores like doing the laundry.

Collecting the dirty sheets they had soiled, his mind drifted off to last night. After Claire had been tucked in, they had decided to watch a movie. Not that Cas could remember what the film had been about. They just couldn’t keep their hands to themselves long enough to actually know what was going on on the TV screen.

What had started as a heavy make out session on the couch, ended in the bedroom with Cas pounding into Dean. And this time, Dean did warn him in time, which had resulted in Cas finishing inside of him in another amazing orgasm.

Despite the fact that Dean had been close, he hadn’t come yet as Cas pulled out, so Cas had gone down on him, deepthroating him towards completion. He had taken all of Dean’s load, swallowing everything until the very last drop.

And Dean? Well, according to the expression of pure elation on his face and the dreamy look in his eyes, he had loved every frigging second of it.

Cas let out a small chuckle. He knew this multiple times a day sex wasn’t going to last forever, and he was okay with that. It was normal that it would dwindle down a bit once they were in a stable, established relationship. He was going to make sure of one thing though; he was never going to let their sexlife become boring.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry to be this late. After the awesomeness that was JIB, (especially the Cockles panel OMG, and I was there), I needed some time to adjust back to day to day life.
> 
> Ok, so, here it is. Please don't kill me.

 

DEAN

 

Collecting the DNA samples wasn’t hard. Claire gave her full cooperation, thinking it was some sort of game. Dean was proud of his daughter, and how she went with it so easily. She willingly opened her mouth so he could swipe the inside of her cheeks with the swabs meant for that purpose. There were also a lot of giggles involved on her part. It was all over in no time, after which she ran back off to the coloring books that were spread all over the living room floor.

“I can mail everything on my way home,” Cas offered.

Dean eyed him while running a swab over the inside of his own cheek. “Huhuh.” He put the swabs into the DNA sample envelope, and carefully closed it. “Thanks, Cas.” Then he let out a sigh. “I just wish you didn’t have to leave.”

“Dean, we’ve talked about this.”

“I know,” Dean boomed, with clear annoyance. He turned around to get a glass of water. His mouth felt so dry. “It doesn’t mean I have to like it,” he mumbled, but loud enough that Cas could hear it.

“Dean…”

“You know what I wish I could do?” Dean interrupted Cas as he turned back to him, the glass of water in one hand. He took a sip and then continued, “I wish I could fast forward to six months from now, and you and me and Claire on some beach somewhere like a little family, without having to worry about DNA tests and homophobic wives.” He emptied his glass with one huge gulp, cleansing his dry mouth and throat.

“We _ will _ have that Dean,” Cas said with a lot of conviction, for which Dean was immensely grateful. Dear Cas. He had enough faith for both of them. Cas held him up, he kept him afloat in the rough sea of changes they were currently swimming.

Cas glimpsed over his shoulder to the living room. He took Dean’s arm and pulled him out of Claire’s sight should she look up to the kitchen, and then planted a firm kiss on his mouth. “We’ll make it,” he promised when their lips released each other.

Dean formed a smile. The look in Cas’s blue gaze while he had uttered those words were all the reassurance Dean needed. He believed him. They  _ were _ going to make it.

\----------

The weekend passed faster than Dean had thought without Cas there. 

He took Claire ice skating on Saturday and they went to the park with ice cream afterwards on Sunday, but Cas was never far from his mind. He missed him.

There were a great amount of texts and phone calls shared back and forth, and before Dean knew it, it was Monday already. He dropped Claire off at preschool, giving Missouri the invitation cards for Claire’s birthday that she and Cas had written on Friday afternoon after school.

Dean also had to deal with a lot of boners during the weekend. He didn’t take care of them. Nope, he was going to save that for Cas.

Now, as he was sitting in his office, he kind of regretted that decision. The mere thought of Cas got his cock to perk up. It made it difficult to concentrate on anything else other than getting home and fucking Cas into oblivion, until he forgot his own name.

_ Shit. _

He glanced at the clock. Only two in the afternoon.  _ Damn _ . Why did the time go by so slowly? It was frustrating. 

With a pen thoughtfully tapping at his lips, he considered stopping early, and calling Cas to tell him to get his ass over to the house before school was out for the horizontal mambo, until it was time to pick up Claire.

He let that image run through his mind for a few seconds, before deciding against it. It was a nice thought, but he didn’t want to send Cas the wrong message, like he only wanted him for sex, which of course was so not true. It was just that...last week a dam broke, and now he couldn’t get enough of touching Cas; of kissing him; of  _ feeling _ him in more intimate ways.

Okay, he seriously needed to stop thinking about all of this and concentrate on the numbers on the invoices instead, or at least make an effort at doing so.

After his resolve to get some fucking work done, he was surprised time passed more quickly. Yet he was still glad when he could go home; to the two people that meant the most to him.

As always, he was met with the smell of dinner when he entered through the back door. His cock, that he had managed to force down, started growing again at the sight of Cas and the heart eyes the guy threw at him. Dean hadn’t seen him since Friday night. He had to fight the urge to wrap him in his arms, which he couldn’t do in front of Claire just yet. 

He planted a swift kiss on the top of his daughter’s head and then darted upstairs to take a shower, telling his hard on to be patient.

He didn’t bother putting on some boxers underneath his sweatpants, in order to give his cock more room. He loved it when he didn’t trap it in a tight prison of fabric. 

Casual touches, the not so accidental brushing of fingers, and meaningful glances were exchanged during dinner, and when Claire ran off to play, Dean stole a kiss from Cas’s lips.

“I can’t wait to take you upstairs,” he whispered.

“That makes two of us, Dean,” Cas whispered back in that dark, gravelly voice of his, and boy, it could still turn Dean to mush as much as it did the first time he heard it.

\----------

The sex that night was again all sorts of amazing, not that Dean expected anything else. He couldn’t wait for them both to get tested though, so they could get rid of the condom.

He was kissed awake the next morning, and reluctantly had to let Cas leave before Claire wandered in. He longed for the day that he didn’t have to hide his love for Cas from his daughter anymore. 

_ His daughter. _ There was that dreadful thought again entering his mind, that Claire might not be his. The test results should come some time this week. He wasn’t sure if he was really ready to know the truth if it turned out she was not his biological daughter.

Tomorrow was Claire’s birthday. She would turn five. She and Cas had made a lot of cupcakes and cookies that were cooling on the counter top when he came home that evening. Later that night, when she was tucked in, he wrapped a few birthday presents with Cas’s help, and they ended the day with a heavy make out and dry humping session on the carpet in front of the fireplace, that resulted in both of them soiling their boxers like two horny sixteen year olds.

Wednesday was a day full of excitement, especially for Claire. Cas had made her favorite breakfast for her: waffles, and she was allowed to open one present already. The rest had to wait until this evening. Claire was okay with that. She couldn’t wait to go to school and treat her friends with the homemade goodies.

In the afternoon, Dean got some good news of his own. Anna texted him saying she had signed the divorce papers, and they were already on their way back. Wow, that went well, and so fast. Seemed like Anna couldn’t wait to get out of this marriage either. Now he only had to cross all his fingers and toes that his soon to be ex wife wasn’t going to find out he was in a relationship with another man until the divorce was finalized, and the thirty days in which she could contest the divorce decree were over.

He picked up his phone and called Sam. His brother promised to rush the papers through court, so everything would be over and done with soon. Having a hot shot lawyer as a brother sure had its perks, and this time Dean was going to take full advantage of that.

Dean was still in good spirits when he got home after work. He was dying to tell Cas the news, but that was for later. Right now, Claire deserved all of his attention. It was her birthday after all; this was  _ her _ day.

Cas had made a chocolate Cake for the occasion, and Claire got to choose what they had for dinner. Dean wasn’t surprised there were fish fingers on the menu.

They didn’t have sex that night; they fell asleep tangled together instead, after Dean had shared his good news about the divorce with Cas. 

Charlie looked at him funny when he entered the office the next morning. Was there some leftover shaving cream on his face or something? He quickly ran his hand over his jaw.

“Something wrong, Charlie?” he asked for an explanation for the smirk that was playing on her lips.

Charlie’s eyes went wide. “No.” She shrugged. “Although I have to say, you’ve been overly cheerful the last couple of days.”

“Yeah, so? You have a problem with that?” 

“Not at all, Dean.”

“Good.” Dean gave her a playful wink before disappearing into his office. He let the smile he had so forcefully tried to hide break through. Charlie probably knew what was going on. Not that it bothered him. Charlie knew when to keep her mouth shut.

He shrugged off his overcoat and hung it up, then he started the computer. After a quick look at his calendar he saw there were no appointments scheduled for today. Good. He needed some peace and quiet to catch up on certain things. Being in love was no excuse to neglect his business.

He gasped for air. Did he...did he just admit to himself he was in love?  _ Damn _ . Sure, he cared a whole lot about Cas. He missed him when he wasn’t around, but this was the first time the term ‘in love’ came to his mind.

_ Shit _ . He really  _ was _ in love. There was no use in denying it, he might just as well accept it, cherish and nurture it, and revel in the amazing feeling it left him with.

\----------

A knock on his door startled Dean out of his concentration. It was Charlie saying she was going to get lunch. Was it really that late already?

“You want me to bring you anything?” Charlie asked like she always did.

“Yes, the usual, thanks.”

Charlie darted off with a nod of her head.

Dean got up to stretch his legs. He put his arms above his head to loosen up some muscles. He was in bad shape. He should consider starting going to the gym. The question was when? After work? No, he dismissed that answer rather quickly. That time was for Claire. Maybe he should take two hours during the day. Yeah, he could do that. He was his own boss; he didn’t have to answer to anyone. He could even ask Cas to come with him. Working out was always more fun if you could do it together, right?

Images of Cas lifting weights in a tight shirt wet with sweat hugging his chest, the muscles clearly moving underneath it, formed before his mind’s eye. He instantly popped a boner.

Okay, maybe going to the gym with Cas wasn’t such a good idea after all.

With a sigh he plopped back into his chair and opened his mailbox, to see if there were any new mails since this morning. Of course there were; there always were.

When his eyes caught one mail in particular, he took in a sharp breath. He blinked. And then he blinked again. The test results were in.

A nasty coil of nerves formed in his stomach. They tied it in so many knots that the hunger he had felt earlier disappeared, and he completely lost his appetite.

The mail said to log into the site with his personal account, and then he would be directed to a private page where he could view the results. This was it then, huh? The moment of truth, except...Dean couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t bring himself to log in.

He didn’t know how long he had been staring at the mail that seemed to dare him, when he finally made up his mind and called Cas.

“Are you at the house?” he asked as soon as he heard Cas’s voice at the other end of the line.

“Ehm, yes.”

Dean closed everything on his computer and turned it off. “Stay put.” He got up from his desk chair. “I’ll be right there.”

Cas was in the middle of asking something, but Dean just cut him off by ending the call. No time to waste.

He was shrugging on his overcoat when Charlie entered with lunch. The lines of a questioning frown appeared on her forehead. “Where are you going?”

“I’m taking the rest of the day off.”

The lines on Charlie’s forehead grew deeper. “Why?”

“I’ll explain later.” Dean took his briefcase. “Now I have to go.”

“But what about your sandwich?” he heard Charlie asking as he strode out. He dismissively held up his arm. He had more important things on his mind right now than lunch. 

And wasn’t that a first?

He almost broke every speed limit as he raced home. All possible scenarios were running through his brain. There weren’t that many. Either Claire was his or she wasn’t. Wait, what if the results were inconclusive? Was that even possible?

By the time he parked the Impala on the driveway his head had almost exploded with all the chaotic thoughts it was filled with.

Entering the house, he was met with an annoyed Cas, who was leaning against the kitchen counter with his arms crossed over his chest, sending him a death glare.

Jesus, what was  _ his _ problem?

“What?” he snapped.

Cas squinted. “You hung up on me.”

Dean closed his eyes. He took in a very deep breath. Now was not the time to start an argument.

“The test results are in,” he said by way of explanation while taking out his laptop. He put it on the table and turned it on.

That got Cas’s attention. His whole demeanor changed.

“That’s…great, Dean. What did they say?” His genuine curiosity was obvious.

“I don’t know.”

Cas did his adorable head tilt, with that cute frown between his eyes.

“What do you mean you don’t know?”

“I can’t do it, Cas.” Dean bowed his head in shame. “I’m not sure if I can face the fact, should Claire not be mine.”

“Dean. Whatever that test says, Claire  _ is _ yours. You  _ are _ her father.”

“I know, I know,” Dean mumbled. Cas was right. Claire was his daughter in every way that mattered. He moved his head back up. “Can you...can you look at them?”

“At the results? Are you sure?”

“Yes.” Dean wrote his account and password down on a piece of paper. He then turned around to look out of the kitchen window into his backyard, where the last patches of snow were melting away underneath the winter sun. He was so sick with nerves he was about to throw up.

“Okay, I’m in,” he heard Cas say behind him, after a few seconds and some tapping on the keys of the laptop. With his eyes closed, Dean dropped his head onto his neck, taking in another deep breath.

“I’m looking at the results right now, Dean.” Cas’s tone of voice didn’t betray anything. Dean couldn’t make out if it was good or bad.

“So, do you wanna know?”

Dean shook his head. He didn’t know. He honestly didn’t know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't kill me.

**Author's Note:**

> Cas shows up in the next chapter. Let the fun begin.
> 
> Thanks for reading xxx


End file.
